Why didn't he pay attention to the scan?

[hellothere27]

So yesterday I had my 20 week scan (I'm 24 weeks but due to mess around with midwives I only had it yesterday). Partners ex kicked off saying how we haven't involved his two girls in the scans and she took them to every scan with her.

So he asked them if they want to come and low and behold the second we're in there the kids are messing about, eating crisps, lying all over the chairs saying how bored they are, reading books (youngest can't read so she's asking her dad to read all the words) and he was. I was so embarrassed and so annoyed that he never told them to behave!

AIBU to be pissed off that he would rather read Biff and Chip than just focus for the 20 minutes we had to see our baby and check everything is ok with her? They crave his attention quite a lot, he usually holds my hand with scans, no biggy but it makes us feel close, and he had no interested in this one because the his children were there.

(he's a male and useless)

He does sound useless, but that isn't why.

I can only imagine your reaction had he not wanted to go at all. 😂

Tbh, your thread initially was about feeling sad he didn't pay more attention. Not about coming bringing the kids full stop.

swingofthings you comment on a few of my threads and are equally irritating on each of them
You recognised my username, I didn't recognise yours so no idea what else you've posted about, but clearly there must indeed be a trend!

So all communication was with you. So SHE told you that they had to go to the scan of they couldn't come the entire weekend. So YOU agreed to it then? If it mattered so much, why didn't you arrange for a friend/family member to come to? They could have entertained the kids whilst you and your OH could have been fully focused on the scan. Alternatively, you could of course have told the ex that it was no problem, then arrange a baby sitter to look after the kids, and when she called you to ask why they didn't go, you could have made up a story saying that you called the hospital first to check and they told you that children were not allowed.

Blaming the ex is so much easier though.

Have you posted before about issues with your step children and you not being first under a different user name? I ask because you highlighted to swing of things how she always comments on your threads and she irritates you. Swing is normally pretty good on the advice she gives and is pretty subjective.

He’ll continue to be useless if you keep excusing it. If his ex needs contact about the children that’s really his problem, I’d not be accepting harassing contact or abuse from her on my phone. I’d second getting a cheap phone fir her to text re contact and block her number from your own phone. She has way too much power in your relationship.

I know my 5 & 6 year olds would have really struggled to sit quietly in a medical exam room for 20 minutes - my DS wouid have been wanting to know how the scan equipment worked for a start. You’re now saying he had a choice but it’s reasonable for him to want to be there while also needingvyo deal with the kids. If we only ever did things that the kids could cope with or have one of us stay home to care for the kids we’d be pretty restricted in what we could do. Having made the decision to take the kids, he was always going to need to keep them occupied.

Children aren't allowed in our hospital

For him seeing third scan isn't as special or exiting is it?

Why do people keep pointing this out (3rd user now!) it's bloody insensitive

You recognised my username, I didn't recognise yours

The op has no other threads under this user name. She appears to be expecting you to be psychic to know which threads she started.

6 and 4 really isn't old enough to sit still for 20 minutes with nothing to do. I wouldn't even take my 7 & 8 year olds to something like that without a book or screen or colouring because I know they wouldn't behave. Obviously it depends on the child but at 6 and 4 they would have been climbing the walls. Your DH was trying to keep them occupied, he did the right thing but it's not ideal to have them there really.

He paid no attention to the scan because he had to pay attention to his children - why is this a hard concept to grasp??

Why did you let another person dictate the details of your medical procedure???? Put your foot down now and avoid a future trend!

Given what she said to swingofthings it is possible to identify earlier threads.

OP: you have problems enough with this man. Do not let this incident distract you from the bigger picture.

The ex sounds like she's jealous and is deliberately trying to sabotage.

I don't think kids should go to scans. My friend had to take hers as no childcare and the scanned should up problems indicative of a trisomy (turned out Down's but were worried it would be Edward's). Not easy news to take on board while trying control preschoolers!

The dc shouldn’t be at the scan no but I sense from other posts including the dig at swing and mn in general that there is other problems in regards to the step kids hence the name change not to link to her previous threads.

Why on earth did you take the children to the anomoly scan? I have been in the devastating position of hearing bad news at that scan, when your whole world disintigrates around you. The only thing that could have made it worse at that moment would have been if my older child was there to witness it.

If you had private scans, why not take them along to those? I have heard that "bonding scans" can be arranged to include children (due to my previous experience I would not choose this but surely better than taking them to the NHS one).
You could have arranged a babysitter? If it was your partners turn to have the kids, then sorting childcare in this time is his responsibility. It's not down to the ex to specify what happens during this time.

At both hospitals I attended, children were not permitted in the room while being scanned. Seems a sensible rule to have.

I wouldn't have took them to the scan and I wouldn't have told dp not to come if he had to bring them. But scan is no place for children, what if god forbid they had discovered something wrong and you have two kids running about in the room.

HRTFT but Why on earth would his partner even have any idea of when ypur scans are and on what day and time

I had a diagnosis of anencephaly at a scan, it really is no place for children.

Surprised they were allowed in with you. I've been to 2 different hospitals and they have very strict rules about having only one other person in the room with you. This time my dh wasn't able to come in as he had to look after our ds outside. I thought it was the same at every hospital.

I'm not surprised re scan, he didn't want the baby and you were barely dating when deciding to go ahead.

His ex is right to be worried about the children, given how you talk about them they have very likely picked up on the fact you don't like them and things will get worse once the baby comes along.

Their own stability is that he owns the house so they will have a stable base with him regardless of your relationship status in future.

Children aren’t allowed in scans at my local hospital and rightly so. My last two twelve week scans ended in bad news, I could not have coped with my DC being there... it’s a medical appointment, not a fun day out. Get a private scan if you really need children to see.

You need to be firmer and set more boundaries.

YABVVVVVU!
The husband wanted to be there and you let him, rightly so but you know he has kids to bring as well. The situation didn't work out how either of you liked.