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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Help yourself"

210 replies

SheNumpty · 08/03/2018 15:09

I'm pretty sure I'm not being unreasonable here. My MIL looks after DD one day a week, sometimes more depending on circumstances. She's not particularly well off, and when she comes round I tell her to help herself to anything she wants, snacks, drinks etc. as she was coming round with her own bread for toast and things like that in a bag each time.

She finally stopped bringing her own bread after I'd insisted for weeks on end that she's welcome to use as much of our bread as she likes and cab help herself to what she likes.

Anyway, I came home from work yesterday to find she's eaten half the chocolates I had for valentines day. Yes I know I'm unreasonable to still have some left in March. Thing is, they weren't even open. She opened them. AIBU, or do you just not do that? I wouldn't even take chocolate from an open box, it was obvious they were mine, and for Valentines.

I'm so puzzled by the transition from bringing your own bread, to save using slices of ours, to tucking into an unopened box of someone's chocolates.

So AIBU? I told her to help herself but would you guys take that as literally ANYTHING you find? DH thought it was hilarious, I think he should buy me a new box of chocs.

OP posts:
YorkshireLurker · 08/03/2018 15:45

OP I agree, I wouldn't open something that looked like a gift even if it looks very tasty

A loaf of bread, milk, snacks etc are different to a box of valentines choc, I don't think YABU it's not the done thing :)

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/03/2018 15:46

But you insisted she helped herself. So she did Grin

I don't get your puzzlement if I'm honest OP.

StealthPolarBear · 08/03/2018 15:47

And you don't think it's at all odd

dancingthroughthedark · 08/03/2018 15:49

Are you sure she ate them and it's not that she'
s been feeding them to your child?

mydietstartsmonday · 08/03/2018 15:50

Buy her some chocolates as a present as she liked them so much.
I almost certainly would not, but if they were laying around for over 1 month and as a chocoholic I got desperate I might be tempted. She probably thought you didn't want them.
You did say help yourself! So she did?
Leave some chocolate or biscuits in the house for her.

BrendasUmbrella · 08/03/2018 15:50

She probably had a sudden attack of the munchies and those chocs were all she could lay her hands on. Plus for them to still be unopened two weeks after Valentine's Day (f this is recent) she may have thought you didn't want them.

I do think it's a lovely idea to get a few bits in for her. Maybe stuff for jam and cream scones the next day she visits after Mother's Day? That seems to be the Official Mother's Day treat from the way my supermarket website keeps pushing them at me...

GlitterGlue · 08/03/2018 15:50

Gifts are not fair game.

SweetMoon · 08/03/2018 15:50

YANBU it's a bit odd to eat someone's personal obviously special chocolates. That's very different to normal food or treats in the cupboard. Perhaps she just couldn't help herself!

Branleuse · 08/03/2018 15:51

Thats pretty cheeky, but you did say help yourself I guess, and id let it slide for free childcare

Iloveacurry · 08/03/2018 15:51

As they were obviously valentines chocolates and not open, then I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

KarmaStar · 08/03/2018 15:52

I don't think my mil would eat mine i keep my Maltesers(only chocolate in the house)in the freezer.,taste much nicer and no sticky chocolate hands...😉
Reckon your mil had a sudden urge for chocolate OP,but yes I wouldn't open a box of chocolates in someone's home.perfectly understand you being bemused by this

StrangeLookingParasite · 08/03/2018 15:54

I would never help myself to something that looked "special", opened or unopened.

Exactly this. Especially something unopened.

Honestly I think a lot of these replies are being contrary for the sake of it.

StrangeLookingParasite · 08/03/2018 15:55

id let it slide for free childcare

It is not free. She is being paid.

NotSoSprightly · 08/03/2018 15:55

YANBU. I wouldn't eat someone else's unopened chocolate.

KinkyAfro · 08/03/2018 15:56

It is not free childcare FFS, read the thread!

Bluelady · 08/03/2018 15:57

Those chocolates have been taunting her for nearly three weeks and temptation got the better of her. Glad you're not pissed off with her, OP. If you get more on Sunday eat them quick!

Original poster
SheNumpty · 08/03/2018 15:58

@dancingthroughthedark I suspect she shared with DD, Lord knows if she'd given the whole half box to DD that actually would be something I would get pissed off about. I'll never know though, I wouldn't even mention it in passing in case I upset her.

I probably should have put them somewhere else if I wanted to hang on to them. I'm going through chemo at the moment though and nothing tastes right, I know if I'd eaten them they wouldn't taste right, so I was "sort of" saving them, but I'm really not precious about them lol.

We do also pay her for childcare to those who keep saying we don't. Smile

OP posts:
XXHelenaXX · 08/03/2018 16:02

There is a world of difference between, say, a tin of Quality Street and

They were actually still in the Valentines gift bag I was given them in. They were Thorntons, Valentines themed ones.

YANBU and she should have been more sensitive.

StealthPolarBear · 08/03/2018 16:04

I think you should pay her for childcare op ;)

PaperdollCartoon · 08/03/2018 16:08

This is a fantastically classic MN example of people not actually reading the thread or what the OP is saying. Cancel the cheque OP...

You’re right, most people wouldn’t eat open and eat from an unopened box of what are clearly ‘present’ chocolates. It’s not like it was a packet of Twixes in the snack cupboard. But definitely more funny than anything else, and not worth saying anything. I would buy more chocy snacks and leave them out for her.

But your DH should still buy you new ones, which you should eat immediately. How had you not even opened them in nearly a month?!

ginch · 08/03/2018 16:09

I'm a chocolate fiend, I would have looked at the box, sniffed it repeatedly, admired it and dribbled all day. I wouldn't have opened it though.

Hope the chemo's working for you OP. Flowers

Emmasmum2013 · 08/03/2018 16:10

Shame on those who assumed OP was not paying for the childcare... let this be a lesson to you. And even if she didn't pay for it, is half a box of gifted chocolates still fair game? I don't think so. What would her mum say? "Oh well dear, you don't pay me so I thought fuck it, I'll have them"

YANBU OP, definitely get her a box for mother's day (make sure to eat half before gifting) ;)

RedBlackberries · 08/03/2018 16:11
  1. That's weird. Who does that?! YANBU
  1. I keep chocolate in the fridge. I hate it room temperature.
  1. Half a bloody box? Grin. I could probably eat my weight in savoury stuff like toast or crisps but chocolate? Did she have the munchies?!
WashBasketsAreUs · 08/03/2018 16:11

Help yourself translates to anything that's open but also not to take the last one of something i.e. the last Wispa in the fridge. If you ask first that's fine but otherwise no way.

agedknees · 08/03/2018 16:12

I think people should read what the op writes.

Yanbu. It was obviously a present. Bit weird to open someone else’s present.