Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I just don’t want to help anymore

202 replies

TotallyShellshocked · 14/03/2018 21:39

Feeling terrible about writing this and would appreciate views on this please.

I have been picking up a colleague on the way to work every morning and dropping her home in the evening. She is suffering from ill health and takes strong meds.
In the morning this puts about 10 minutes on my journey time so not too bad however it makes it difficult for me if I want to get in early to catch up on stuff before work gets busy. But I can live with that. In the evening on the other hand I drop her home and then have to battle my way back through traffic in the direction I just cane from to pick up DD. It takes on average 45 mins to get to where I collect DD when drop the colleague home first and it would take only 15 mins to get from work to DD.
I originally offered to help her because the health issue was expected to be short term. Things have meantime escalated and it looks like there is no end in sight. The arrangement was only expected to last a few weeks, months maybe but it had now been well over a year... I have s lit going on in my own life at the moment and I feel so tired. It’s an awful thing to say but I just don’t want to help anymore. How do I break the news gently? Please help. Thanks

OP posts:
Barbaro · 15/03/2018 21:37

What a bitch. Gave you no petrol money, you took her shopping as well, and she doesn't even say thanks?

You've got amazing patience OP. No way could I have stood for that and being nice to her, would have screamed at her by now for being an entitled bitch.

Good luck to whoever she has managed to con now with her 'bad back'. Got to wonder if that's even true really or just an excuse to get people to feel sorry for her. Very shit of her if that's the case considering many people actually do have problems.

AllNamesTakenhell · 15/03/2018 21:38

She has found another person to use...

ohfortuna · 15/03/2018 21:51

You must keep us updated it wouldn't be fair not to let us know what happens with the other lady! 😁

GreenTulips · 15/03/2018 21:57

Well done, but expect her to do a sob story round work and tell some porkies!! Keep us updated

DeadGood · 15/03/2018 21:57

“I think you need to be honest with you colleage and admit you want to pick up dd first.”

Admit? You’re worse than the OP!

OP, I’ve only read first page so hope you’ve sorted this by now. Agree that you need to put a stop to this now, just state the fact that I’m 2 weeks you will only be doing morning pickups and she needs to arrange something else for the evenings. And that mornings you will continue in the short term but you’ll be reassessing as time goes on.

This is meant kindly OP, but I suggest you have a think about your sense of perspective/people pleasing tendencies. The fact that you feel so bad about halting your “bending over backwards” favour is striking.
Hope you work it out x

poobumwee · 15/03/2018 21:57

Glad you told her OP. what a user she is!! Now you get some time back for you and your DD

DeadGood · 15/03/2018 21:59

Sorry just read your update OP - well done!
However, she sounds like quite the madam - ugh!

AnathemaPulsifer · 15/03/2018 22:00

Well done OP!

@DeadGood if you don't want to RTFT you could just skip to the end and see how it turned out Hmm

DeadGood · 15/03/2018 22:04

AnathemaPulsifer does it really matter to you?
I was reading the first page, I saw a comment I wanted to respond to, because I thought it was reinforcing the OP’s hesitance to act, so I copied and pasted it there and then. My working memory is damaged and if I don’t do things that way, they don’t get done.
Thanks for the tip though.

LeighaJ · 15/03/2018 22:17

Don't say you don't want to, the truth is that you are unable to you don't have the energy to cope with her problems on top of your own issues and commitments

Agree with that. Also...there are a lot of people with health problems that have to take the bus, I see them every time I have to take the bus to my pregnancy related appointments at hospital. It's not ideal, but that's life.

dustarr73 · 15/03/2018 22:26

Wonder how long the replacement will last?

Betsy86 · 15/03/2018 22:34

Well done op!! Cant believe thats all she said after a year or help though what a user do not help ever again xx

ReanimatedSGB · 15/03/2018 23:29

Well done and glad you are shot of her. You might find it amusing, over the next few weeks, to see how many other indications there are that she is a lazy, selfish lead-swinger. Because the fact that she's immediately run crying to some other mug suggests she's got her story sorted and is going to milk it indefinitely - I bet she always feels icky or has a pain whenever there's something a bit challenging to do at work, as well...

snewsname · 15/03/2018 23:38

So she not only didn't split the cost of your shared drive, but she didn't even pay for the extra petrol you consumed directly because of her. Wow. She must have been laughing at her literal free ride.

You are a better person than me op.

snewsname · 15/03/2018 23:41

Ps. Who wants to open a book as to how many days it'll be before she asks the op again for a "one of lift" permanent lift ?

I reckon 8 working days.

snewsname · 15/03/2018 23:41

Off

Motoko · 16/03/2018 01:26

Well done OP. Now that you're not driving all those extra miles, I wonder how much better off financially you'll be!

ohfortuna · 16/03/2018 01:37

it does sound as if she already had a 'plan B' lined up....?

Flashinggreen · 16/03/2018 05:37

Great result, well done for hoiking up those big girl pants. I’m crap at confrontation, a real people pleaser, this is MN at its best.

Harvestmoonsobig · 16/03/2018 06:04

You’ve been a star thus far. Star

LucheroTena · 16/03/2018 06:12

Ungrateful bugger. I’m struggling to see how she can manage to sit down all day at work and in your car, but can’t drive her own...

Dancinggoat · 16/03/2018 06:19

If her back problem is preventing her from driving or accessing transport then she should apply for DLA and mobility. This would go towards additional travel costs such as taxis.
You need to be firm.
What does she do when you're ill or on holiday ?

Angrybird345 · 16/03/2018 06:21

What a CF!!! Don’t give her a lift again and warn accounts lady she’s a major CF. The odd latte is a shocker!!!

HSMMaCM · 16/03/2018 06:37

She's not applying for mobility, because she probably isn't entitled by simply being a CF.

OP if she does come back and ask for a one off, just say "I'm sorry. That doesn't work for me". You have been lovely and she has been a user.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 16/03/2018 08:17

What a cf! Well done op

She probably didn't react as she was expecting to be called out on it sooner or later. You've been a saint doing that for a year. I give the accounts person a week....!

Well bloody done. You handled it perfectly. Enjoy your easy journeys home CakeFlowersWine