Baby shower - children not welcome

[vanessa6734]

Have been invited to a friends baby shower. Its being organised by her sister but friend has said how she wants everything.

Not really keen on baby showers myself but do want to support her, I said yes I could come to the date proposed (group chat) but would have DC2 with me (a toddler), this was met with silence from friend and her sister saying glad I could make it but it wasn't child friendly and could I get a baby sitter.

I am a single parent so can't just leave DC at home, and childcare options are limited due to no family local. DC1 is older and so can stay with a friend who has DC the same age but I wouldn't feel comfortable asking her to have DC2 aswell due to the age and various extra needs compared to school aged child.

Would I be unreasonable to say I can't make it? Or should I just turn up with DC? Only slightly over aged one so not likely to make any difference to anyone else but me imo.

As a pregnant mother of a two year old I absolutely relish an afternoon child free with my friends to let off steam and have fun. Whether that be a baby shower, coffee in a cafe or whatever. It's lovely not to have to wipe noses, give snacks, sort out strops, play just for a couple of hours here and there.

If I'd organised any sort of rare child free get together and made a point of it being exactly that I would be really annoyed if someone then turned up with a child. How very selfish. If I've left my own and and am looking forward to some me-time I don't want to be entertaining or distracted by someone else's child! They do massively change the dynamic.

This is your friends first baby. Don't be so selfish! She's going to be with a child soon pretty much permanently for a while then knee deep in toddlers/soft play and play dates the following year.

"This is your friends first baby."

Second baby. I know this is a long thread, but it is a good idea to read the OP's updates. You can adjust your settings so the OP's posts show up in a different colour.

Baby showers are utter nonsense anyway

^So are hen parties

Meh, first baby, second baby with a long gap. The point is the same. Pedants corner is over there - - - > btw.

No need to be so rude

No need to be so rude

No more rude than your comment TBH.

Baby showers are an appalling non-tradition which need to go back to America where they came from. In your situation I would be happy to have found the perfect excuse not to go.

"I don't like baby showers" is rather a useless comment, wouldn't you say?

The OP clearly does want to go to this party.

Would you show up on a thread about football or the cinema or camping and say "yeah but that's shit anyway so you should be glad that you can't go"?

“Not really keen on baby showers myself but do want to support her”.

Doesnt matter what the gathering is for whether its a baby shower, a birthday party, a leaving do, a wedding, a hen night, a dinner party, a lunch meeting ........

The point is that YOU have been invited to an event. This event is child free. The reasons for it being child free are irrelevant, none if your business, and youre a CF to even question this.

Its been made clear to you that YOU are invited. Then it had to be clarified to you that YOU being invited does not mean you and your child. And then clarified again to you thats its child free.

Yet you have still considered turning up with your child! And youve continued to disagree with the event being child free etc.

Again, that's none of your dam business.
Your only business is that you're invited so either get a babtsitter and go, or dont go because you've no babysitter.

Pure cheekyfuckery at its finest to even think about turning up with your child! Entitled much?????

I dont understand why you dont just chill the flip out, get a babysitter and go and support your friend. You never know you might actually (gasp) even enjoy it!!!

Are you trying to tell us that you NEVER leave your child. Never????
Seriously get over yourself.

It's only ironic that babies aren't invited to baby showers if it's also ironic that fiancées aren't invited to hen dos

Does a small child pose any actual issues?

Apart from the usual ones?

The screaming, shouting, demanding, running, crying, nappy changing, grabbing, everyone has to watch their language, the parent can’t finish a sentence, their lunch, sip a drink.

Why can’t you process the fact that she doesn’t want children there? And of course you shouldn’t just turn up with your child!

Are you trying to tell us that you NEVER leave your child. Never????
Seriously get over yourself

The only times I have left the baby is for a smear test, and when my eldest had surgery. I don't need to "get over myself" I just only really have my parents for childcare so it is literally in an unavoidable scenario as they aren't local and I can't just say to them can you travel down to watch the DCs while I go to a baby shower.

DC1 is school aged so of an age where he could go to a school friends house to play if I NEEDED childcare, but asking a friend to watch her compared to the baby are quite different.

And for those that missed the updates. I have declined, and haven't questioned her over the no children. I am just questioning baby showers in general as to why this would be a "rule" as its never been specified at any other I've been to its just been a case of it obviously being easier not to bring children but in many cases they needed to be.

It’s not a “rule”. This person simply wants a child free event.

I can imagine if they want to do something adulty and a lot of people wanted to bring toddlers it would change the event.

Sometimes if one person wants to bring a toddler a lot of others might think oh I will too, if would be difficult to manage

I'd just be grateful for an excuse 😬

It is a social adult gathering - I would politely decline

I recently had a baby shower and my friends were there with their babies/children and I couldn't be happier to see them! I'm not sure what the issue is with having babies/kids at a baby shower.

In your situation though, I just wouldn't attend.

The “issue” is that some hosts/other guests want an event with NO DC present!

OMG how hard is it to understand?! People are perfectly entitled to have adult events and clearly specify no kids. Sorry but never socialising without your pre-school children would worry me, what about your own mental health?

You say they are excluding new mums and their babies. You’re not a ‘new mum’ in the sense that your child is a toddler and not reliant on your for every single thing every second of the day. I dare say a sleepy breastfed newborn and their mother probably would be welcome! A toddler will just ruin it for everyone

So what if some other babyshowers are child friendly?? This one isnt.

Just like some meals out are child friendly. Some arent.
Some holidays are child friendly. Some arent
Some movies/plays are child friendly, some aren't...
...and so on..

Are the posters saying "BUT I had a child friendly baby shower so everyone else should too" really struggling that hard to understand that sometimes people fancy a child free do? ESPECIALLY as the host is a 2nd time mum who presumably knows it'll be a while till her next baby free party??

Or are they just signalling how MN cool they are?