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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Help yourself"

210 replies

SheNumpty · 08/03/2018 15:09

I'm pretty sure I'm not being unreasonable here. My MIL looks after DD one day a week, sometimes more depending on circumstances. She's not particularly well off, and when she comes round I tell her to help herself to anything she wants, snacks, drinks etc. as she was coming round with her own bread for toast and things like that in a bag each time.

She finally stopped bringing her own bread after I'd insisted for weeks on end that she's welcome to use as much of our bread as she likes and cab help herself to what she likes.

Anyway, I came home from work yesterday to find she's eaten half the chocolates I had for valentines day. Yes I know I'm unreasonable to still have some left in March. Thing is, they weren't even open. She opened them. AIBU, or do you just not do that? I wouldn't even take chocolate from an open box, it was obvious they were mine, and for Valentines.

I'm so puzzled by the transition from bringing your own bread, to save using slices of ours, to tucking into an unopened box of someone's chocolates.

So AIBU? I told her to help herself but would you guys take that as literally ANYTHING you find? DH thought it was hilarious, I think he should buy me a new box of chocs.

OP posts:
MachineBee · 08/03/2018 17:32

First let me say OP, that YANBU.

I do wonder if she somehow thought they were a gift for her from her DS/DGC?

That aside, I’d definitely get her some snacks and make a special space in your cupboards for her treats - so she knows they’re hers and not left out for your DC to eye up.

Your DH should definitely be replacing them with something you can enjoy now and he she be doing this on a regular basis as you’re going through Chemo.

Original poster
SheNumpty · 08/03/2018 17:39

@Celebelly you just made me snort. She's usually such a timid person, I'd find her passed out on the floor.

I do wonder if my DD persuaded her to eat them with her, or maybe broke them open herself and brought them to her so maybe MIL thought they were open. They were closed with those tiny round clear sticky things you get on every side of the box so she could have got into them.

She's coming round to look after DD again tomorrow but I've just got in and, after DH's input, have put some of her favourite things in the cupboard. If she is feeling sad then at least she'll know we thought of her and she should be able to treat herself at our house anyway. We do massively appreciate her so, as many of you have said, she's due a bit of chocolate.

OP posts:
fearfultrill · 08/03/2018 17:46

Sorry but people are being really weird about this, would people here really go into someone's house, go into a gift bag, OPEN the contents, and eat half?! You are you all?!?

She was being totally unreasonable! Can't believe anyone is saying differently!

Original poster
SheNumpty · 08/03/2018 17:49

@ginch Thank you, I'll be finding out if it is on Monday as it happens.

OP posts:
SmallBlondeMama · 08/03/2018 17:51

I get crazy chocolate cravings sometimes.... maybe she had a huge craving and couldn't resist :) I would just use this as an excuse to buy yourself more chocolate. Next time hide it before she comes. :)

Original poster
SheNumpty · 08/03/2018 17:52

@StealthPolarBear I'm paying her just in chocolate apparently. Confused

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 08/03/2018 17:53

She's probably seen the box sitting there for almost a month and presumed you didn't want them.

CadyHeron · 08/03/2018 17:54

You have been persistently pushing her to helpful herself to anything she wants (your words), so she does and you're pissed off? YABU!!!

This! Make your bloody mind up! "Help yourself to anything! No,please do! Stop bringing your own stuff, help yourself to anything!"
"Oh, anything didn't mean THAT. Hmm

JennyOnAPlate · 08/03/2018 17:57

It's not on to help yourself to chocolates that were clearly a gift to someone else.

I think dh needs to buy more chocolates and you need to hide them!

Aridane · 08/03/2018 17:57

You are being massively unreasonable- maybe she should go back to bringing her slices of bread over with her. I guess she was at fault for taking you literally

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 08/03/2018 18:01

First you said you came home to find she'd eaten them. Then you suggested it may actually have been your own dd Confused
So you don't even know where they went??

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/03/2018 18:05

You sound so lovely OP! Smile

londonrach · 08/03/2018 18:13

Yabu. You told her to help herself. My mil was worried when i returned from work to say she was hungry so she had eaten a hot cross bun. Its food, she was hungry thats what food is for!

StealthPolarBear · 08/03/2018 18:17

You're lovely op

Original poster
SheNumpty · 08/03/2018 18:18

@GreatDuckCookery with so many telling me the exact opposite, I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic there. Thank you if not. Lol

@Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar literally this second just had DH confirm he'd moved them to somewhere DD couldn't have reached, so now I DO know for sure. I was suggesting DD could have done it to try to explain the very out of character behaviour that's all. It would have been unfair to not mention it if there had been a chance of that, but it's a moot point since it's been ruled out.

Can't believe the level of aggression shown by people on here over what should really have been a relatively lighthearted post. AIBU is hilarious sometimes, I do love it.

OP posts:
Original poster
SheNumpty · 08/03/2018 18:25

@StealthPolarBear Thank you too - I'm assuming you're not being sarcastic from your posts on here. Haha. Sorry, I've been told I'm all sorts and now I can't tell!!!

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/03/2018 18:26

No I wasn't being sarcastic! Whilst I don't think MIL was really out of order for eating them ( although the opening of them is a little bit naughty ) I thought it was lovely of you to think about getting her some stuff in for when she's at yours tomorrow.

StealthPolarBear · 08/03/2018 18:26

I meant your posts about leaving her treats. When you're presumably going through quite a lot yourself

StealthPolarBear · 08/03/2018 18:28

We aren't the same person... I don't think

EastMidsMummy · 08/03/2018 18:28

I tell her to help herself to anything she wants, snacks, drinks etc

"She ate some chocolates! Waaaah!"

Unreasonable.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 08/03/2018 18:28

YANBU that she might have asked. I think stocking up the cupboards with things she likes is lovely. MIL brings salads to our house because she doesn't like to eat our food (because she thinks she's being a burden or getting in the way). It's frustrating because no matter how many times I tell her to eat what she likes, she won't.

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 08/03/2018 18:28

No I wouldn't open a gift bagged box of chocolates that weren't mine and think that's really bad manners.

Original poster
SheNumpty · 08/03/2018 18:30

@StealthPolarBear Yes, I've got a lot going on at the moment but it affects us all so you have to look after each other in times like this.

@GreatDuckCookery I know she'll appreciate it, I don't know why I didn't do it before. Smile

OP posts:
LinesInTheSand · 08/03/2018 18:33

OP, all very best with the chemo Flowers

Chunkymonkey123 · 08/03/2018 18:36

Absolutely not being sarcastic. I think you sound like a lovely DIL and I hope you get good news next week. 💐

YANBU about the chocolates. That is so weird! Help yourself means to normal stuff and not to what is clearly a gift!

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