To feel a little uncomfortable that my partner got a lapdance?

[GreenEyes101]

He is on a stag in Barcelona so I knew a trip to a stripclub would probably be on the cards and initially had no issue with it. He told me today that they went and he had a dance which I laughed off - but then he proceeded to tell me he had 2 at €50 a pop! AIBU to be a little uncomfortable/upset? One still may not have bothered me but €100 for 5 minutes cheap thrills got under my skin a bit!

Whatever your thoughts are now - and it's a personal decision, so nobody can tell you what to think - if you didn't tell him beforehand that you didn't want him to get any/more than one dance; it's unreasonable to annoyed at him now.

You can talk to him and change your boundaries; though. Sorry that you're upset

I had this with current DP. Never used to mind, it bothers me now. I can't really articulate why. I think it's a wide range of things; but it boils down to that I think he's a better man than that, and I don't think I could get over the disappointment that he's not if he got a private dance. He can choose if he's willing to live like that, or not. I don't know if that helps at all! So far, he's always stayed within agreed boundaries.

• @willswife - yet to ask if it was the same girl twice but I’m inclined to agree that I’d be even more pissed if it was*

And I absolutely agree with this; although I don't know why. The same girl would bother me more.

Thank you @anchordown

Go with how it makes you feel..
Personally I wouldn't like it and I've made that clear to my DH, on the very rare occasion his mates have gone on to strip clubs he's just come home, usually his married/attached friends have made their excuses and gone home too.
I think only you can decide how you feel about this and it's far more complicated than just your DH oggling a naked woman.

Just tell him it's ok, you had a couple of lads from the neighbourhood round and they paid you £50 a piece to lapdance for them. Then see if he feels a little uncomfortable about that.

Haha @fairenuff

I wouldn't tell him it was okay and then complain because he spent money on it. It was never going to be free, was it? But a private dance is a red line for me.

I’m just amazed he told you! Isn’t it usually loose lips sink ships when the lads go away together?

I'd rather not know. What happens on tour...

For me being a 'little uncomfortable' would be unreasonable, because I'd end the relationship if my partner did something like this (there's simply no way he would - I wouldn't even date the kind of person who would think it was acceptable).

Your line is your own to draw.

I would find it totally unacceptable and disloyal. I would also be furious about the waste of money.

if you didn't tell him beforehand that you didn't want him to get any/more than one dance; it's unreasonable to annoyed at him now

I've never told my DH that I would be (beyond) annoyed if he paid a woman to strip off and writhe about naked to arouse him. I'm pretty sure he would take that as a given, but then, as a pp said, I didn't marry that kind of man...

Up to you OP.

I chose a man who would never consider a stag night.

I knew a girl once who “didn’t marry that kind of man” when her sister’s husband had an affair - funny enough, it was her own husband who ended up getting her best friend pregnant.

I think you have a right to feel that way, and also every right to tell him so.

Everyone - I would hope - thinks they married a man who wouldn't have an affair, and some of them are wrong, but I think you know if you married a man who would go on a stag do to Barcelona where a trip to a stripclub would probably be on the cards. I didn't.
But anyway, my point was, I don't agree that you can't be annoyed with him for getting two private dances in a lapdancing club unless you explicitly told him beforehand that you would be annoyed. That's absurd.

Boys will be boys?

Fucking hell.

Glad I married a man and we're working together to raise another man.

Eww. I would not want to sleep with someone who paid for lapdances. Obviously others are entitled to not mind. But the sleaziness and waste of money would upset me.

I would be livid.

Give him a lap dance when he gets back, with a baseball bat to the nuts 😕🙌🏻

I would be fucking raging. How have we got to a situation where its totally acceptable for a man in a committed relationship to pay a young woman to rub her naked bits all over him? And we are told its harmless and just what guys do. No wonder so many men have zero respect for women.

As a man, i do not understand the appeal of paying some young woman to gyrate in front of me. I would feel personally degraded.

Having said that , if he is out on the town with the lads and daft enough to throw 2 x Euro50 to these women then more fool him. I would suggest though that he should have the wit and sensitivity not to broadcast it,especially to you, in such an in your face fashion.

I think I'd lose respect for him. It's kind of sleezy.

If you go out with a man who goes to strip clubs you can’t really moan as you’ve set the bar exceptionally low for yourself

You’re perfectly justified in valuing yourself highly enough to not want the man you’re with to pay women to display their body parts to him, OP.
It’s unfortunate that so many people have such low relationship standards that they think they have to put up with this crap.