I just don’t want to help anymore

[TotallyShellshocked]

Feeling terrible about writing this and would appreciate views on this please.

I have been picking up a colleague on the way to work every morning and dropping her home in the evening. She is suffering from ill health and takes strong meds.
In the morning this puts about 10 minutes on my journey time so not too bad however it makes it difficult for me if I want to get in early to catch up on stuff before work gets busy. But I can live with that. In the evening on the other hand I drop her home and then have to battle my way back through traffic in the direction I just cane from to pick up DD. It takes on average 45 mins to get to where I collect DD when drop the colleague home first and it would take only 15 mins to get from work to DD.
I originally offered to help her because the health issue was expected to be short term. Things have meantime escalated and it looks like there is no end in sight. The arrangement was only expected to last a few weeks, months maybe but it had now been well over a year... I have s lit going on in my own life at the moment and I feel so tired. It’s an awful thing to say but I just don’t want to help anymore. How do I break the news gently? Please help. Thanks

[Bestoftimesworstoftimes]

Totally agree with the unable to vs don't want to line. That is kind but firm.
Also just came on to say your colleague may not be aware of the impact even if she knows where you go to pick up your daughter. I was once without a car for a while and my husband used to drive me to work for a few weeks. I was so used to telling people my journey was such a breeze 10min against the rush hour traffic - yet it took some time for it to dawn on me that the quick journey that he was driving me in still meant that he had to turn around and face going back the other way another 20min or more in the heavy traffic. I was mortified when I realised and was grateful to him all over again. You don't need to spell it out to her I'm just saying that perhaps if she knew that it had become so burdensome she wouldn't even want/need the help and input from you, issues notwithstanding.
You sound really nice and I am sure that will come through. Also reflect on the fact that sadly none of us are irreplaceable and someone else (another colleague or neighbour or friend) may step in when you stop- they may not see the need at the moment because they think you have it sorted.

[Bestoftimesworstoftimes]

Oops bit late to the party. Glad things have moved on in a positive way!

[ScattyCharly]

Good riddance indeed OP. Poor you. She was clearly just using you. She should have been massively grateful. Cheeky cheeky fucker!

[TheMythicalChicken]

Just a question, but does she pay you petrol money or anything? It's just wondering.

[TheMythicalChicken]

*I'm just wondering

[UndomesticHousewife]

Oh good I’m glad it’s sorted, it’s now accounts lady’s problem

[expatinscotland]

Wow! She's a user. I hope you've learned not to get roped into this kind of arrangement again. Not even so much as a 'thanks for everything' or a bunch of flowers after you're ferrying her round for a year. If she asks again, even in an 'emergency', I'd say no.

[Mustang27]

She is clearly a twunt you are well rid!!!

Can't believe she didn't say thank you and agree it had gone on too long . Poor accounts lady. I'd watch her I think she might try and cause a bit of drama at some point. Maybe I'm wrong though.

[WhingyNinja]

You were an absolute diamond for over a year OP, and I'm sorry you didn't get the thanks from your colleague that you deserved.

Here's to you enjoying your time with DD after school and a much shorter, less stressful commute!

[AJPTaylor]

god i had a similar situation.
in time i realised that the woman just expected other people to run around after her and has no concept of the issues involved.

[HouseworkIsASin10]

Well done OP.

CF probably already had somebody else lined up for when you realised enough was enough.

[livefornaps]

Good for you for being kind.
But remember - all those times you missed out on seeing your DD - you won't ever get them back.
I say this not to be horrible but just as a reminder that the people who actually matter in our lives - they are the ones we should prioritize our time for. In no way were you "evil" in wanting to see your daughter play and have a coffee! You got no thanks, that woman just brushed you off. Could not give a shiny shit. Whereas your daughter missed out on having her mum there. I'm furious for you! Fuck her - and I don't say that often.

[StormTreader]

She sounds like a user - not even a thankyou? Not cool.

[HongKongPhooeyNo1Superstar]

She's very rude.
Did she not even thank you for ferrying her for a year?
What a cheeky fucking fucker.

[BrendasUmbrella]

I do wonder if she read this thread? It doesn't seem like you took her by surprise, especially if she got someone else lined up so quickly. But it's extremely poor of her to not thank you for giving her your time (and money) over the last year. Let us know how long the good will of the latest volunteer lasts!

[RestingBitchFaced]

She didn't even pay petrol money for a whole year? Please keep us updated on the new situation, bet it doesn't last long!

[Tumblrpigeon]

You’re a giver.
She’s a taker
Glad it’s over

[Smudge100]

Why on earth are you feeling guilty? I think you’re amazing to have done it for so long! I wouldn’t be prepared to and i don’t even have a child to pick up. Is this lady even aware that your journey time is quaprupled in the evening? Seriously, hasn’t she heard of taxis?

[Greyponcho]

@iheartniles
Perhaps she can sit down in a car and all day at work but not be safe to drive because of pain medications that say ‘do not operate machinery’.
Medication doesn’t excuse her from being an entitled CF though

[eddielizzard]

wow. you've given her lifts for over a year at great inconvenience, she doesn't offer petrol, and after all that she's COOL with you?!?!?!? how about thanks for the incredible support you've given me this past year. you're a real friend, how can i repay you?

she's a cf. yes she's ill, but she's also a cf. doesn't hurt to show a bit of gratitude and being ill doesn't give you a 'get out of jail free despite being a twerp' card.

[ginch]

I wonder what will happen on the days the new chauffeur doesn't work.

This situation has a way to go yet OP. Be prepared to say no in the future. She's a user with no manners.

[ItWentInMyEye]

She is a bit of a CF, think of all the money she's saved on car insurance, petrol, road tax etc etc and offered diddly!

[SunnySunnyDay]

YANBU, you've helped far and beyond and now it's eating into your personal time.

For this reason I have never got into giving colleagues lifts (unless for something like they are taking their car in for a service, i.e. a total one-off). I really dislike the lack of freedom, if you wanted to leave or start early or late you feel like you're letting them down, plus I like the break in between home to work and work to childcare on my own (I'm like that).

Just say as PP have done that sorry, you're unable to continue the lifts as you now have to do X and Y after collecting your DD. It's probably easiest to say you have to go straight to collect DD, if you have to give a reason.

Again, YANBU and don't feel guilty. You've helped out for over a year for something that was meant to be temporary and has taken an hour out of your day, with the morning pick-up as well. If you were off sick, moved, or changed jobs she'd have to figure it out. She will figure it out.

[SunnySunnyDay]

Oops didn't read all the posts. Good that it's sorted!

[AnnieAnoniMouse]

OMG what an incredibly rude response.

You have been doing this for a year and she treats you like that?!

I bet you’re feeling like a right mug now, I would be!

Still, hopefully it will give you the strength to say ‘You have to be joking’ when she hints/asks for a lift.

Cheeky bloody cow.