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Original poster

Baby shower - children not welcome

212 replies

vanessa6734 · 17/03/2018 11:30

Have been invited to a friends baby shower. Its being organised by her sister but friend has said how she wants everything.

Not really keen on baby showers myself but do want to support her, I said yes I could come to the date proposed (group chat) but would have DC2 with me (a toddler), this was met with silence from friend and her sister saying glad I could make it but it wasn't child friendly and could I get a baby sitter.

I am a single parent so can't just leave DC at home, and childcare options are limited due to no family local. DC1 is older and so can stay with a friend who has DC the same age but I wouldn't feel comfortable asking her to have DC2 aswell due to the age and various extra needs compared to school aged child.

Would I be unreasonable to say I can't make it? Or should I just turn up with DC? Only slightly over aged one so not likely to make any difference to anyone else but me imo.

OP posts:
GrooovyLass · 17/03/2018 17:44

I've only been to one baby shower. Half of us were drunk. Like pp we had a "labour face or porn face?" quiz. We played "never have I ever." The cake was a frankly disgusting baby's head crowning.

Very very definitely not child-friendly.

lifechangesforever · 17/03/2018 17:46

Also, since when is it not the reasonable to have a baby shower for 2nd baby? Literally never heard of that rule.

This comes from someone who's pregnant with first and not having a shower because I don't particularly like them for myself but I would have absolutely no issue with my friends having one for each of their babies, no matter how many.

expatinscotland · 17/03/2018 17:54

'Also, since when is it not the reasonable to have a baby shower for 2nd baby? '

Because it's a shower of gifts, to set up the family for the new baby. So you do it for the first because touting for gifts every time you sprog is grabby.

And a get-together is just that, a baby shower is to shower the mother with gifts for the baby.

I'm American and have been to loads, but don't really care for them. It's a bit too counting chickens before they hatch for me. Can't think of a single one that had toddlers present.

lifechangesforever · 17/03/2018 18:10

Hmm, I suppose we just use it as a chance to have some nice treats and to buy the baby something - we don't buy 'big' things that they would already have but more outfits, blankets etc. Still don't think it's crass to have them for 2nd baby etc.

Realises this is not point of post at all

Original poster
vanessa6734 · 17/03/2018 18:28

Can't believe you would even consider turning up with your DC - CF springs to mind... Its a baby shower, its about the mum and her baby, not yours!

I can see the vast majority think just turning up would be rude, don't really understand this opinion though, I don't want my baby "celebrated", just to be present.

As far as being appropriate goes, she is 13 months old, barely toddling and not old enough to understand any "adult" games so this isn't really an issue.

And mums wanting to have a child free day are still getting one? If I wanted to relax away from my DCs someone bringing their own baby wouldn't bother me as I'm not the one needing to worry or entertain them she's likely just to sit on my lap with a biscuit or play on the floor with a toy, no distraction to anyone else.

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 17/03/2018 18:31

I've never been to a baby shower where children were there except maybe the hosts children.

LoniceraJaponica · 17/03/2018 18:39

"don't really understand this opinion though"

What don't you understand about this? If children aren't welcome then they aren't welcome, so unfortunately you will have to decline. You may be happy to look after your child, but the mum to be and the others just don't want other people's children there. It would be beyond rude to turn up with your toddler.

I appreciate it is difficult for you. It was for me as well, so I just had to decline invitations.

SpringHen · 17/03/2018 18:43

The point is for the MTB to have some adult babyfree friend-time BEFORE she re-enters the baby stage.
So yes your baby being there actually would affect that.

Just decline.

expatinscotland · 17/03/2018 18:46

Look, they told you no kids, so turning up with a toddler would be seriously cheeky. It's not child friendly, and she's not wanted there. So decline.

RedForFilth · 17/03/2018 18:49

Sorry OP you probably know this already but as single parents we have to miss out on loads of things because we don't have someone at home we can just leave our kids with. I've made a lot more single parent friends as we all understand this so it's much easier and you don't feel like you're the odd one out of the group!

Original poster
vanessa6734 · 17/03/2018 18:50

"don't really understand this opinion though"

What don't you understand about this? If children aren't welcome then they aren't welcome, so unfortunately you will have to decline. You may be happy to look after your child, but the mum to be and the others just don't want other people's children there. It would be beyond rude to turn up with your toddler.

I meant I didn't understand the few posters who have the opinion that the party should be about celebrating the mum to be and her baby rather than mine. I know its up to her if she chooses not to have children but I doubt the reason is that she doesn't want it to be about my child if that makes sense?

OP posts:
SpringHen · 17/03/2018 18:52

You dont really need to understand or agree its pretty black'n'white: your child is not invited/welcome.

Amanduh · 17/03/2018 19:03

What SpringHen said.

gillybeanz · 17/03/2018 19:04

The problem with taking a toddler is it isn't a child's party.
Is this so difficult to comprehend.
I've never known children attend before and find it weird that somebody would want to take dc.
I've missed lots of things due to no childcare, you just have to decline, not wonder why they don't want kids there.

LannieDuck · 17/03/2018 19:05

You have a choice between declining the invite, or finding a babysitter and going without DC. Both are reasonable.

What would be unreasonable is showing up with DC despite having been told the party is child-free. That would put you into CF-territory, and you risk finding yourself the subject of a thread on here ;)

NNchangedforthis · 17/03/2018 19:20

Thing is though, if I’m attending a child free party, then I’m going to be annoyed if there is a child there! I have kids, but doesn’t mean I take them everywhere with me.
I don’t want my adults only event to include a toddler.

cowssheephens · 17/03/2018 19:21

Just decline the invite!

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 17/03/2018 19:22

Let's be honest, your own child is always cute, funny and polite, other children are a nightmare.

It sounds more than fair to refuse to invite any child to a shower, let everyone relax and have fun without having to mind or put up with a child.

If you are unable to find childcare, of course you can decline.

On another note, I do like baby showers in general, but for a 2nd baby, it sounds just grabby!

LavenderDoll · 17/03/2018 19:23

You don't need to agree or understand
Your child isn't welcome
If you don't have child care then decline the invite

SenecaFalls · 17/03/2018 19:29

One of the reasons that second baby showers are frowned on, in the States at least, is that originally, the shower was the community's effort to set the new parents up with a lot of the basics, which they were expected to save and use for any subsequent children. I have been to a couple of showers where the mother already had children: one where the mother was having a girl 10 years after having a boy, and another where the mother was having twin girls after four boys.

SeaToSki · 17/03/2018 19:31

If I was invited to a child free party and had gone to the trouble of finding and paying for a babysitter for my DC, I would be very irritated if someone else just rocked up with their DC. I know that I would not be able to relax as much as if there were no children because my Mummy antenna would just automatically turn back on. The kind of thing where if you hear a child squawk, you just have to look around even if you know that logically it cant be your child. Paying for a sitter and not being able to fully relax is annoying.

expatinscotland · 17/03/2018 19:34

I think a lot of people underestimate how much of a nuisance toddlers can be, too. 'Oh, she'll just sit with a biscuit and a toy.' Yeah, right. For about 2 seconds.

Pengggwn · 17/03/2018 19:34

OP, it doesn't matter what you think of being asked not to bring the baby. You've been asked not to. By the hosts. Obviously they feel it would have an impact on the party, and that is their call.

GrooovyLass · 17/03/2018 19:36

You might be comfortable with having your toddler around potential ruderies but others may not be.

But even if this is going to be the most sedate of affairs unfortunately your DD isn't invited.

RavenWings · 17/03/2018 19:40

Your baby hasnt been invited, you have. That is how it is, you are not some sort of package deal.

I think having the kid there will massively change the vibe of the shower. Clearly the hosts do too, as they've made it clear to you that she isn't welcome. I'm sure she's a lovely baby but you'd be insanely cheeky to bring her along when it's so crystal clear.

Nothing wrong with having to bow out due to childcare reasons and I think most people would accept that.