My family won't speak to me.

[sunshineandsnow]

Last year DD had a sleepover party for her school mates for her birthday. When we got to DN birthday in the summer, which was traditionally always an all day family party, we weren’t invited. When I questioned why, it was because I hadn’t invited DN to DDs party (which had never happened in the past - DD is older, DN is very childish, just wouldn’t have worked.)

We have since spent all year in this stupid limbo of no one ever speaking; us not being invited to any family event, DSister acting like I don’t exist, nobody reciprocating gifts that I send, DM lying about attending any such events, me not being allowed to visit DM “in case she pops over while you are here”, including Christmas time.

DM even sent me a handwritten letter a few weeks back telling me how my behaviour is disgusting in excluding DN “all the time” and making the family feel horrible.

Fast forward to today’s party for DD - two school mates out for a meal. And I’ve had so many abusive texts all day long, I’ve had to block DS - on everything, as once I had enough and blocked her on one thing, she carried on on another!!

I’ve explained that DD chose who she wanted at her party, that DN wouldn’t have coped with a sleepover, that year 7 kids don’t mix well with primary kids. I’ve also said that I don’t feel that DD not inviting her cousin to a party compares with then being excluded from any family party.

I just don’t get it. I don’t know how it’s repairable. I don’t know what I’m meant to do!!

Yanbu they sound mental. Fuck em.

That’s some Jeremy Kyle behaviour from hour family, no offence. I never understand how people can get so worked up over things like this, so much to end up NOT talking to a family member. Sorry Op, no advice but sympathy.

How old is your DD and DN?

Good grief OP, they all sound unhinged!

You don't have to explain anything to them. How do they get information about you and what you are doing, who you're inviting? If you are telling them stuff, stop. They obviously think you are telling them to rub it in that precious DN isn't invited.

Leave them alone. If they want your company, they will come to you. stop setting yourself up to be treated like shit!

I want to say fuck em and stop bothering. But then I’ve had a mate die and another one currently dying and everyone goes on about making the most of stuff etc and I feel like I should do something to fix it. If that makes sense.

Making the most of stuff = dropping who is abusive in your life

Last year they knew afterwards from photos on social media. This year I posted on fb happy birthday to dd, looking forward to your party day. I should be allowed to do that without them taking offence.

Very good point frasier

wow! I think you are doing exactly the right thing and they are being full mental. Id have a little sympathy for them if the cousin was the same age as your daughter but even then they shouldnt be behaving like this over it! What a dreadful example to their child!
Id just keep on ignoring it because what you have decided in letting your daughter choose who actually comes to her small parties, is totally reasonable. So dont feel bad about defending your boundaries you shouldnt pander to these people being loops. Its really sad they have reacted in this unreasonable way but I dont really see what you can do other than bend to their will which isnt really advisable long term.

DD 12, DN 9. I think that’s a massive difference when it comes to things like sleepovers.

I’m glad you all don’t just think I’m a bitch like everyone else does. When your own DM goes to the lengths of handwriting you a letter, you do start to doubt yourself.

Had you always had dn over for dd parties before last year?

Blimey. They’re treating you like you’re a criminal. Have they always treated you this way? Sounds like an extreme reaction which makes me wonder if you’ve always been treated as the black sheep and they’re going out as an excuse to go NC

Have you recently posted about this? Sounds familiar.

But if you know that they'll get upset why not alter your FB privacy and exclude them from seeing the posts.

I get that they're nuts but there isn't any need to rub their noses in it 'just because you should be able to post on fb'

You are not at all u reasonable. Especially if DD and her cousin ate totally different age groups.

I barely even knew my cousins growing up, let alone had them at any birthday parties. My DDs do know their cousins, but geographical distance means that it certainly hasn't been possible to spend lots of time together.

Detach from them. Ignore it.

DD and DN had never been to each other’s “school” parties. But we had always gone to DN family party, as it was in the summer and a good excuse for a big family all day BBQ / hanging out / party.

Are, not ate! Bloody auto-correct!

None of my DCs (4 of them) have ever had a cousin over for a sleep over. The cousins see each other at whole family get togethers.

OP their hurtful and idiotic behavior safely place them in the 'best to let them get on with it and don't bother with them any more from now on' box.

Fuck your family off, if your DM has not got the balls to stand up to DS and tell her if you visit DM’s house while DS is there she will have to be civil to you as you are both her daughters - that would be enough for me.

Your DD does not need this negativity they ouze in her life

Block them on FB. Or start a new page with a slightly changed name that they don't know about.

Haven’t posted about this before.

Posted the photos last year same as every year and that was the only time I got that reaction. So never thought about it. Then today was just a line that never occurred to me could possibly cause offence. Never even thought about it tbh. But I’ve had to block her now anyway so that’s solved that!

I’ve always said DS was the favourite, but don’t we all say that growing up?

Would I be right in guessing that your Dsis is the golden child?

I have the same age gap with my daughters. It has been 3 years since my eldest had to include her sister in her plans. Sisters. The sis is crackers.

Yeah, I had to go and stay with my aunties if I wanted quiet to study, as it wasn’t fair to ask DS to be quiet so I could study. I chose the wrong career, I bought the wrong house, I got divorced...

Block them on FB asap. No matter how good you think you are at hiding emotion, I'd bet DD is picking up on how you're feeling.
Your family aren't just messing with you, but are also screwing with your daughter - and if they are also not sending her cards and gifts over a perceived slight, then she is better off being protected from their games.
A supportive family is worth working on a relationship with. This is not a supportive family, this is a petty, vindictive family.
You can't change them, but you don't have to dance to their tune.