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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a little uncomfortable that my partner got a lapdance?

224 replies

GreenEyes101 · 11/03/2018 17:32

He is on a stag in Barcelona so I knew a trip to a stripclub would probably be on the cards and initially had no issue with it. He told me today that they went and he had a dance which I laughed off - but then he proceeded to tell me he had 2 at €50 a pop! AIBU to be a little uncomfortable/upset? One still may not have bothered me but €100 for 5 minutes cheap thrills got under my skin a bit!

OP posts:
Original poster
GreenEyes101 · 11/03/2018 17:34

Edit : not sure if it’s the money or the fact he went back for another dance that bothers me most

OP posts:
ClaryFray · 11/03/2018 17:36

It's a tough one.

You knew it was likely, and presumably didn't say you'd have an issue with it up front. However a chat about it making you feel uncomfortable may help. Then he'll know in future. Maybe it was just a once off?

Although depends on money situation, if your tight on funds then that could have been used elsewhere. Then he's being selfish.

khajiit13 · 11/03/2018 17:36

I wouldn't like it. He invited a girl to perform a sexually explicit dance for him. That would cross a line for me. The fact he paid for it makes it more smutty. I'd definitely find a man into that less attractive.

araiwa · 11/03/2018 17:37

Up to you

The majority of replies will be ltb, misoginist, no respect etc

Some will be cool wives etc

Entirely your personal line

GeekyBlinders · 11/03/2018 17:37

I'd be absolutely furious. Both at the waste of money and at the whole demeaning grossness.

Barbaro · 11/03/2018 17:39

Going to a strip club at all can be grounds to leave someone for some people. The taking it further and paying for a dance is worse to me really. He doesn't mind paying for a woman while he has a partner, which would just make me wonder what else has he done. Probably nothing, but it would play on my mind til I trusted him again.

nwatty · 11/03/2018 17:39

It's a tricky one. I always thought I was cool with it and laughed with my now hubby about it when he went on other stag doos but I got serious confidence issues when it was his own stag doo. I think going forward I would rather he lied to me about it!

Bambamber · 11/03/2018 17:39

Did he know that you would be uncomfortable with it? It wouldn't be a problem in some relationships as some people really aren't all that bothered, so he may genuinely have not realised he was crossing the line. But if he knew it would upset you then it's very disrespectful.

MamaMilkMachine · 11/03/2018 17:40

Yeah I would be annoyed, going into the club with the lads is fair enough but I think a private dance is another level

Redhead17 · 11/03/2018 17:40

I’d think boys will be boys on a stag do

I’d be pissed he went back for another go

I’d want £100 to spend on myself

athingthateveryoneneeds · 11/03/2018 17:40

I would be very, very unhappy.

Haircutdilemma · 11/03/2018 17:41

I think I would be ok with him going to strip club but paying for a private dance is a step across the line for me.

sozzled · 11/03/2018 17:41

I wouldn't mind DH going to a stripclub while on a stag but I wouldn't be happy with him paying for a dance.

I'm guessing your partner doesn't realise you have an issue with it? Perhaps you should make your feelings known for future occasions?

Okaynowimconfused · 11/03/2018 17:43

I would be disgusted. And if I chose to accept it and move on it would take me a long time to find him attractive again.

FlouncyDoves · 11/03/2018 17:44

€100 isn’t too bad to be fair

TheIrregularChoice · 11/03/2018 17:44

I’d be pissed off about it. I’d be ok with DH going to a strip club on a stag do, and I’d be ok with him paying for/towards the stag having a lap dance. I’d be annoyed if he paid for himself to have a dance, and I’d be officially pissed off if he’d spent €100 on two!

Willswife · 11/03/2018 17:49

I think I may sound odd here but I think I'd be okay with one. Two would mean that he really enjoyed the first, so I think it would then bother me somewhat.

It's not pleasant to think of your partner being turned on by someone other than yourself and I think if it was the same woman I'd be a bit put out.

crazymumofthree · 11/03/2018 17:49

I am not sure what I would think, as far as I am aware DH hasn't ever been to one, I don't think it would bother me him going as such or having a dance but maybe that's because my brother has been to one and told me it was the most awkward thing ever and more that it's a peer pressure thing of the 'lads' rather than a reflection on you as a person and your relationship.

AnyFucker · 11/03/2018 17:51

That would be game over for me

gamerchick · 11/03/2018 17:51

It doesn’t matter what any of us think OP. It’s your personal line that is important.

DixieFlatline · 11/03/2018 17:52

I would be shocked, angry and disappointed, but then I didn’t marry that kind of man. It would likely be the start of the road to divorce for me.

mogulfield · 11/03/2018 17:53

If you walked into a party and a totally naked woman was writhing around on your DH and had her vulva/breasts in his face would that be ok? That’s my argument.
Your DH wouldn’t like it if a guy was naked on you at a party would he?
That’s my line, I appreciate everyone’s line is different, but remove the strip club context where it’s ‘acceptable’... and it’s really not acceptable.

UpstartCrow · 11/03/2018 17:53

I wouldn't like it. Would he be ok with you spending £100 on a lapdance from a male stripper?

Original poster
GreenEyes101 · 11/03/2018 17:54

Thanks all - that’s true @gamerchick and an unpopular opinion most of the time on MN when people so often like to tell you what IS or ISNT right.

@willswife - yet to ask if it was the same girl twice but I’m inclined to agree that I’d be even more pissed if it was

OP posts:
katieflorins · 11/03/2018 17:55

"Boys will be boys" - dear god.

I'd be more than a little upset and uncomfortable myself OP, you don't have to force yourself to giggle and be cool over it.

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