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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not need so much grief? (car bump related)

223 replies

Kione · 08/03/2018 10:19

I haven't written in ages but I need some venting/discussion/support/insight from the good ol' mumsnetters.

Yesterday I bumped a car whilst reversing in the school run. A tiny thing that marked a lot for the (non)speed I was doing. I left a note, my name number. The lady called me really angry last night, I said I was keen on sorting everything quickly, I'll pay whatever, I apologised, the rest. She said she'd be in touch.

This morning she is perched at the door for 20 minutes checking cars going past. I park take kids to school and meet her at my car, she is taking pictures, demanding my insurance details there and then and telling me I am not good at driving, all in anger. I say I have a Doctors appointment (true) and can't go in there and then, and then I work in the community so can't left my service users down so I'll be in touch. She left in a huff and I am in tears at the way she spoke to me.
I have done all the right things I can think of after an error that happens to most people all the time, I will call her today to arrange a meet but I want my husband with me.
Seriously, do I deserve so much grief towards me? At the end of the day, I am going to pay!

OP posts:
Celebelly · 08/03/2018 13:45

@Nicknacky But there's being annoyed and being totally over-dramatic, unpleasant, and aggressive.I think most of us are capable of being annoyed without turning up to people's houses and shouting at them on the doorstep? She'd get short shrift if she came to my door and started shouting at me or was hanging about outside my house taking pictures when I'd already given her my information. That's just bizarre, and she sounds like a downright unpleasant individual.

Celebelly · 08/03/2018 13:46

Although I do feel a bit sorry for her. She's probably one of these people who goes through life angry and spiteful about everything. It must be exhausting.

Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 13:50

She hasn’t turned up at the op’s house? Or taken pictures at the house. She was at the school.

Celebelly · 08/03/2018 13:52

Apologies, I misread and thought she turned up at OP's door but I see now it's her door (I think). She was taking pictures though:

'This morning she is perched at the door for 20 minutes checking cars going past. I park take kids to school and meet her at my car, she is taking pictures, demanding my insurance details there and then and telling me I am not good at driving,'

Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 13:54

She’s taking picture of the involved vehicles. That’s recommended and good practice.

Celebelly · 08/03/2018 13:59

I'm not sure taking pictures of the OP's car the day after the incident does much good! The whole point of photographs is to document the damage to the cars done at the time and the position of the vehicles involved so the insurance company can apportion blame.

Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 14:01

The driver didn’t have the opportunity to take photos them, there is no real issue with taking them the day after and if the insurance company don’t require them then there is no harm done.

Celebelly · 08/03/2018 14:09

Either way, the whole point is that her behaviour is not that of a reasonable person. I'm not sure how anyone can argue that the correct response to a dent in your door is to be aggressive towards someone who is attempting to do the right thing and has given you their details immediately. If something like that makes you so angry, then you need to have a word with yourself.

I used to rely on my car for work (I worked till 1-2 a.m) and someone went into the back of my car at traffic lights. I had to do without my car for a week, which was extremely irritating as I had to rely on colleagues' good nature or my DP to get out of his bed to come and collect me, but I managed not to be aggressive or shout at the person involved or make weirdly sinister comments on the phone like "I am not shy to say that I am going for it" (?!?!?). I just got their details (not their policy number!), passed them on to the insurance company, and carried on with my life.

Anyway I'm off back to work. Fingers crossed you get it sorted, OP!

SoupDragon · 08/03/2018 14:11

Well, it’s not, is it? She just had an accident!

One. Compared to thousands of accident free journeys.

SoupDragon · 08/03/2018 14:13

OP hasn't said it was across the road, so it must have been parked on her side on the pavement.

She also didn’t say it was on her side so, by your logic, it must have been on the other side. 🙄

GnotherGnu · 08/03/2018 14:24

There's no need to take pictures of the perpetrator's car when said person is fully admitting responsibility; and taking them a day later weakens the case anyway. Her behaviour might be appropriate if OP had done a hit and run and been tracked down later, but not for a situation where OP has volunteered all her details.

As for the suggestion that you shouldn't be driving if you've had a minor bump like this - that would literally decimate the car industry. Guess what, people are fallible. Get over it.

Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 14:27

It doesn’t weaken the case at all. The innocent party didn’t have an opportunity to take them and there is no harm at all in having the photos. I would do exactly the same.

She has no way of knowing that the op will continue to admit liability. It’s a sensible thing to do.

We don’t know if she gave all her details. Phone number and name are not sufficient and she has not answered if she left her registration number which she is required to do.

EndisinSight · 08/03/2018 14:33

I reversed into a car last year. Luckily I had no claims protection on my policy and just gave the lady my insurance details. When it came to renewing this year my premium remained the same as what it was last year, I basically just missed out on an extra year of no claims discount.

Most people assume that having a claim will send your premiums sky high but that isn't always the case. It's much safer than possibly being ripped off by a chancer

Allthebestnamesareused · 08/03/2018 14:42

OP had you parked on her drive a d she blocked you in? You said you were on school run so it wasn't your drive you were reversing off.

I suspect this may be a story where not only did the OP reverse off a drive without checking the road was clear, refuses to give the name of her insurance company but also it will turn out she was C.F. parking to start with!

specialsubject · 08/03/2018 14:52

crappy modern cars disintegrate at a touch and cost a fortune to repair. By design.

go through insurance. If she contacts you, tell her once to contact her insurers and then block her.

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 15:11

"And to blame soft doors is just pathetic. Imagine it had been the soft metal of a bike? Or the soft bones and flesh of a cyclist?"

My goodness i did not blame the door for the accident!!! are you nuts? I was surprised at the time at the damage because I was going slow, that is what I was trying to say, FFS.

I did not leave my car registration on the note but gave her to her when she called. I also gave her my address.

But I am leaving this thread, it was very helpful at the start, issue is now in hands of the insurers and this thread is gone nuts now.

I was parked at my friends drive, that by the way I texted and said if the owner of the car pops round asking for info, feel free to give her my name and number, in case the note goes missing.

Thanks for all that have helped, and no, not driving that way again.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 15:14

Allthebestnamesareused of FFS my friend spotted me and told me to park in her drive! the same one that gave me the advice without me asking!

OP posts:
Storminateapot · 08/03/2018 15:15

Someone reversed into me a few years ago. She admitted fault and we went through insurance (it would have cost her a lot otherwise as I was entitled to a hire car under my policy), My car took about a week to repair.

I declare it as a no fault accident every year and it didnt/doesn't cause my premium to go up. I didn't even have to pay the excess.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 08/03/2018 15:16

If you can’t drive without causing accidents and can’t organize your own insurance, you shouldn't be on the road.

Unfortunately people do have accidents and not everyone organises their own insurance....DH hasn’t organised his own insurance for nearly 30 years! It IS in his name but I organise it. I get the quotes each year and then insure with the one I consider best.

However, anyone driving SHOULD know what to do in the case of an accident. This is from the RAC...
“As a driver, you are obliged to give your name and address to anyone else involved in the accident. You must also provide details of the vehicle’s owner (if different), along with the car’s registration number.
If nobody has been injured as a result of the accident, there’s no legal requirement to provide details of your car insurance, but it might speed up the claims process if you exchange insurance company details and policy numbers. It's also worth getting their details, because it's possible that at the time of the accident you aren't aware of what injuries you may have suffered.”

When someone hit our car I only had the drivers name and the car reg as the driver wasn’t sure of her insurance company and didn’t want to give her address. I gave the name and reg to our insurance company and just from that info they had access to her address and the name of her company and it all got sorted out.

reddington · 08/03/2018 15:41

Someone hit me, i had to pay my excess in the first instance, then had it repaid a month later after they claimed it back off his insurance. It happens!

In future go straight through the other party’s insurance company and just inform your insurer that this is what you’re doing. They will organise the repair/hire car for you and you won’t need to fork out your excess in the beginning. They will bend over backwards to help you as this will stop crazy hire car charges etc.

Eliza9917 · 08/03/2018 16:08

We've got a fiesta and a jazz and you'd have to knock the jazz pretty hard with the fiesta to put a dent in it.

Witchend · 08/03/2018 16:38

Go through insurance. That tiny little dent in our car caused by less than 5mph was £500+vat. And that was the cheapest quote after shopping around.

WhoWants2Know · 08/03/2018 16:52

That sucks, OP. It's a shame you didn't back into someone like me who couldn't give a monkey's. The last time someone hit me, I said "Oops! Never mind."

blastomama · 08/03/2018 16:56

I am in tears at the way she spoke to me

looking at it from her point of view...you hit and damaged her car, left the scene, didn't give her insurance details until she tracked you down and waited for you, and refused even then because you said you were busy.

I can see why she'd be in a huff, to be honest.

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 17:01

blastomama tracked me down??
I left the details I thoughtbI needed to leave so then I could give her more on the phone. Tracking me this morning was totally unnecessary because we had already spoken last night.
Are you lot making things up just for the drama? Seriously I keep explaining the same things.

I thought it was a Jazz (friends husband thought so and call it “shit car, so it’ll be cheap to fix. I repeat I did not say this) it is a Hyundai, one of those little ones.

And I felt awful fir the woman!

OP posts: