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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a little uncomfortable that my partner got a lapdance?

224 replies

GreenEyes101 · 11/03/2018 17:32

He is on a stag in Barcelona so I knew a trip to a stripclub would probably be on the cards and initially had no issue with it. He told me today that they went and he had a dance which I laughed off - but then he proceeded to tell me he had 2 at €50 a pop! AIBU to be a little uncomfortable/upset? One still may not have bothered me but €100 for 5 minutes cheap thrills got under my skin a bit!

OP posts:
CrispyChickenSkin · 11/03/2018 18:55

What @ShowOfHands said.

Meeep · 11/03/2018 19:00

Agree with goldfishshoals personally.

I couldn't respect him. I find it pathetic and juvenile and disturbing all at the same time.

Emmageddon · 11/03/2018 19:02

I'd be pissed off at the money wasted. He obviously thinks you're fine with it though, otherwise he wouldn't have said anything, I would have thought. It's all a bit grubby.

VioletteValentia · 11/03/2018 19:03

I’d be a bit annoyed yeah. Talk to him and tell him you’re not okay with it.

CapnHaddock · 11/03/2018 19:03

Any man who pays a woman for sex is a misogynist arsehole IMO but I wouldn't have any time for a man who'd go to a strip club. Men who go to strip clubs don't like women much

starzig · 11/03/2018 19:04

It wouldn't bother me. I can easy waste £100 So can't really get at OH if he does. Besides it's a lads weekend holiday. So unless he gets in the habit of going expensive lads weekends away frequently, I wouldn't worry. As for the lap dance it's just lads in the moment.

maras2 · 11/03/2018 19:04

Dance my arse.
Woman in her scanties grinding herself into your bloke's lap/groin till he comes in his pants morelike..
Never mind the money, what about the fact that he may as well have fucked her in your bed. Angry
Most blokes don't.
Most blokes have more morals.
Uncomfortable/upset? I'd be so distraught/angry and would kick his disgusting arse out of my life.
FFS Have some dignity.

TryptoFan · 11/03/2018 19:05

I wonder why there isn't an equivalent for women...

RedForFilth · 11/03/2018 19:05

It's your relationship boundaries. I wouldn't tolerate it personally, I wouldn't be with someone who's idea of fun was a stripclub though. My abusive ex cheated on me with a stripper so that's just my personal line.

Cowsopinion · 11/03/2018 19:07

YANBU.

I'd be more than a little uncomfortable, I'd be raging. It would be a deal breaker for me.

Boys will be boys is just misogynistic shite that allows them to act like complete shits and get away with it.

GinUnicorn · 11/03/2018 19:07

It honestly wouldn't really bother me. I'm inclined to think it was probably spur of the moment but if it upsets you raise it. There is no harm is having boundaries and we are all a little different. Hugs xx

RaspberryCheese · 11/03/2018 19:08

I recall going on a stag do to Amsterdam a few years back with a bunch of lads. At the time i was one of the few single lads in the bunch. I was happy just to see the sights, take in the culture, have some nice eats and drinks etc. Of course i had a stroll around the RLD but only out of curiosity. What did amaze me was that a couple of guys went in cubicles and fucked prostitutes,,and yet they are married with families. Maybe im just boring?

elQuintoConyo · 11/03/2018 19:09

So he paid for two women - or one woman twice - to flap her tits in his face and rub her groin all over his, just so he could jizz in his pants?

Definitely a keeper Hmm

I'd rather be single - even single with kids - than be with someone who thought that'd be ok.

But my line in the sand is not your line.

Turnocks34 · 11/03/2018 19:10

Wouldn’t leave my OH for this, but I would be disappointed. I just find the concept of them a bit pathetic to be honest, and I think I’d be embarrassed my OH would enjoy himself there.

Like I say, I wouldn’t leave him for it.

Goldmonday · 11/03/2018 19:10

DH had one paid for him on his stag do, detested it and washed his hands afterwards.

I was still unsettled by it. In your position I would be furious

AnyFucker · 11/03/2018 19:11

That does not make you boring, RC

Goldmonday · 11/03/2018 19:13

@RaspberryCheese that doesn't make you boring at all.

starzig · 11/03/2018 19:15

Tryptofan. There actually is. Forbidden nights in london is one.

DixieFlatline · 11/03/2018 19:15

I knew a girl once who “didn’t marry that kind of man” when her sister’s husband had an affair - funny enough, it was her own husband who ended up getting her best friend pregnant.

I see a pretty key difference between the morals of viewing women as commodities to be paid for and used and the morals of having an affair. I think it takes a misogynist to do the former, while you don't need to be a misogynist for the latter (a selfish arsehole, sure, but people can turn into selfish arseholes more often than I think they can suddenly turn into misogynists).

ALongHardWinter · 11/03/2018 19:16

Would your DH be happy for YOU to spend €100 on such a waste of money something similar?

Octave777 · 11/03/2018 19:18

A lot of women get male strippers on a hen and it cost a fair bit but I know bit that's different. In a way he shouldn't have said anything but his honesty means he didn't see it as a big deal and not to hurt you. On a stag in a different country with all his mates pressurising and lots of alcohol it was probably just a novelty. The stripper would have probably been asking for a private dance as that's how you earn money so to be the stag and not buy one would be hard anyway.

bellasuewow · 11/03/2018 19:22

He cheated on you op and told you all about it. The person he cheated with did not want to do anything with him so had to be paid. She probably hates men like your dp. It’s your choice.

treaclesoda · 11/03/2018 19:24

A little bit uncomfortable?

That would be something of an understatement for me. I could never respect him again.

I've never been on a hen night with a male stripper at it either. Thankfully.

Shoxfordian · 11/03/2018 19:39

I wouldn't be happy about this

As people have said though, its all about your own boundaries and lines in the relationship

RosiePosiePuddle · 11/03/2018 19:56

Did you speak to him about before? Are you in a social circle where this is joked about? I think that he thought you were okay with it and you probably did think you were okay with it before it happened.

It's not wrong of you to change your opinion after. It's best to discuss it with him and sort out new boundaries. You seem to have a relationship where you can talk about this sort of stuff. Most men would hide it!

The money is neither here nor there really. €100 would have been spent on booze if not lap dances.