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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Help yourself"

210 replies

SheNumpty · 08/03/2018 15:09

I'm pretty sure I'm not being unreasonable here. My MIL looks after DD one day a week, sometimes more depending on circumstances. She's not particularly well off, and when she comes round I tell her to help herself to anything she wants, snacks, drinks etc. as she was coming round with her own bread for toast and things like that in a bag each time.

She finally stopped bringing her own bread after I'd insisted for weeks on end that she's welcome to use as much of our bread as she likes and cab help herself to what she likes.

Anyway, I came home from work yesterday to find she's eaten half the chocolates I had for valentines day. Yes I know I'm unreasonable to still have some left in March. Thing is, they weren't even open. She opened them. AIBU, or do you just not do that? I wouldn't even take chocolate from an open box, it was obvious they were mine, and for Valentines.

I'm so puzzled by the transition from bringing your own bread, to save using slices of ours, to tucking into an unopened box of someone's chocolates.

So AIBU? I told her to help herself but would you guys take that as literally ANYTHING you find? DH thought it was hilarious, I think he should buy me a new box of chocs.

OP posts:
Merryhobnobs · 08/03/2018 15:12

My Mum ate the only chocolate I had in the house the day after I gave birth to my DD. She denies it to this day but I know it was her. I guess she just took a real notion to them. I hide my best chocolates/treats away so no-one can get them unless I choose to share. I wouldn't say anything. Just hide it in future.

ghostyslovesheets · 08/03/2018 15:12

Do you pay her for the childcare?

MakeUpMyRoom · 08/03/2018 15:12

I think you're being U.

"help yourself" means just that.

They can't have been that nice if they were still in the fridge. I assume she just thought they were chocolates and not a gift.

I assume she's working for free. How much did the chocolates cost?

MavisPike · 08/03/2018 15:12

I’d let it go to be honest

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 08/03/2018 15:13

Ahh it's your mum you tight bugger!!

bridgetreilly · 08/03/2018 15:13

It is a bit weird, but if you've been telling her so firmly to make herself at home and help herself to food, I guess she thought she was okay to have whatever she fancied.

But agree with pp, don't say anything. Just put special things somewhere she won't find them.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 08/03/2018 15:14

What's the issue? Do you begrudge her some chocs? Were you planning on eating them all yourself? It's a month later and you hadn't opened them, I think you could share. Do you pay her for childcare?

Handsfull13 · 08/03/2018 15:14

My dad constantly helps himself to food in our house. It's a pain because he never asks and we have our own separate treats and he seems to always go for my step sons which I then have to top up without him noticing. If he just took from mine it would be so much easier.
That being said he never opens anything even that's a line he wouldn't cross.
I think you might have to hide treats you don't want her to get hold of and just get your hubby to replace them.

LavenderDoll · 08/03/2018 15:14

What type of chocolates were they? Either a naice box or just not standard
Where were they kept
Sometimes after a day of child care I feel the need for chocolate maybe she had a stressful day

Whatshallidonowpeople · 08/03/2018 15:14

Who keeps a box of chocs in the fridge?

MashLover · 08/03/2018 15:15

I'd let it go but I know exactly what you mean.

Help yourself means make yourself a coffee and have a few biscuits out of an already open packet or some toast ect. Not open a sealed box of chocolates and eat half! Shock

Whatshallidonowpeople · 08/03/2018 15:16

My dad constantly helps himself to food in our house. It's a pain because he never asks and we have our own separate treats and he seems to always go for my step sons which I then have to top up without him noticing.

Just buy the man his own "treats". Although how food is a treat baffles me

Thistlebelle · 08/03/2018 15:17

I can see why it would be annoying but I think if you’ve made a big point that she should help herself and she’s only just got brave enough to do it then you really can’t say anything.

In future just keep special chocolates or biscuits somewhere else.

TheJoyOfSox · 08/03/2018 15:20

Yabu. You told her to help herself, and she did!

Original poster
SheNumpty · 08/03/2018 15:20

I've no idea who keeps chocolate in the fridge lol I never said I did. They were actually still in the Valentines gift bag I was given them in. They were Thorntons, Valentines themed ones.

Just to be clear, I've absolutely no intention of mentioning anything to her, I'm not annoyed or anything like that, just pondering the interpretation of me saying help yourself as it's not the same way I would interpret it. I'd never open anything that wasn't already open is all. They could have been a gift for someone else.

We do pay her for childcare, as I said she's not really well off so we pay her instead of the childminder one day a week to help and to give her proper time with DD. Smile

OP posts:
Clandestino · 08/03/2018 15:21

So you get (presumably) free childcare or a much cheaper one than you'd have to pay for under normal circumstances and you begrudge her chocolates? If they're so precious, hide them away. I do with mine because I have mysterious cockroaches in he house feeding on chocolate pralines.

Armi · 08/03/2018 15:22

She’d probably seen them every time she’d been round providing free childcare for you over the several weeks since 14th Feb and thought you didn’t want them. My mother would do this (‘Well, I thought you didn’t want them and really, you shouldn’t have them anyway so I’m helping you out’) and it would then turn into a semi-hysterical, much exaggerated family story to be re-told at regular opportunities and referred to as an on-going, mock-grievance, with family members warning the chocolate-muncher ‘I’ve counted those’ whenever chocolates appear at family gatherings.

Just get some more if it really matters to you.

pinkginanyone · 08/03/2018 15:22

You told her to help herself, she keeps your kid for you, YABU! It’s a few chocs not your life savings you miser.

VladmirsPoutine · 08/03/2018 15:23

Yabu and rather precious. She took some chocolates - she didn't cut out one of your kidneys.

Armi · 08/03/2018 15:23

Poor woman. Providing free childcare and the only chocolates she can get her hands on are Thornton’s.

Armi · 08/03/2018 15:24

Ah. Not free after all.

Original poster
SheNumpty · 08/03/2018 15:24

I never said I begrudge her the chocolate, as I said, just wondering if other people would deem an unopened box of chocolates fair game. She is genuinely welcome to anything she likes, I was just totally surprised given how she was when she first came round is all. I'm not going to be banging on her for with a pitchfork and torch lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
SheNumpty · 08/03/2018 15:25

Should have read "banging on her door" there. Bloody phone.

OP posts:
Aprilmightmemynewname · 08/03/2018 15:25

They were clearly a present for you - in no way communal!!
Cf!!

lifeisfullofducks · 08/03/2018 15:26

Are people not reading she pays her MIL for looking after her little one? I would just let it go op and in future maybe put treats out of the way.