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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not need so much grief? (car bump related)

223 replies

Kione · 08/03/2018 10:19

I haven't written in ages but I need some venting/discussion/support/insight from the good ol' mumsnetters.

Yesterday I bumped a car whilst reversing in the school run. A tiny thing that marked a lot for the (non)speed I was doing. I left a note, my name number. The lady called me really angry last night, I said I was keen on sorting everything quickly, I'll pay whatever, I apologised, the rest. She said she'd be in touch.

This morning she is perched at the door for 20 minutes checking cars going past. I park take kids to school and meet her at my car, she is taking pictures, demanding my insurance details there and then and telling me I am not good at driving, all in anger. I say I have a Doctors appointment (true) and can't go in there and then, and then I work in the community so can't left my service users down so I'll be in touch. She left in a huff and I am in tears at the way she spoke to me.
I have done all the right things I can think of after an error that happens to most people all the time, I will call her today to arrange a meet but I want my husband with me.
Seriously, do I deserve so much grief towards me? At the end of the day, I am going to pay!

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 12:38

In the note, did you leave your registration number?

twinone · 08/03/2018 12:43

Oh I can't be doing with arsey people, if you are confident you've given her all the info she needs and you have her insurance details, block her number and let the insurance deal with the stroppy bitch.

Dontoutmenow · 08/03/2018 12:44

Your husband has nothing to do with this. You caused the accident, you’re responsible for your insurance, not him!

No wonder the woman is annoyed with you. You seem to have no grip on reality. If you can’t drive without causing accidents and can’t organize your own insurance, you shouldn't be on the road. Ignorance is no defence! Like it or not, you gave her the impression you were not going to do things by the book. You’re claiming naivety, she’s seeing someone who’s about to do a runner.

Of course, as above, all of this wouldn’t have happened if you’d a) known how to drive and b) known the proper procedure to follow if you do hit someone.

Bluelady · 08/03/2018 12:45

Never had an accident, Don't?

Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 12:48

blue I have said the exact same as dont. I’ve had three bumps. One non fault and two my fault.

twinone · 08/03/2018 12:52

Those going on about her dh and insurance, just because you sort your own, doesn't mean the way they do it is wrong.
I sort out all insurance, mine, his, house, dog, horse and business. I have the time and organisational skills to get the best deal. He has neither the time or inclination and I am happy to do it.

What is so wrong with that?
If he rang me now, I can tell him who all the insurances are with. Really can't see why there is such angst about it Hmm

Qvar · 08/03/2018 12:52

i reversed into someone in a car park 3 weeks after I passed my test. he started out quite reasonable but then just got louder and more aggressive. SO I told him that he clearly wishes to escalate, and as such I should call the police to the scene.

Never seen anyone back down so quickly

SoupDragon · 08/03/2018 12:52

You realise this only happened yesterday...? It’s not like the OP has left it ages.

MegEmski · 08/03/2018 12:53

Blimey OP you are getting an (unfair) pasting

you do NOT need to give your policy number although it is useful, as you have found out....so you did give all your details correctly in the first phone call!

Dontoutmenow · 08/03/2018 12:54

Blue - not as yet in 20 years of driving. I can honestly say I’ve never hit another car and my insurance premiums are high because of others hitting me/DH. That’s pretty galling. All that said, I do know the correct procedures to follow. Maybe I’m old school, or just careful, who knows?

Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 12:55

IF she left her registration number which she hasn’t confirmed.

Myheartbelongsto · 08/03/2018 12:55

I bumped a woman and she got 9k.

She suffered whiplash of course.

Eliza9917 · 08/03/2018 12:56

Kione Thu 08-Mar-18 10:34:23

Yes, it is quite bad, but seriously the car must be so soft (a Honda Jazz)! I had two kids in my car and reversing from a drive so not fast at all! my sensors failed (not blaming them but for context) it is a large bump in her door, I have paint in my car.

Well they did just that to my mother in law, just drove away. And I told this lady I am doing everything I would like someone else to do for me.

How did you hit it then if you hit the door? It must have been right behind you. Do you not look behind you and rely solely on sensors?

lazyleo · 08/03/2018 12:56

Sometimes its just easier to go through your insurance. That's what its there for.

A similar thing happened to me a number of years ago, although it was a bigger crash. I'd been driving about two weeks over a year and hadn't got round to removing the blasted P plate my mum had insisted I use that first year. Anyway, had an accident and the chap at first was nice and we agreed to fix the cars without involving insurance so exchanged details and phone numbers. I think my car was more damaged than his, but he started getting more and aggressive with me over the phone etc and the value of the repairs kept going up and up and up. Eventually after a particularly threatening call I decided to go to the police and report the accident and his behaviours. He obviously felt I was some silly little girl that he could bully and threaten. I was 22 not 17/18 as he probably thought going by the P-Plates.

Well knock me down with a feather if it didn't transpire he was driving without insurance, and the car was his wife's and she willingly and knowingly let him take the car. In the end they both ended up with facing some form of police charge and that was the end of that. (His was drving without insurance, I can't remember what trouble she got in but I remember the police officer sitting in my mums living room telling me what was going to happen next) I lost my no claims and had damaged my back in ways that still trouble me more than 20 years later. But I felt so much better knowing he'd not got the better of me. If he hadn't been so greedy I'd have paid and just put it down to experience. There's no need to be unpleasant.

SoupDragon · 08/03/2018 12:57

^If you can’t drive without causing accidents and can’t organize your own insurance, you shouldn't be on the road.*

Talk about an over reaction! She had a small bump coming off her drive, she didn’t cause a 7 car pile up. As this would appear to be the first time she’s had to deal with this it’s a pretty safe bet that she is perfectly capable of driving “without causing accidents”.

SoupDragon · 08/03/2018 13:00

How did you hit it then if you hit the door? It must have been right behind you.

Many years ago, about a year after passing my test, I reveresed off our driveway, mis judged the corner of my car and hit the door of the car parked in the road opposite the driveway entrance.

PrimalLass · 08/03/2018 13:07

How did you hit it then if you hit the door? It must have been right behind you.

I hit a car reversing out of a parking space. It wasn't behind me when I started reversing - the driver reversed back down a one-way car park to get to a space as I was reversing out. I was raging that this was deemed my fault.

Redpony1 · 08/03/2018 13:13

I don't understand this - he won't have claimed on his insurance if you were at fault so he won't have paid his excess. He's no worse off (apart from his premiums maybe going up as a PP said) - it's your excess that would be payable not his.

Someone hit me, i had to pay my excess in the first instance, then had it repaid a month later after they claimed it back off his insurance. It happens!

Celebelly · 08/03/2018 13:15

She sounds like a loon, tbh. It's a car door, not the apocalypse. Yes, it's a bit annoying, but these things happen in life and it's why insurance exists. God forbid anything happens in her life which is actually serious...

Eliza9917 · 08/03/2018 13:18

SoupDragon Thu 08-Mar-18 13:00:07

How did you hit it then if you hit the door? It must have been right behind you.

Many years ago, about a year after passing my test, I reveresed off our driveway, mis judged the corner of my car and hit the door of the car parked in the road opposite the driveway entrance.

OP hasn't said it was across the road, so it must have been parked on her side on the pavement.

Although, didn't she say above she was reversing off a drive? Who's drive? She doesn't live on that street.

PrimalLass Thu 08-Mar-18 13:07:12

How did you hit it then if you hit the door? It must have been right behind you.

I hit a car reversing out of a parking space. It wasn't behind me when I started reversing - the driver reversed back down a one-way car park to get to a space as I was reversing out. I was raging that this was deemed my fault.

The car she hit was stationary, so how did she hit it?

We need a diagram.

Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 13:20

celebelly You are allowed to be annoyed at things in life even if there are worse things going on in the world.

If I stand on lego it doesn’t hurt less just because someone somewhere has a broken leg!

Eltonjohnssyrup · 08/03/2018 13:27

OP, I live near a school and you’re probably on the receiving end of quite a bit of frustration from her. It’s shit living near a school. Some parents are sooo inconsiderate. Constant bumps not reported, being parked in, terrible parking, blasting movement. And they’re all ‘only being five minutes’ but when you have 200 parents doing it every day and they all expect you to put up with ‘just a little bit of inconvenience’ every day it gets wearing.

So, yes, it’s probably not fair on you, but I kind of get where she’s coming from too.

Eltonjohnssyrup · 08/03/2018 13:28

Park further away and walk to the car to avoid this sort of thing.

Dontoutmenow · 08/03/2018 13:29

it’s a pretty safe bet that she is perfectly capable of driving “without causing accidents”.

Well, it’s not, is it? She just had an accident!
And to blame soft doors is just pathetic. Imagine it had been the soft metal of a bike? Or the soft bones and flesh of a cyclist?

Eltonjohnssyrup · 08/03/2018 13:32

And was it her drive? If parents are always using her drive to turn and there are frequent near misses you will be getting the full blast. I quite frequently have to run out of my house to stop parents hitting our car. From your point of view it’s just one of those things. But from her point of view it’s part of a cycle of careless parents.