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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not need so much grief? (car bump related)

223 replies

Kione · 08/03/2018 10:19

I haven't written in ages but I need some venting/discussion/support/insight from the good ol' mumsnetters.

Yesterday I bumped a car whilst reversing in the school run. A tiny thing that marked a lot for the (non)speed I was doing. I left a note, my name number. The lady called me really angry last night, I said I was keen on sorting everything quickly, I'll pay whatever, I apologised, the rest. She said she'd be in touch.

This morning she is perched at the door for 20 minutes checking cars going past. I park take kids to school and meet her at my car, she is taking pictures, demanding my insurance details there and then and telling me I am not good at driving, all in anger. I say I have a Doctors appointment (true) and can't go in there and then, and then I work in the community so can't left my service users down so I'll be in touch. She left in a huff and I am in tears at the way she spoke to me.
I have done all the right things I can think of after an error that happens to most people all the time, I will call her today to arrange a meet but I want my husband with me.
Seriously, do I deserve so much grief towards me? At the end of the day, I am going to pay!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 10:47

Oh one thing, when she said she needed "my insurance details" I thought she meant the policy number or something like that and that it's why I didn't give them to her there and then! If it was just personal details I could have done that on our first phone conversation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 10:49

DragonsAndCakes yes, my car is starting to show his age unfortunatelly. This is after having the turbo changed. So I think I should be more upset than her, but I can see the bigger picture ie. its just a car and they are both still working!

OP posts:
Cheby · 08/03/2018 10:49

You hit her door leaving a big dent; I think it’s not unreasonable that she said you werent good at driving. It’s not like she called you a cunt or anything, she commented on your driving ability after you did some poor driving.

I’d be cross too; a dent in a door is bloody expensive. It’ll be a lot more than £200. I suspect you are downplaying your speed somewhat. You have also refused so far to hand over insurance details. Damn right I’d be taking pictures for evidence, and if your details were not forthcoming today I’d be calling the police to report it. She is likely concerned about your reasons for not handing the info over immediately.

Also; she is likely aware that her insurance premiums will increase now, through no fault of her own, due to your shitty driving. She will also be inconvenienced while her car is taken away to be repaired.

You have caused her a lot of grief so far. She is rightly pissed off.

HoppingPavlova · 08/03/2018 10:49

Don’t meet her. Just give the necessary id and insurance details, that’s all that is required.

Iwantmydrivewayformyself · 08/03/2018 10:50

Please tell your insurer.

This lady could get money off you, then go through her insurer irregardless. They will then contact your insurer, who I’m assuming you haven’t told about the accident. This in turn could invalidate your insurance or cause the insurer to cancel it as you haven’t disclosed the accident.

Legally you are obliged to notify the insurer.

Don’t sort it out privately, this gets very messy sometimes when this happens. Don’t admit fault, swap insurance details and don’t meet with her again. Just ring her.

This meeting up with her and her getting angry is totally unneccesary. It’s getting too personal, take a step back and deal with it through proper channels.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 08/03/2018 10:51

Practice your resting bitch face for the school runs. Cf woman tried to chat to me at a dc party a while after. Clearly hadn't put a face to my car. It was actually her dh car I bumped but he went back to offshore job and she was 'dealing with it'. Didn't once engage and looked the other way the whole party!! Any grief and you inform the school - adults can bully also and to have the right not to feel intimidated at the school gate.

Olga81 · 08/03/2018 10:52

Some people get all righteous and forget accidents happen, that's who we have insurance.

People get upset because you get screwed on insurance even for non fault accidents. We've even got someone up thread stating this like it's a good thing! Also you can take comfort in knowing it will also hit her insurance premium too.

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 10:54

Cheby I didn't refuse to give her my insurance details, anything she asked I gave her even my address! and she said she'd come to see me! I thought "insurance details" meant a policy number or something like that. I do feel bad that her policy will go up, that really isn't fair on her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 10:55

Aprilmightmemynewname haha, resting bitch face. She is not a school mum, she just lives near the drop off area. I am guessing she is retired.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 10:56

I didn't know her insurance will go up too... so I am genuinely upset that I caused this. I am calling her now.

OP posts:
upsideup · 08/03/2018 10:57

Saying you wont give her your insurance details because you have a doctors appointment does sound like a lie so you can try ang get out of paying anything.
I would be annoyed too.

Iwantmydrivewayformyself · 08/03/2018 10:59

Re. what other people said about those driving off, my friend clipped a wing mirror, drove off and now has five points on her license as CCTV caught her and she got done for failing to stop and leaving the scene of an accident.

So I’m glad you gave your details to her.

I don’t think your being unreasonable, just likely upset and flustered.

On another note, it may also be worthwhile sorting this out yourself and not your husband, my husband used to do everything like this and last time a car hit me I was basically clueless. It’s good to be able to know what to do in these situations, including your own insurance details and ringing them yourself, etc...

I’d ignore the woman in future, yes I understand she’s upset but she doesn’t have to be a complete dick over it.

Iwantmydrivewayformyself · 08/03/2018 10:59

You’re

Finderscrispy · 08/03/2018 10:59

Maybe she’s just upset you hit her car. I’m generally calm person - to point where people comment on it, but this otherwise haven of calmness does get angry when people endanger my life when I’m driving.
She might be an absolute arse, but From my own experience It’s surprising how much a minor prang can upset you.
However, the damage you describe sounds like it might be quite expensive, so you might not be worth the hassle of trying to keep it outside of insurance. Pass on details and let them deal with it.

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 11:06

upsideup no, I said I couldn't go into her house! I gave her all my personal details on the phone the night before.

I just called her and she said I am refusing to give her my isurance details!! as far as I can see all she needs is my number, name, etc. i am really getting into a estate now for nothing...

OP posts:
trevortrevorslattery · 08/03/2018 11:07

I had this ages ago. I scraped someone's car. Not a huge job and I actually was going to offer to pay for it as it was going to be less than the excess. But he was so abusive and unpleasant to me that I told him he'd have to go through his insurers as I wasn't prepared to deal with him myself. He said "but the excess will be more than the damage" and I said "yes, it's a shame you've been so rude, isn't it?" grin

I don't understand this - he won't have claimed on his insurance if you were at fault so he won't have paid his excess. He's no worse off (apart from his premiums maybe going up as a PP said) - it's your excess that would be payable not his.

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 11:08

I am calling the insurance company to ask what on earth do I need to give her.

OP posts:
IWouldLikeToKnow · 08/03/2018 11:08

I would have thought she needs your insurance details- ie your insurer and policy details. Your name and address, etc aren't enough. If I was her I would also think you are refusing to give your details

trevortrevorslattery · 08/03/2018 11:08

Sorry just realised you probably meant it made more hassle for him when you could have just sorted it out more easily without involving insurance.

LagunaBubbles · 08/03/2018 11:08

Also you can take comfort in knowing it will also hit her insurance premium too

Thats an awful thing to say. Accidents happen, we can all have lapses. But this woman has been left with a big dent in her car through no fault of her own and someone thinks its a good thing her premiums will go up!

trevortrevorslattery · 08/03/2018 11:10

She just needs the name of your insurer, your name and address and your car reg and make. And details of what happens (which she knows!)

I've just claimed for a similar thing (someone hit me) and that's all I needed. You don't need to come up with your policy number for her, that's for sure.

LagunaBubbles · 08/03/2018 11:10

had this ages ago. I scraped someone's car. Not a huge job and I actually was going to offer to pay for it as it was going to be less than the excess. But he was so abusive and unpleasant to me that I told him he'd have to go through his insurers as I wasn't prepared to deal with him myself. He said "but the excess will be more than the damage" and I said "yes, it's a shame you've been so rude, isn't it?" grin

But he wouldnt lose his ncb, his insurance company would claim off yours...not sure what the "its a shame youve been so rude comment" was for then as you were the only one losing out.

trevortrevorslattery · 08/03/2018 11:11

*happened

Laiste · 08/03/2018 11:12

I agree with pp it will be a lot more than 200 quid for a dented door!

IF the dent can be bashed out smoothly and IF there's no more than a scratch on the paint work then it will still be a day's work in a body shop.

Chances are the whole panel will need replacing or a respray. £200? Nope.

My DD3's old black fiat punto had it's door bashed with paint scraped off and it was going to cost over £1000 to fix it. We actually had to right the car off as it wasn't worth the cost of the work.

Travis1 · 08/03/2018 11:13

You don't have to give her anything other than your name, contact details and registration number. She then phones her insurance company, tells them someone has hit my car, they have admitted liability here is their details and car registration and they take it from there. I only had the first name, mobile number and car reg of someone who hit me and still claimed from his insurance successfully.