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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Help yourself"

210 replies

SheNumpty · 08/03/2018 15:09

I'm pretty sure I'm not being unreasonable here. My MIL looks after DD one day a week, sometimes more depending on circumstances. She's not particularly well off, and when she comes round I tell her to help herself to anything she wants, snacks, drinks etc. as she was coming round with her own bread for toast and things like that in a bag each time.

She finally stopped bringing her own bread after I'd insisted for weeks on end that she's welcome to use as much of our bread as she likes and cab help herself to what she likes.

Anyway, I came home from work yesterday to find she's eaten half the chocolates I had for valentines day. Yes I know I'm unreasonable to still have some left in March. Thing is, they weren't even open. She opened them. AIBU, or do you just not do that? I wouldn't even take chocolate from an open box, it was obvious they were mine, and for Valentines.

I'm so puzzled by the transition from bringing your own bread, to save using slices of ours, to tucking into an unopened box of someone's chocolates.

So AIBU? I told her to help herself but would you guys take that as literally ANYTHING you find? DH thought it was hilarious, I think he should buy me a new box of chocs.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 08/03/2018 16:12

Some boxes g gf chocolate don't actually contain that much chocolate.

Namechangemum100 · 08/03/2018 16:12

I don't think you are being unreasonable, I would find this a bit weird and wouldn't dream of doing it myself.

"Help yourself" is a very common phrase, but most people understand what that actually means. Tea, coffee, biscuits, toast, juice, crisps and so on. A box of UNOPENED chocolates however is not acceptable. If we were talking about an already opened box of after eights on the side, or something similar then that's more understandable.

It would be like mil coming in and cracking open all the children's Easter eggs, you just wouldn't do it.

Mrsmadevans · 08/03/2018 16:13

I think she has been coming to yours since Valentines day and has been tortured by these chocs. I think you should give your mum the rest of them and get her some very nice ones for Mother's day . Bless her !

Blonde87 · 08/03/2018 16:14

What a bizarre thing to get upset about. Do you not get out much?

StealthPolarBear · 08/03/2018 16:15

She isn't upset

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 08/03/2018 16:16

Oh this reminds me of being a young teenager and inviting a friend to "help herself" to the biscuit and then being too embarrassed to say anything as she literally polished off an entire tin which was weeks worth of biscuits by our house standards!

Fortunately my Mum didn't go crazy as I'd expected and suggested next time I asked if she'd like "a couple of biscuits" instead. Bless looking back it was only cheap bourbons and custard creams but we didn't have much and I just remember thinking "but that's not what I meant!"

Trendy1 · 08/03/2018 16:16

Paperdoll, WHY DON'T PEOPLE READ THE THREAD, FFS? Yes, I am shouting, because it is frustrating sifting through all the replies, when people are posting rubbish because they cannot be bothered to read the thread.

It's totally out of order to eat what is obviously a gift. Unless you are in the habit of buying yourself expensive choccies and they are always in the house, then she would not have known they were a gift.

It is also totally out of order to eat expensive choccies which were unopened. I would be able to say to my mum 'blimey, were you hungry or what?', and she would not be offended. What else was in the house that she could have eaten? Presumably there was other food?

Also, don't keep saying you weren't cross. I'd be flipping wild, I don't have chocolate normally, so a gift would have been like gold dust to me. You were obvs cross or you wouldn't bother even thinking about it let alone posting.

thethoughtfox · 08/03/2018 16:19

Of course you don't do that but it's your mum who is providing childcare for you and spending time enriching your child's life. Who doesn't have a lot of money. Come on...

meandmytinfoilhat · 08/03/2018 16:20

You said help yourself. So she did.

upsideup · 08/03/2018 16:26

DH thought it was hilarious, I think he should buy me a new box of chocs.

Why? You hadnt even taken them out of the gift bag a month after he gave the first box to you.

Chienrouge · 08/03/2018 16:27

Why? You hadnt even taken them out of the gift bag a month after he gave the first box to you

Because she’s going through chemo and doesn’t fancy them. Plus I didn’t realise gifts were given with a time limit for consumption/use!

LinesInTheSand · 08/03/2018 16:28

Stealth

I think reading anything beyond Take a Break is too much for many posters on here

ReggaetonLente · 08/03/2018 16:29

Well I think she’s been rude!

RadioGaGoo · 08/03/2018 16:32

So many posters who would take 'help yourself' to the limit by just helping themselves to unopened chocolates in their daughters fridge.

Original poster
SheNumpty · 08/03/2018 16:32

@Blonde87 Actually at the moment I don't get out much as I'm having chemo and everybody out there seems riddled with germs. But, as I have said previously and many times, not upset at all - just looking to see if other people would have interpreted it the same way.

Think I might copy that part of my thread onto the clipboard, seem to be typing it a lot. Confused

OP posts:
Orangecake123 · 08/03/2018 16:32

I can understand but chocolate can be replaced. If someone told me to help myself I would assume I could have some chocolate too.

RebeccaCloud9 · 08/03/2018 16:33

Cancel the cheque!

BrendasUmbrella · 08/03/2018 16:34

The irony of posters who totally fly off the handle telling a perfectly calm and reasonable OP that she is flying off the handle...

StealthPolarBear · 08/03/2018 16:34

Orange would you seriously get an unopened box out of a gift bag?

HonkyWonkWoman · 08/03/2018 16:36

Oh God! Don't leave any choccies around when I come round.
I can't resist.
All my family know this and do hide them from me.
Including Grandchildren! Naughty Granny!

StealthPolarBear · 08/03/2018 16:36

Helping yourself to a chocolate out of an unopened box is one thing, a minor level of cheekiness. Taking them out of the gift bag, presumably taking the cellophane off and eating half of them before the intended recipient has even had a chance to choose one is odd.

Bluelady · 08/03/2018 16:36

But you SHOULD be upset, OP. Mumsnet says so!

melj1213 · 08/03/2018 16:36

If someone told me to help myself I would assume I could have some chocolate too.

There is a difference between "some chocolate" and a clearly gifted box of unopened valentines chocolates still in their packaging.

Especially considering that the OP is saving them because their taste is affected by their chemo treatments, a fact I'm sure the OPs mother is aware of.

SistersOfPercy · 08/03/2018 16:37

An open box/bar of chocolate = fair game
Sealed chocolates in a gift bag = off limits.

AddictedtoSnickers · 08/03/2018 16:37

I'm with you OP. You don't open other people's presents! Doesn't matter if they're edible or not. 'Help yourself' doesn't extend to things clearly sealed and still in a gift bag. Maybe eating a few from a half eaten, open box....yep understandable. But she must have been having a bad day to get that desperate for a sugar hit!!