I think it’s a generational thing, and some people just haven’t caught up. It was all well and good to give ‘gifts to set up the home’ when couples didn’t live together until marriage and needed everything. Now the vast majority of people moved out from home long before they marry, and often live together for years as well, money is a much more helpful and relevant gift than a gravy boat or a picture frame. I think insisting on giving an unwanted present rather than asked for money says far more about the gift giver than the couple who ask for money. It’s logical, not grabby, to ask for what’s actually useful.
I’m 30, my cohort have been ramping up the weddings for a few years, I don’t think I’ve seen a single gift list and wouldn’t think to give anything other than money.
The ‘they can see what you’ve given’ bit also doesn’t seem necessary - generally I see people giving one card with well wishes in ‘from so and so’ and another envelope unsigned with money in, so no way of knowing who’s given what. Anyone who really wants the couple to know what they’ve given can put their name, others won’t. I suppose cheques would be outing but I think I’m the only person of my age I know with a cheque book and I’ve used it once.
Best of all is when couples ask for vouchers for a specific travel agent or when you can buy through a website things for a honeymoon (massage, bottle of champers etc) then no need for cash, can do it online, actually get a couple what they will appreciate (they already definitely have a toaster...)
I really do think it’s a case of feelings about event etiquette catching up too slowly with people’s actual lifestyles.