Why didn't he pay attention to the scan?

[hellothere27]

So yesterday I had my 20 week scan (I'm 24 weeks but due to mess around with midwives I only had it yesterday). Partners ex kicked off saying how we haven't involved his two girls in the scans and she took them to every scan with her.

So he asked them if they want to come and low and behold the second we're in there the kids are messing about, eating crisps, lying all over the chairs saying how bored they are, reading books (youngest can't read so she's asking her dad to read all the words) and he was. I was so embarrassed and so annoyed that he never told them to behave!

AIBU to be pissed off that he would rather read Biff and Chip than just focus for the 20 minutes we had to see our baby and check everything is ok with her? They crave his attention quite a lot, he usually holds my hand with scans, no biggy but it makes us feel close, and he had no interested in this one because the his children were there.

Crowd she cheated on him with the next door neighbour. What an awful thing to say

oh my god are you actually serious? Sloppy seconds? This thread is just getting worse.

She's having a baby with him presumably because she loves him and they want to add to their family? They want a child together after being together for three years maybe? Just a thought...

I suspect this is more about you than it is about them.

I don't think anyone is blameless here, to be honest.

Sorry, just I wouldn't bother with a man with kids no matter what the circumstances. I had a widower message me several times while online dating but no.

Other people's children don't interest me at all. While I'd keep them safe you can't really expect a thrilling experience while they are around.

As evidenced by the OP.

I think she constructive in what she says and shares her own experiences

Her standard response is "you really don't like your SC do you" - maybe she is sharing her own experiences lol

Any one else feel super sorry for this guy? Two annoying women fighting for his attention, using their kids as ways to get it. 'Look at my child' ' no look at myyyy child' 'your paying more attention to her child' Poor guys going to need all the luck he can get.

@ Zeelove. I’m pretty sure the ladies didn’t make the baby’s via immaculate conception. Feel sorry for him

Tbh it doesn't sound like he would have had much choice in the matter sounds like he says jump and they say how high

They say jump and he says how high **

Zeelove thats his problem then. No I don't feel the slightest bit sorry for him, nor the OP, tbh.

I hate the term sloppy seconds is so childish and quite a disgusting way to talk about other humans.

Most people are ‘sloppy seconds’ aren’t they? Chances are whoever you get with has been with someone else before. Either way it’s petty

The kids had no interest in the scan so what's the point in them coming along. If he knew they would be a distraction and grabbing the attention, he should have said to his ex that it wasn't appropriate for those reasons plus the fact that the scan may show something wrong and distressing

There just seems to be loads of anti OP comments that are unfounded and making out she’s denying her DHs children and saying he’s a rubbish Dad. What the hell? No evidence if any of these things.

I think some people read half a sentence and just attack.

The OP was totally reasonable in wanting her step kids not to attend a scan. Let’s not extrapolate she’s evil step mum from hell and the kids are being cast off and the Dad is useless shall we.

Completely curious here but do clinics or hospitals allow more than one person to attend the scans?i was always told only one could accompany me when I had my scans,just glancing through some of the replies and some allude to a couple of people being allowed to witness scans

That's been answered multiple times throughout the thread.

That's not what I asked.its blatantly obvious from my question I haven't read through the eight pages of replies and if I was planning on doing so I wouldn't have asked obviously.i merely asked a question and if someone wanted to engage on the subject I asked then good and if not I'd hope they'd scroll on by and get on with themselves.is it a massive issue to ask without reading.

Yes, given the number of people who have said they had people with them.

The 13 and 20 wk scans of my third pregnancy had husband and two kids. All other growth scans (about 5) had my kids there. No-one paid any attention to them. They were normally at midwife and consultant appts too. They know how to behave in that scenario and can be trusted.

No children allowed at scans in my local hospital. Good thing too. Scans are serious business and having been given devastating news in one of them I’m bloody glad kids aren’t around to see/ hear that. Plenary of other ways to involve siblings without them being at scans.

"That's not what I asked.its blatantly obvious from my question I haven't read through the eight pages of replies and if I was planning on doing so I wouldn't have asked obviously."

I do think reading the thread, or at least scanning though and
reading at least some of the posts is a basic courstesy. Now, have you cancelled that cheque??

I think you and your dh need to look at this from a different perspective. The two children have had their world's turned upside down by their mum having another baby. Now their dad is too. They have felt the disruption at home and they are bracing themselves for it again. They must be anxious and confused. I wonder why your dh didn't try to involve them? 6 and 4 is quite an easy age. 'Look, can you see the baby's head?' 'Oh look, baby is waving' etc. They need to feel like they are part of it. Did your dh do anything like that? Or did the girls kick off a little because they know what's coming and feel jealous (which is very normal - my 5 year old dd sobbed when we told her she was going to be a big sister). You need to stop the ex undermining you but you also need to work on cultivating a family of 5 ethos for your new family. It needs to be positive for the existing children. Your dh will not find any if it less special because he already has kids. It is actually more special because you share it with them. Good luck.

@user1485778793

You sound as if you have anger issues. I have reported your post for personally attacking me. As I said, I didn’t go through the British scanning protocol with dd. For me, seeing as the private scans were unlikely to be 3d/4d scans at that stage, it would be fair to assume going for a private scan would be to check all is well with the baby. I cannot actually see another reason but perhaps it would have been more useful to explain other reasons to me, rather than writing a vile post. Idk who you are angry with but I definitely think your anger is misdirected.

Lesson learned just say no to them being around in future for such things.

He made a mistake letting his ex dictate the approach to this (your) pregnancy. I am surprised it was allowed. It's a strict no in both local hospitals. It's just not a suitable environment; the 20 week scan requires more measurements and concentration for the practitioner. It's not a family jolly.
His behaviour when in the scan is necessary. But being in the situation was not.

I think they shouldn't have come to the scan. It's OK if you have no alternative but they have a mum who isn't involved in the pregnancy and who could have looked after them. I've had to take my DC to scans and appointments. I've had so many and it was impossible to get childcare for them unless it was an emergency. It's not ideal though. 4 times I've had scans that have shown bad news. Twice I had the DC with me and twice it was just me and dh. It was so much better with just me and dh.