I just don’t want to help anymore

[TotallyShellshocked]

Feeling terrible about writing this and would appreciate views on this please.

I have been picking up a colleague on the way to work every morning and dropping her home in the evening. She is suffering from ill health and takes strong meds.
In the morning this puts about 10 minutes on my journey time so not too bad however it makes it difficult for me if I want to get in early to catch up on stuff before work gets busy. But I can live with that. In the evening on the other hand I drop her home and then have to battle my way back through traffic in the direction I just cane from to pick up DD. It takes on average 45 mins to get to where I collect DD when drop the colleague home first and it would take only 15 mins to get from work to DD.
I originally offered to help her because the health issue was expected to be short term. Things have meantime escalated and it looks like there is no end in sight. The arrangement was only expected to last a few weeks, months maybe but it had now been well over a year... I have s lit going on in my own life at the moment and I feel so tired. It’s an awful thing to say but I just don’t want to help anymore. How do I break the news gently? Please help. Thanks

[Itwasntme99]

I’m sorry, don’t ask her, tell her that you are sorry, you are unable to do this anymore, tell her the truth, that you need to spend time with your DD.
Give her a weeks notice, you have gone way above what a work colleague should be doing. If you try and sugar coat it by making excuses she will try to get you back.
Make a clean break.
BTW is she paying you for the fuel and your time and repairs and maintenance on your vehicle? If she is, then at least you didn’t do all this for nothing. If not, well, you can guess my reply to that one.

[waterrat]

blimey OP I read some things on mumsnet but this is ridiculous - you have a young child and it is complicated enough juggling work/ pick ups. Please just tell her clearly that the drop off home is no longer possible.

[BlancheM]

Don't feel bad, you've spent over a year doing a good deed!
I wouldn't dream of putting someone else out this, but perhaps your colleague has just get used to this arrangement and hasn't realised how cheeky it actually is. To spare both your feelings, I would invent an extra after school club or something which will have to put an end to the lifts.

[Branleuse]

I think you have to say something.
Its one thing helping out, but another thing to be adding 45 minutes to your working day every day.

[Hortonlovesahoo]

I hope it went ok today OP. I’d agree that it’s not your responsibility anymore and it’s putting additional (unneeded) stress on you.

[ApproachingATunnel]

Hm. I smell a CF. How do you know that her back problems escalated - just because she told you?
In my opinion no decent person would be continuing with such an invonvenient arrangement (for you!) for so long. Does she check with you that it’s still ok for you to take her? Does she express genuine gratitude? How does she get to work when you’re off sick/on holiday?

I reckon whatever was wrong with her is long resolved but in the meantime she’s done her calculations and having no travel costs works for her (of course!)

Tell her that you’ve been repeatedly late picking up your DD and reiterate that journey back adds 45 fucking minutes to your driving (is she covering the cost of petrol, i bet not!). Tell her that school/club is not happy about it so you cant take her home from work anymore. Remind her it was only going to be a temporary arrangement (one year ago!) and it is not working for you anymore.

[livingdownsouth]

Approaching has it in a nutshell - hope you've got it sorted OP

[Angrybird345]

Out of interest, does she give you petrol money??

[AnathemaPulsifer]

I don't think you should feel you have to take her in the morning, either. You really have done enough. ESPECIALLY if she isn't contributing to your increased costs.

[Gemini69]

She's never going to tell you she's improving.. because you're paying for her journey to and from work ...forever... she has not one penny outlay ..

[TotallyShellshocked]

Good evening all,
Just wanted to say thank you all for the support. You have spurred me on into sorting this out so just wanted to post an update. Got a bit of a strange reaction. When we got to work I got us coffee and told her that I wouldn’t be able to do the lifts to and from work anymore as I would have to collect DD a bit earlier and drop her off at a friend’s before school after Easter. I said that I would be happy to carry on as it was until after Easter. I tried to tell her about the government scheme transport scheme as recommended here on the threat but she cooly said not to worry and that she would just get a cab. About half an hour before going home she pased by my desk and said she wouldn’t be needing a lift home as she was leaving early but when I left the office at 5pm I saw her in the car park getting in to another colleagues car and when she saw me she said hi and that the accounts lady (who comes) in twice a week will be collecting her in the morning.
I think it’s all a bit weird but i’m just relieved it is over tbh. Let others have a go at helping out. Glad it’s all over and out there... thanks again to all of you!

[TotallyShellshocked]

Oh and no she didn’t contribute but she occasionally bought us a take away latte.

[Gemini69]

TotallyShellshocked

I'm so happy for you.. well done and congratulations in taking the bull by the horns

[WinstonlovesJulia1984]

but she cooly said not to worry and that she would just get a cab

Is that all she said?? How about thanking you for a whole year of your kind help? She sounds very entitled which is confirmed by her having found someone else to take over your role by the end of the day

[Nikephorus]

How long till we get a thread from the poor unsuspecting accounts lady?!!
Well done OP!

[Peanutbuttercups21]

Yes that is a good update!

Now steel yourself and ditch the guilt!.

You have done your bit, enjoy your newfound and wellearned bit of freedom!!!

Do NOT feel guilty, really, you have gone above and beyond for over a year.

If she wants to be a bit cool with you, let her (cheeky of her IMO!)

You handled it well

[Puzzledandpissedoff]

Brilliantly well done for speaking up, OP - it won't have been easy but you know you've done the right thing and you're free at last

I'd have hoped she'd have been a little more gracious after all you've done, but look on the bright side: her quick move onto someone else makes her someone else's problem now (and after her "cool" response she can hardly ask you to step in again on the days your replacement's unavailable)

[GabriellaMontez]

A year and she never offered petrol?! User.

[Roussette]

OP, tell Accounts lady where we are if she needs us for support!

p.s. the occasional latte is an insult

[SavageBeauty73]

Well done!!!!!

[Ellendegeneres]

I mean it’s a good update that you’ve told her now and you’re free, but fuck, what a user.

Ungrateful bitch. Unless there’s a bunch of flowers for you with a thank you card tomorrow, I’d stick to treating her in the most professional but cool way possible.

Absolute bitch. Sorry op

[Aeroflotgirl]

Well done op, you have helped more than enough. I hope that she gets you a nice bottle of wine and flowers or something's nice as a thank you

[TotallyShellshocked]

I found her reaction somewhat strange but I think she has done me a favour in the long run. It will make it just that little easier to say no should she approach me again. I’m just glad it is all over tbh.

[3luckystars]

Good riddance!!!

[user1andonly]

Well done and great result!

Hope you enjoyed your evening after getting home at a more reasonable time.