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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Help yourself"

210 replies

SheNumpty · 08/03/2018 15:09

I'm pretty sure I'm not being unreasonable here. My MIL looks after DD one day a week, sometimes more depending on circumstances. She's not particularly well off, and when she comes round I tell her to help herself to anything she wants, snacks, drinks etc. as she was coming round with her own bread for toast and things like that in a bag each time.

She finally stopped bringing her own bread after I'd insisted for weeks on end that she's welcome to use as much of our bread as she likes and cab help herself to what she likes.

Anyway, I came home from work yesterday to find she's eaten half the chocolates I had for valentines day. Yes I know I'm unreasonable to still have some left in March. Thing is, they weren't even open. She opened them. AIBU, or do you just not do that? I wouldn't even take chocolate from an open box, it was obvious they were mine, and for Valentines.

I'm so puzzled by the transition from bringing your own bread, to save using slices of ours, to tucking into an unopened box of someone's chocolates.

So AIBU? I told her to help herself but would you guys take that as literally ANYTHING you find? DH thought it was hilarious, I think he should buy me a new box of chocs.

OP posts:
Thedogsmells · 08/03/2018 16:37

You don't open someone else's gift.

Houseworkavoider · 08/03/2018 16:40

It was a weird thing for her to do!
I hope your chemo is going well Flowers

Aprilmightmemynewname · 08/03/2018 16:42

You can get revenge on Mothers Day op.... She is bound to get something you can help yourself to!!

Serin · 08/03/2018 16:43

That is hilarious OP.
Is she prone to odd behaviour in other situations though?
My Gran had dementia and nothing with sugar in was safe around her. Her handbag was always crammed with sweets and chocolates, (not stolen though AFAIK)

Original poster
SheNumpty · 08/03/2018 16:44

Lol it's my MIL not my Mum, DH can do the Mother's Day shopping in this case. I lost my Mum to cancer 4 years ago, she'd never have touched my choccies lol.

OP posts:
Clevs · 08/03/2018 16:45

@SheNumpty If they were still unwrapped in the gift bag I think it's a bit cheeky.

My mum comes over when we're both at work sometimes to help out with housework and wouldn't dream of even taking one out of an open box of chocolates. Even when I've told her she can, she insists that they are ours. She does help herself to tea/coffee and biscuits though. If she comes at lunchtime she even brings her own sandwiches despite me saying she can make some at our house.

MarkBorrigan · 08/03/2018 16:47

It's an odd thing to do. I hope you feel better soon OP Flowers

And people, PLEASE, read things properly before commenting!

LinesInTheSand · 08/03/2018 16:47

Taking an unopened gift out of a gift bag and opening it, is pretty fucking ill-mannered.

Eating half of it is very, very rude indeed. Boundaries and all that ...

TotHappy · 08/03/2018 16:49

Slightly side note, but i HATE the assumption that if you haven't eaten chocolate by the time others would've, you dont want it. I dont love chocolate but now and again fancy some. A whole Easter egg, for example, might last me 6 months. But first my sister and now my dh insist on eating it if it's not gone in a week or two because 'I'm not eating it'. Wtf?! I am SAVING it! Same happens now with wine... I buy a bottle early in the week, fancy a glass a night. I do not want to have to buy a bottle every night just so i can have my one glass while dh cuddles the rest of it!

Hygge · 08/03/2018 16:50

Don't get drawn into the "if you don't pay her the going rate for childcare she can eat everything you own including the sofa and your child" argument.

You don't open someone else's present.

TotHappy · 08/03/2018 16:51

Guzzles, i mean. He's not at the stage of cuddling wine yet.

0lgaDaPolga · 08/03/2018 16:52

I’m with you op, help yourself is clearly about normal food around the house, I would never help myself to something that was clearly special or a gift!

UpstartCrow · 08/03/2018 17:06

Yanbu, opening someone else's Valentine gift is like cutting someone else's birthday cake.

user1467718508 · 08/03/2018 17:06

Grin at all of the indignant fist-shakers so ready to jump down OP's throat about selfishness and unpaid childcare.

FFS, let's be real now.

No matter who you are, taking a wrapped box of valentines themed chocolates, from a gift bag, opening them and eating half...that's weird in anyone's language.

dramatic eye roll

Celebelly · 08/03/2018 17:08

I think it's a bit weird as they were obviously Valentine's chocolates and in a sealed box, not an open box of Celebrations on the side. I wouldn't be digging around in gift bags and opening sealed boxes of posh chocolate even if I had been told to help myself!

ChikiTIKI · 08/03/2018 17:09

I would have been shocked too but would probably just make a mental note to hide chocs in future if you want to save them for yourself (and why shouldn't you- they were your gift not hers!)

When I was growing up we never opened any new packets of crisps, biscuits etc without checking with my mum first that it was ok. Usually it was fine but sometimes she had bought them for a particular day, or for lunch boxes, or for Brownies or Sunday School. When I started going out with my boyfriend (now husband) as teenagers, we were in his parents house and he got a sharing bag of crisps out of the cupboard and opened them for us to eat without asking his mum. I couldn't believe it!!!!! Seems so silly now but I was really shocked and actually tried to stop him!

Celebelly · 08/03/2018 17:09

Next time, slip a sex toy in the gift bag. That'll stop her rummaging.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 08/03/2018 17:09

I honestly wouldn't be arsed at all. Its only chocolate you can buy more..you have told her repeatedly to help herself so you cant now be annoyed she did exactly that. Also if they have been sitting since mid Feb maybe she just presumed you didnt like them. It's only chocolate.

TheBitchOfTheVicar · 08/03/2018 17:10

YADNBU.

In this house, I am usually the recipient of chocolates as a gift.

I am also the person who goes to the chocolate box, which I haven't yet opened, only to find ONE left languishing at the bottom.

FIL is the worst offender - but since it is when PIL are babysitting that he helps himself, I don't say anything. I just make DH replace them instead!

Allthebestnamesareused · 08/03/2018 17:12

Are you sure it wasn't your child who are them?

Appuskidu · 08/03/2018 17:14

That really is a change of attitude-going from being your own bread round in a bag, to opening chocolates that are still in their gift bag!

My mum would never do something like that, I have to say. Opening a box of chocolates clearly meant as a gift for someone else is a line you don’t cross IMO!

Backtoblack1 · 08/03/2018 17:17

YANBU! I think it was rude of her to do so and that your hubby should buy you some more. 😘😘😘

myrtleWilson · 08/03/2018 17:17

Presumably though Fucksake the OP's MIL knows the OP is having chemo at the moment and therefore may be aware her taste has been affected rather than not liking the chocolates...

TheKitchenWitch · 08/03/2018 17:18

That is weird. You don't open a box of gift chocolates in someone else's house, even if they are related and have said help yourself to food. You just don't do that!

Failingat40 · 08/03/2018 17:23

Yanbu.

It's weird and totally inappropriate for her to have interfered with what was obviously a valentines gift, bagged and sealed in the fridge!

If she was tempted to have some you'd think she'd at least text to ask first!?

Going from acting like Miss outsider bringing her own bread to opening special chocolate gifts is odd and imo she's done it for attention/reaction.

Is she maybe feeling lonely? Her seeing the valentines theme chocolate may have triggered her emotions for her dh?

I wouldn't have taken them without asking first no matter how much I was craving chocolate.