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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why didn't he pay attention to the scan?

215 replies

hellothere27 · 17/03/2018 10:51

So yesterday I had my 20 week scan (I'm 24 weeks but due to mess around with midwives I only had it yesterday). Partners ex kicked off saying how we haven't involved his two girls in the scans and she took them to every scan with her.

So he asked them if they want to come and low and behold the second we're in there the kids are messing about, eating crisps, lying all over the chairs saying how bored they are, reading books (youngest can't read so she's asking her dad to read all the words) and he was. I was so embarrassed and so annoyed that he never told them to behave!

AIBU to be pissed off that he would rather read Biff and Chip than just focus for the 20 minutes we had to see our baby and check everything is ok with her? They crave his attention quite a lot, he usually holds my hand with scans, no biggy but it makes us feel close, and he had no interested in this one because the his children were there.

OP posts:
DiegoMadonna · 17/03/2018 13:02

so block her number

yikesanotherbooboo · 17/03/2018 13:02

OP , get weekends sorted out so that everyone is clear about arrangements for your partners children and then embrace it.
I am hopeful that this is your main source of frustration and that you don't resent him entertaining the small children rather than watching the scan. He wasn't needed for the scan and he was needed for the children.
I must admit I don't expect my DH to come to medical appointments unless we are expecting bad news or I need to be driven or something and in this situation I would have advised him to go out and have a drink in a cafe or play on some swings rather than bringing them in.

wrenika · 17/03/2018 13:03

He was paying attention to the kids...I'd say that was a pretty redeeming factor. If there was an issue, I'm sure he'd have paid attention but at that stage it's just a picture on a screen while the other kids are actually there and needing his attention. I think he sounds like a good dad.

Original poster
hellothere27 · 17/03/2018 13:04

DiegoMadonna so how are we supposed to arrange picking the girls up? 6 year old was poorly last week and DP phone was dead (he's a male and useless) and she had to let us know

OP posts:
Snowmagedon · 17/03/2018 13:05

Were the second children asked if we they want to go into the scan? Doesn't sound like they wanted to be there
For him seeing third scan isn't as special or exiting is it?

Justoneme · 17/03/2018 13:06

Your DP bowed down to his ex ... no consideration for your feelings. Very sad situation.

Original poster
hellothere27 · 17/03/2018 13:07

No it isn't special or "exciting" but it is the health of his unborn child. Fucking hate Mumsnet sometimes why do thinks needs to be explained as if I'm talking to a toddler

OP posts:
Snowmagedon · 17/03/2018 13:08

Look.. I went to scan with dh.. It was a special moment but if I fell pregnant now with two older dd.. Then we would I guess all go but younger would be fascinated to see new sibling but.. I wouldn't expect dh to be sat with me again because we have done that

MarthasGinYard · 17/03/2018 13:09

He was watching his dc, who are obviously not being bought up to begin to understand prep for where they are going and expectations etc.

Good luck

Think you'll need it

Snowmagedon · 17/03/2018 13:10

Your out of sync with him basically.. You were left embarrassed because its a miraculous moment for you.. And amazing but you had people there who weren't as into it... So you were sort of left, I totally get it!

But I'm not sure what you can do because your out of sync and whilst scan may not be as special to him I'm sure the new baby will be..

TheBrilliantMistake · 17/03/2018 13:13

Why are you having a baby with someone who is an ineffectual father to the children he already has?

That's a heck of an assumption to make based on a few postings.

dayandnightshapes · 17/03/2018 13:14

When I went for my 20 weeks scan I went in by myself whilst my OH had our 2 year old outside in the waiting room. Had all the checks and then he was allowed in with her for a look.
You do sound a bit out by his kids. But what else was your OH meant to do?

TheJoyOfSox · 17/03/2018 13:15

Ive never understood why some families treat a hospital appointment as a day trip!

You’re an adult, make decisions for yourself. You should have told your partner it was not a place to take children. Fair enough if they are your own children and you have no alternative, but to actively arrange to take small children is inconsiderate to them and other patients.

At least your partner had the decency to interact with his dc.

AlmostDoneWithThis · 17/03/2018 13:20

Is she going to insist that the kids come along for your next smear test too?

Original poster
hellothere27 · 17/03/2018 13:20

Just realised I've missed out a vital point... I said to him don't worry about coming you know the kids are going to be bored he said "no no I want to see my baby"

Choice was there.

OP posts:
Babyplaymat · 17/03/2018 13:21

Look, the kids were there and had to be entertained. What did you expect them, and him to do?

Babyplaymat · 17/03/2018 13:22

So if you weren't fussed whether he even went, what is your problem?! He wanted to go, and was being a responsible parent by trying to keep his kids occupied.

Lithiumsmummy · 17/03/2018 13:22

You really need to have some ground rules here.
Your body, your baby, your bloomin choice. She probably took the kids with her as she didn't have a child minder.
If you allow his ex to dictate to you now, your relationship will not last. Your other half should have enough cahones to say no to her. The kids are part of his life, & your - SHE ISN'T.
So she kicks off, what kind of immature behaviour is that. Not your problem my love, stand your ground, do not allow yourself to be a doormat.

DiegoMadonna · 17/03/2018 13:24

so how are we supposed to arrange picking the girls up? 6 year old was poorly last week and DP phone was dead (he's a male and useless) and she had to let us know

Have a cheap third phone that you use solely for communication with her? She's hassling you on your phone, that's not acceptable and you shouldn't put up with it.

Also, stop letting your OH off for not being able to organise his own access to and care of his own children and palming it off on you. Why would you put with that either? God knows.

Original poster
hellothere27 · 17/03/2018 13:26

I'm bothered because he had the choice to miss it but instead he came and just annoyed me and the sonographer instead!

OP posts:
Coconutspongexo · 17/03/2018 13:29

He was trying to keep the kids quiet, he should have taken them out the room or you could have asked him to

Coconutspongexo · 17/03/2018 13:30

I also think it’s a bit weird that you’ve suddenly added now he had a choice Hmm

PurpleDaisies · 17/03/2018 13:31

I'm bothered because he had the choice to miss it but instead he came and just annoyed me and the sonographer instead!

That’s a big change from what you’ve been saying all thread...

hellothere27 · 17/03/2018 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
hellothere27 · 17/03/2018 13:32

Purpledaisies how? Why come into a scan to pay no attention to it?

OP posts:
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