I just don’t want to help anymore

[TotallyShellshocked]

Feeling terrible about writing this and would appreciate views on this please.

I have been picking up a colleague on the way to work every morning and dropping her home in the evening. She is suffering from ill health and takes strong meds.
In the morning this puts about 10 minutes on my journey time so not too bad however it makes it difficult for me if I want to get in early to catch up on stuff before work gets busy. But I can live with that. In the evening on the other hand I drop her home and then have to battle my way back through traffic in the direction I just cane from to pick up DD. It takes on average 45 mins to get to where I collect DD when drop the colleague home first and it would take only 15 mins to get from work to DD.
I originally offered to help her because the health issue was expected to be short term. Things have meantime escalated and it looks like there is no end in sight. The arrangement was only expected to last a few weeks, months maybe but it had now been well over a year... I have s lit going on in my own life at the moment and I feel so tired. It’s an awful thing to say but I just don’t want to help anymore. How do I break the news gently? Please help. Thanks

[MacaroniPenguin]

Cool and "I'm fine" is a great reaction. You just take the "I'm fine" bit at face value and ignore the tone. Keep us up to date OP.

[KJE2017]

Be honest with her, your DD comes first. Your colleague could get a taxi if needs be

[KJE2017]

I used to take somebody to work at my old job, I was going back on myself, he used to give me £5 petrol money. My brother worked at the same place and used to give him lifts but my brother changed shifts. I was annoyed when my brother told me he used to give him £10! I know not a big deal but me and my brother lived in the same house at the time, so travel distance was the same. The person asked is he was still ok to get lifts, I said "no sorry not doing lifts anymore", he then offered me £10 for lifts I said "nope!"

[rocketgirl22]

Helping her get to work in the mornings is a huge help, and a very kind and generous thing to do, but I am amazed she has allowed this to continue both ways for a year!!

This is hugely inconvenient to say the least.

Bite the bullet and offer just mornings only. I would explain it is really taking its toll in the evenings, and you are finding it impossible to continue as much as you would like to. Someone else can help in the evenings, it is down to her to speak to the employer about this.

Dont feel guilty you are helping a lot by taking her there in the mornings, and have done so much for her already, over and beyond what most people could/would do.

[rocketgirl22]

Just saw your update.

I can't believe it!

What a dreadful ungrateful response! You are well rid of her.
Smile sweetly with good morning and move on, in some ways her attitude has made it easier for you.

It would have been much worse if she had burst into tears or had a meltdown. Well done op!!

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

A latte?

A LATTE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

You are well rid of that CF.

[rocketgirl22]

Where the bloody hell are your flowers, wine and sincere thank you car??!!!!

[schmoozypoo]

Wow what A CF she is, you have been very kind for a year and that is the way she responds to you! Some people are so rude

[feska5]

Well you must be feeling mightily relieved OP. You’ve just gained valuable time to your day and less expense. You did more than your fair share to help. It will be interesting for you to see how long this other person helps out.

[AllNamesTakenhell]

I would bet that cf spun a sob story that OP was leaving her suddenly in the lurch, stopping lifts that very day. To get sympathy and reel in her next fish.

[Icanttakemuchmore]

What a cf! She obviously had the hump about you telling her you couldn't do the lifts anymore and gave a sob story to your Co worker! But I bet when you took this 'errand' of lifts on, she said it was short term and it ended up being long term! Also not giving you any fuel money! Or at least offering it! You're best rid op, people like her are takers and not givers! At least your problem has been solved overnight.

[Prussiablue]

[LaraLondon1]

Ah now u can breathe :)
not ur problem anymore!

[ApproachingATunnel]

Wow, turns out she is indeed a CF!
Now OP, dont be surprised if there’s gossip at work about you, this colleague of yours sounds just the sort to do that.

Glad it’s over for you, i do feel sorry for her next ‘helper’ though!

[TheMythicalChicken]

What a nice person you are, OP. Please don't let anyone like that use you again.

[pandabear1]

What a kind person you are and have been. Just tell her things have changed and you can no longer help her. Be strong and put you first.

[LoislovesStewie]

I used to work with some one who had a phobia of driving (!!!!!), she always had to find a kind person to take her home at night. She did ask me a few times but I was in the situation that I had to collect my child from nursery and it was really inconvenient. I'm glad you have sorted this out , it was awful for me and must have been hell for you.

[Ellyess]

TotallyShellshocked You must stop picking her up. It's time to look after yourself. I found it hard to say no to people and it ended with me getting ill. Please believe me. Don't feel upset. You have helped her longer than planned anyway. If her back problem is not resolving she has to reassess her position. I had to do this regarding my back trouble. It is hard but it does happen, you think at first you will get better then a year later you are actually worse. She has to come to terms with it. It is not your fault. (I feel like "Good Will Hunting" Robin Williams!)
Good luck. Do it next time you see her. Write down what you will say in two or three short sentences and practise them even in front of a mirror, take deep breaths, remember you are a good person and doing nothing wrong here. You really must look after yourself, please.

[Gemini69]

Ellyess

Read the Thread...

OP already sorted this out yesterday....

[lizzie1970a]

I agree with Ellendegeneres, no matter how bad I was I would not have put someone else in the position of having to help me like that and for so long. A mutual arrangement - e.g. if you knew she was looking for extra money perhaps and it was a proper arrangement with her knowing she could stop at any time without any bad feeling is fine. She knew you had a child and was taking your time away from that child. I just couldn't do it. She should have been paying or doing something in kind. The fact she wasn't makes her lack of gratitude at the end expected. A user. I wouldn't go out of my way to warn the accounts woman but if she asked I'd tell her straight. Luckily she is only in 2 days a week it sounds. You saved this woman a fortune in taxis over the year. All she had to do was post something up in the company asking for a lift share that she would pay for. There are lift share companies online. Another user.

[livefornaps]

"reel in the next fish" - hahahahaa

[iMogster]

At the very least, she should have paid for the extra petrol for the part of the journey you only did for her as it was out of your way. Shocking CF.

I am so glad you have dropped both morning and afternoon lifts. Enjoy the new flexibility and extra time with your DC.

[iMogster]

You were loosing 3-4 hours time per week. Not having flexibility of choosing what time to travel. Having at least 3 hours per week less time with DC. Getting extra stress caused by rush hour traffic. Paying approx. £5 per week extra on petrol and extra wear n tear on your car. And you kindly did this for a year.

And you got an occasional LATTE!

Wow! Just wow!

[Butterymuffin]

Find out when accounts lady goes for lunch, to the canteen etc, and in a few weeks make sure you bump into her and say 'oh, you're driving LatteWoman into work now, aren't you?' Bet her face will tell a story about how she feels by then.

[TotallyShellshocked]

Looking forward to starting the new week without detours! Freedom yay!