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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not need so much grief? (car bump related)

223 replies

Kione · 08/03/2018 10:19

I haven't written in ages but I need some venting/discussion/support/insight from the good ol' mumsnetters.

Yesterday I bumped a car whilst reversing in the school run. A tiny thing that marked a lot for the (non)speed I was doing. I left a note, my name number. The lady called me really angry last night, I said I was keen on sorting everything quickly, I'll pay whatever, I apologised, the rest. She said she'd be in touch.

This morning she is perched at the door for 20 minutes checking cars going past. I park take kids to school and meet her at my car, she is taking pictures, demanding my insurance details there and then and telling me I am not good at driving, all in anger. I say I have a Doctors appointment (true) and can't go in there and then, and then I work in the community so can't left my service users down so I'll be in touch. She left in a huff and I am in tears at the way she spoke to me.
I have done all the right things I can think of after an error that happens to most people all the time, I will call her today to arrange a meet but I want my husband with me.
Seriously, do I deserve so much grief towards me? At the end of the day, I am going to pay!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 17:03

And sgain, I refused to go in her house not to give her details! You are not really listening are you?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 17:03

Did you have any idea where the owner lived?

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 17:06

No! I would’ve gone to her obviously. You are determined to think that am evil...

OP posts:
OldHag1 · 08/03/2018 17:06

Why are people so quick to get nasty on here? OP only asked for advice.

You have done everything I would have done including getting someone else to be with you when you speak to her or getting your husband to deal with it on your behalf.

You acted honestly she’s acting like an old hag (pun intended).

It’s a shame you have to go through insurances but probably best in these circumstances. Let them deal with it and forget about it.

blastomama · 08/03/2018 17:08

Are you lot making things up just for the drama? Seriously I keep explaining the same things

No. She clearly felt like she had to come for some reason, didn't she?
You hit her car and did not give her your insurance details, either at the time, or on the phone, or when she asked you face to face, citing your job and your appointment.

If you had done what you should have done straight off none of this would have happened.

Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 17:08

I have said nothing about being evil, don’t be so ridiculous. I’m asking that to establish if it was obvious where she lived possibly due to where it was parked.

It’s worked out for you but you didn’t leave the required details at the time and a note on her car wasn’t sufficient. Hopefully you will never be in this circumstance again but at least you will have more of an idea what to do.

Nesssie · 08/03/2018 17:17

I wrote off my small Hyundai by going into something at 3mph... So 'soft doors' is probably justified....

Misses the point of the thread

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 17:20

blastomama I GAVE HER MY DETAILS AS SOON AS SHE CALLED ME. Seriously!

OP posts:
blastomama · 08/03/2018 17:23

IF YOU GAVE HER YOUR INSURANCE DETAILS WHEN SHE CALLED YOU, WHY WAS SHE DEMANDING THEM THE NEXT DAY?

Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 17:23

Without shouting at me: when did you give your registration number?

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 17:24

OldHag1 because it wouldn’t be Mumsnet otherwise.

OP posts:
StaplesCorner · 08/03/2018 17:24

Kione sorry didn't mean to be obtuse - "cancel the cheque" is from a mumsnet classic wherein someone had sent a cheque, something had gone wrong, the OP cancelled the cheque and then was told over several days to cancel the cheque, or asked if she had cancelled it, the thread running nearly to the 1000 post mark. You might see it on other threads, generally used where people have been told the facts TIME AND TIME AGAIN and then still come back to say the same thing.

But to be honest, surely now you see why that woman was such a nightmare, she clearly had the same mindset as all the posters on here saying you should have left your details.

Maybe you could have had the details engraved on a limb, severed it and presented her with it, gift wrapped. Still not sure that would have been enough though.

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 17:24

I give up

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 17:25

Or she could have followed the correct legal responsibilities she she is a vehicle driver involved in an collision where she is at fault?

Radical, I know......

Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 17:26

Op, I can see why she got so annoyed with you if this is what you were like with her.

StaplesCorner · 08/03/2018 17:27

And I can see why the woman in question was freaking out if she was like you Nickynacky! Talk about being deliberately obtuse!

Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 17:28

Who is being obtuse? She didn’t leave sufficient details for the woman to contact her own insurance company, she shouldn’t have had to chase the op at all.

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 17:30

She wanted the policy number which she dies not need.
Also she was “making a plan” and wanted to discuss “versions” which also is bot needed.
I have also said this in previous posts.
I wasn’t shouting I was writing in capitas to see if it was clearer.

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 17:32

No you didn’t need to meet her, that is correct. But the note you left gave no reg number (which you are required to give) or insurance details and you only provided insurance details when pushed by mumsnet.

Hence why I asked about WHEN you gave the reg number before you bit my head off.

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 17:33

Its totally not what I was like with her, because I just fucked her car and I feel awful for her, I was polite and apologetic but we got mixed up with exactly what details she needed/wanted. I am like this on an online forum where people are just argumentative.

OP posts:
mummyhaschangedhername · 08/03/2018 17:34

I'm so sorry you're being attacked OP. From how I read it it sounds like you did everything right and she is a very unpleasant person. Ideally you probably should have called your insurance straight away and just gave your insurers name and your registration and just said to her that the insurers will handle it now.

StaplesCorner · 08/03/2018 17:35

On reflection OP do you think you would have been better off having an argument with the shouty woman than trying to reason with people on here?!

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 17:36

When pushed???? I came here exactly to find that out because I was confused! I gave her all the details she needed the moment she called me. She thought she needed the Policy Number which is what I fiund out and gave it to her because it helps, even tho she didn’t need it.

OP posts:
BakedBeans47 · 08/03/2018 17:38

Jeez some of these posts are ridiculous. I’ve had 3 minor bumps. 2 not my fault and one which I admitted liability for. Reversed out my drive and left a tiny scratch a couple of mm on the other car’s bumper.

In all cases we just swapped details and let the insurers deal with it. I never screamed like a banshee at anyone and no one yelled at me. Everyone makes mistakes.

Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 17:38

Why, because people with a bit of knows are trying to tell her that she was incorrect in what info she left and what to do for future?

Think some posters would do well to make themselves aware of their obligations under The Road Traffic Act 1970.