AIBU to think MIL brought this on herself...?

[thedishwasherdoesntemptyitself]

Mother's Day coming up. MIL will get nothing from DH and (unless she buys it herself which she has been known to do) no card from DH's sister.

MIL has always bought gifts to send to others from her children and, here's where she went wrong IMO, continued to do this when they were adults. When I met DH she was still buying Christmas presents for various aunts and uncles and pretending they were from DH and SIL.

I spoke to DH about this (once we were an established couple and I knew his relatives) and said that I didn't want her sending gifts from me as I could buy my own. DH spoke to MIL, she stopped sending them from DH and I but continued sending them from SIL.

And so we bought our own presents. DH actually began to enjoy it ("oooh Auntie Margaret would like this..." etc.) but, as I learned later, FIL had always bought the Mother's Day cards (under orders from MIL) and because I don't buy Mother or Father's Day cards (my parents are dead, too painful to even look) they don't get anything. DH knows it's Mother's Day, he takes DD out to get me something, but he wouldn't think to get a card for his own mother.

MIL complains to me. I tell her to complain to her adult children. She told me she had bought a card and got SIL (lives near her, we don't) to write in it. I think she expected sympathy but I think she is just compounding the problem.

I think she brought it on herself, do you?

Put her address on here and I will send her one..bless her..sometimes in life I've often thought ,...you more you give ,the more people take....very apt in this case

This is all very pointless, folks, getting yourselves into a lather, the OP isn't reading your recriminations anymore!!

She didn't do herself any favours with the tone of her posts, but it actually isn't her job to buy a Mother's Day card for her MIL. I think the FIL didn't do her any favours by buying cards on behalf of their adult DCs. It let them off the hook basically.

YABU and petty.

My MIL is like my second mum, and as much as it's painful to go into a shop and buy her a card when my own mum has passed away, there is no way I wouldn't.

MIL gets a card and gift every year, without fail from DH and me.

Just buy her a card from you both FFS.

Your husband is a twat and you’re just as bad! She might not be your mother, but she is your MIL!
My dad died years ago, but I still buy the Father’s Day card for DH to sign. He’s my FIL and I love him.
You’re just being obtuse OP!!

How long has FIL been gone?

Do you like her as a person / mil?

Did you have a moment of glee this morning OP, thinking of how sad and neglected your mil felt - as you unwrapped your card and presents bought by the son she give the gift of life to??

I wonder if he will recognise his mother as being his mother during the reading of her will? I hope she leaves all her valuable assets to the cats home tbh

I hope that when my sons have partners I don't have to rely on my DiLs for a card, or to hear that my sons had to be nagged into getting something. Shame on him.

And, if when the time comes any of my DiLs have lost their mums I hope I would also be reaching out to them, not expecting them to look after me.

Selfish of your DH. You shouldn’t be blaming MIL, you should have a word. Don’t you care about her?

As previous posters have said, you do sound strangely gleeful about it all. How would you feel if you were her? It’s very odd of you.

Gleeful? Woah. Not what I am hearing at all. OP sounds frustrated. Her Husband and his mother with an entrenched communication problem, not of OPs making, but which she is being guilted into feeling she should resolve.

Adark I think you’ve missed the bit in the title when OP says MIL has ‘brought it all on herself’. She doesn’t show any insight about her husband’s role and she doesn’t seem to care about her MIL. (And neither does her DH.)

Goodness, you're harsh. Poor MIL.

OP doesn't sound frustrated. She sounds strangely detached given that she's gone to the trouble of posting about this in the first place. And seems to have no sense that being married to anyone might give you any influence over them whatsoever.

I think all previous Posters are women. As you can see from my User name, I am not.
I am genuinely startled to hear the level of abuse from some Posters about a man who has not sent his Mum a card (even though it has not been his custom to do so). Yes "Abuse"-not criticism-we can all read what has been written.
How important can it be not send your mum a bit of cardboard through the Post on a day invented by the manufacturers of Greetings Cards?
And if he had done so, would he have open to criticism for not sending a big or expensive enough card?
And what about flowers-are they also compulsory? Have you seen the price of flowers on Mothers' day?
And does this also apply to Fathers' Day? I never sent my Father a card on Fathers' Day, when he was alive. I am damn sure he never sent his own Father any such thing. Had I sent him a Fathers' Day card he would have been truly astonished-and he did not care or notice when I did not.
Is this just a women's' thing? If so why?
IMHO the tone of this thread is a bit mad and frightening for the average man.

How important can it be not send your mum a bit of cardboard through the Post on a day invented by the manufacturers of Greetings Cards?

Think not, it's a holiday observed by Christians. Mothering Sunday, Fourth Sunday in Lent. Not a "Hallmark Holiday" like Fathers Day is.

@OnlyaMan does it not cross your mind that you and another person might have different views on what's important about cards. Or does only your opinion count?

Also, zombie thread. Could your only a man massive brain not realise that a thread about Mother's Day might not be current?

In fact. I believe "Mothering Sunday" was originally about "Mother Church", and not actual mothers. So is not perhaps a "Hallmark Holiday"?

Yes, but girls in service took a simnel cake home to their mothers on Mothering Sunday. Honouring their mother AND the mother church.

K?

Or should I spell it out in simpler terms that a man can understand.

Boner

Sex

Tits

Shag

Again, how is that relevant to how op felt? Felt. This thread is weeks old. Take your mansplaining elsewhere and have a think that they op may just not have to feel the same way as you

If the mother in law and their father has never taught your husband how to buy a gift for the day or a card, then that’s her own fault really. If it hurts her as much as she says it does then she should be adult enough to talk to him. If my mum never got anyone to help us buy a card etc or didn’t show any want for a card then why would I bother as an adult? He hasn’t had to do it for 40 years. He does it for you because he knows you would like a card and he takes your daughter so he is showing her what to do. I don’t think he is awful for not buying anything. She should have thought of that when doing everything for him. Maybe he doesn’t want to get her one and maybe he just doesn’t care, none of those things are issues really as he is a grown man and can choose to buy a card or not. Why should the op buy it for him? She can’t force him and has mentioned it to him several times, why should she do anymore than that?

I realise I’m very late to the thread and hadn’t read it all before commenting.