AIBU to think MIL brought this on herself...?

[thedishwasherdoesntemptyitself]

Mother's Day coming up. MIL will get nothing from DH and (unless she buys it herself which she has been known to do) no card from DH's sister.

MIL has always bought gifts to send to others from her children and, here's where she went wrong IMO, continued to do this when they were adults. When I met DH she was still buying Christmas presents for various aunts and uncles and pretending they were from DH and SIL.

I spoke to DH about this (once we were an established couple and I knew his relatives) and said that I didn't want her sending gifts from me as I could buy my own. DH spoke to MIL, she stopped sending them from DH and I but continued sending them from SIL.

And so we bought our own presents. DH actually began to enjoy it ("oooh Auntie Margaret would like this..." etc.) but, as I learned later, FIL had always bought the Mother's Day cards (under orders from MIL) and because I don't buy Mother or Father's Day cards (my parents are dead, too painful to even look) they don't get anything. DH knows it's Mother's Day, he takes DD out to get me something, but he wouldn't think to get a card for his own mother.

MIL complains to me. I tell her to complain to her adult children. She told me she had bought a card and got SIL (lives near her, we don't) to write in it. I think she expected sympathy but I think she is just compounding the problem.

I think she brought it on herself, do you?

Just send the poor woman a card! It won't hurt!

“he takes DD out to get me something, but he wouldn't think to get a card for his own mother.”

So why not remind him to..

Perhaps she is, but the real villain here is your DH. Why can't he, an adult man, be trusted to get a card for his own mother? It's not your job to do this I agree, but I don't understand why he isn't stepping up here.

Why won't your DH but a card for his mother? That's ridiculous.

Your husband should think to get a card, but if all it will take to get him to send her one is for you to remind him, it would be bloody nasty and vindictive not to.

YANBU, she totally brought it on herself! Why should you have to buy her a card on behalf of your DH? He's a grown adult and if he doesn't want to buy one, that's the way he was brought up his choice, you shouldn't be expected to do it for him.

I can't understand why he wouldn't buy her a card just because she buys presents for people and sends them from the whole family? Is your DH a child or an adult?

The poor woman.

Your married to a dick, your right its not your responsibility to buy it but you have chosen him as your partner in life. It wouldnt put you out to mention your conversation with his mum to him. If you dont your intentionally allowing this to continue.

Your husband is still a dick for not figuring this out on his own.

Tell your husband to buy his mum a card! How selfish he sounds.

Why does your DH enjoy choosing presents for his aunts but can’t be arsed to buy a card for his mother? He must know it’s important for her, important enough for her to ask her husband to get a card.

I DO mention it to him, he says he has never done it. I think he thinks she doesn't give a damn because she has never taught him that it matters.

And NO! I am not turning into MIL and buying a card from him!

Sorry but you're married to an idiot. An unkind one at that.

Would it hurt to say to dh to buy his mum a card when he goes to buy you one? Not that you should have to.

Does he remember your birthday and Christmas presents ok?

No this is quite simply the thoughtlessness of your DH - he knows it’s Mother’s Day, he is actively out shopping, I think it’s a disgrace personally. It’s not your responsibility to remind him or buy a card for his mother.

I think your dh needs to grow a pair, and takes his mother’s feelings into consideration!!! You are also BU to know that this is upsetting MIL and not do anything to remind the h

He needs to be ‘taught’ that it matters?? Seriously??

I think he thinks she doesn't give a damn because she has never taught him that it matters.

Jesus, she shouldn't have to teach him that a Mother's Day card matters!

beepbeeprichie That is an interesting point and I suspect because I initiate Christmas gift buying but not Mother's Day buying (I don't have a mother). However, he does take DD out so he knows what the day represents...

Jeez that is nuts the poor woman has an ungrateful selfish family why won't he get his mother a card does he not like her or care for her feelings ?

I read and reread your post and I dont understand why your DH does not buy his mother a mothers day card.
I cannot see how your mother inlaw sending gifts to relatives on behalf of her son and daughter is so terrible. You took over buying the gifts thats ok.
FIL bought mothers day cards for who ? His wife?
I truly cannot see that apart from being over zealous sending presents in your DH and SILs what your MILs crime is.
I think you and particularly your husband are really mean not to buy her a card. Its not afternoon tea at the Ritz its just a card.

He sounds like a lazy manchild tbh.

Well your dh is an absolute cunt then, and I couldn't enjoy anything he got me with my children while he was being such a nasty piece of work to his own mum.

GreatDuckCookery Yes, he always remembers me at Christmas and birthdays. He remembers our anniversary and I don't always .

Mothers Day is a commercial con, I prefer my dc to be considerate all year round. Not getting a card for Mother's Day would not matter one bit. I specifically have asked them never to get me flowers as the prices are so inflated it's criminal. A bunch of flowers at any other time of the year is always welcome though, and that's what generally happens.