"Help yourself"

[SheNumpty]

I'm pretty sure I'm not being unreasonable here. My MIL looks after DD one day a week, sometimes more depending on circumstances. She's not particularly well off, and when she comes round I tell her to help herself to anything she wants, snacks, drinks etc. as she was coming round with her own bread for toast and things like that in a bag each time.

She finally stopped bringing her own bread after I'd insisted for weeks on end that she's welcome to use as much of our bread as she likes and cab help herself to what she likes.

Anyway, I came home from work yesterday to find she's eaten half the chocolates I had for valentines day. Yes I know I'm unreasonable to still have some left in March. Thing is, they weren't even open. She opened them. AIBU, or do you just not do that? I wouldn't even take chocolate from an open box, it was obvious they were mine, and for Valentines.

I'm so puzzled by the transition from bringing your own bread, to save using slices of ours, to tucking into an unopened box of someone's chocolates.

So AIBU? I told her to help herself but would you guys take that as literally ANYTHING you find? DH thought it was hilarious, I think he should buy me a new box of chocs.

Lines I don't understand what's unreasonable. You did say to help herself.

Staples and recalibrate the machine.

Perhaps she couldn't go out to the shop to buy chocolate and couldn't control her urges any longer.

You said help yourself to anything you like. She did, and you're complaining.

I don't get it.

Well I can see why you might think that - I mean it's only been explained about 97,0000,000 times on the thread. Or did you not read it?

When my grandmother used to look after me now and again as a child, any chocolate in the house was fair game. My mother used to hide her really special ones in the end and leave boxes of Dairy Box and Milk Tray around for her. It was endearing

Valentines chocs or happy birthday chocs or wine in a gift bag etc

Not fair game in my book

Like youself i wouldnt make a fuss about it after the event

Oh and yes to not eating the last of something or opening an unopened bar of choc

I might open a multi pack but not a bar

I once went round to my dads to wrap presents when he wasn't there

To sustain myself I managed to eat the very large bar of chocolate...which i replaced the next time i went round to wrap presents...which i ate while i was wrapping them

It turned into quite the vicious circle

I think this is very strange too! I would just never open an unopened box of chocolates in someone else's house. At the most - if someone had said 'help yourself' I may pinch the odd chocolate out of an open box of chocolates...

Given the intel about the bread, I am actually of the view that this was NOT your mum at all... I think this was someone else. I put money on DD - or DD telling your mum that you had said that they should share the chocolates. This is the sort of think I would have tried on with a babysitter as a child...

She'd be mortified and end up bringing bottles of her own air to breathe next time
This had me in stitches!

OP why don't you pay her for childcare OMG

Haha oh no I wouldn't open someone else's chocolates!! It's hardly the crime of the century and I do find it quite funny (sorry OP) but she seems to have gone from one extreme to another

This is a really funny thread. As if people think 'help yourself' means literally take anything you like from my home.

Of course YANBU

Careful OP - she might take the carpets home with her next.

I think it's really rude to open a box of someone else's chocolates. I wouldn't even do that and I have a terrible sweet tooth!

I might be a bit tempted to sneak one or two from an opened box, though...

Feminist badger that would be fine. Op did say to help herself to anything. She should fully expect to come back to a gutted shell of a home. Maybe her mil could leave just one lightning so she can see what's missing :)

Light bulb

cambodianfoxhound
Given the intel about the bread, I am actually of the view that this was NOT your mum at all...

Well, no, it wasn't, it was her MIL

But I actually agree with you, I too think that DD might have told MIL that it was ok to eat them?

Childcare 101 - never trust a child who says "my mum/dad said I can ..." If it is something you haven't previously cleared with said parents beforehand or sounds dubious.

What adult would believe a small child when they said that the box of Valentine's day chocolates - that are clearly unopened and still in their gift packaging - were fair game as an afternoon snack ... especially if there was other snack foods/chocolate readily available and clearly intended for communal use?

mmhm, that's true melj1213....

So what could be happening here? Why would MIL do that now (given what we know about the previous bread situation)? (and the answer to this is NOT because the OP told her to 'help herself'!)

OP, is she upset about something? Has anything else changed in her relationship with you/DH?

Another one who thinks the op’s DD opened a date them.

It’s just too weird otherwise!

*and ate them. Not date them! That really would be weird!

Cor blimey, it's turned into a who dunnit!! DH told me that he'd moved them to where DD couldn't have reached them, so independent chocolate snaffling was ruled out. DD is only two so I can't really imagine her being articulate enough to convince MIL that she'd been given permission. MIL might have stage baked goods tendencies, and the penchant for a chocolate or two, but she's not gullible.

On another note, on her arrival this morning I casually mentioned what there was in the cupboard for today's treats (for her and DD) and she actually said that they were some of her favourites - I happen to know DD doesn't like one of them so I know I can send her home with them once she tells me DD won't eat them.

I hoping all carpets and fixtures and fittings will be present in the house upon my return, and the bag of bread never darkens my door again. I have also identified a location for my chocolate stash in future.

To everyone who wished me well with my chemo, and to those who didn't accuse me of cheap labour exploitation and, even worse, keeping my chocolate in the fridge, I thank you!

@IamAporcupine she is quite stressed about another family member as it happens, she got quite upset about it on the phone recently. We are trying to work out how best to help but it's quite difficult and we don't want to intefer with said person.

"even worse, keeping my chocolate in the fridge, I thank you!"
OK I did think you were lovely but I've changed my mind. Chocolate belongs in the fridge!

@StealthPolarBear Oh no, does this mean we can't be friends? Can you not overlook my "one" deficiency?? I know it's a biggy. Maybe I could start leaving my chocolate in the fridge and do something less offensive like picking my nose? Is there hope for me?