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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not need so much grief? (car bump related)

223 replies

Kione · 08/03/2018 10:19

I haven't written in ages but I need some venting/discussion/support/insight from the good ol' mumsnetters.

Yesterday I bumped a car whilst reversing in the school run. A tiny thing that marked a lot for the (non)speed I was doing. I left a note, my name number. The lady called me really angry last night, I said I was keen on sorting everything quickly, I'll pay whatever, I apologised, the rest. She said she'd be in touch.

This morning she is perched at the door for 20 minutes checking cars going past. I park take kids to school and meet her at my car, she is taking pictures, demanding my insurance details there and then and telling me I am not good at driving, all in anger. I say I have a Doctors appointment (true) and can't go in there and then, and then I work in the community so can't left my service users down so I'll be in touch. She left in a huff and I am in tears at the way she spoke to me.
I have done all the right things I can think of after an error that happens to most people all the time, I will call her today to arrange a meet but I want my husband with me.
Seriously, do I deserve so much grief towards me? At the end of the day, I am going to pay!

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 08/03/2018 12:06

I wish I’d been far more arsey with the person who drove into me at the start of November. It was a complete pain in the arse and I’ve still not got my car back to the condition it was in before she drove into it. I’ve noticed 2 new problems only this morning. I was all nice and reasonable and “these things happen” because I assumed it would just all get fixed. I was wrong. Still, being arsey wouldn’t have stopped all that!!

Anyway, all I needed for the claim was the registration number of her car and her name. The insurance companies did all the rest.

user1andonly · 08/03/2018 12:08

She sounds pretty unpleasant. You left your contact details, all she needed to do was ring up, say she wanted to go through insurance, not private, and ask for your insurance details.

I don't understand why you didn't want her to have your policy number - what did you think would be the problem with her knowing that? And, as a pp said, don't minimise it or attempt to blame her in any way - you were at fault, that's it.

But still, she sounds to have been aggressive when there really was no need. She could have just reported to her insurance with your name and address as they could have found out your insurance details through that anyway.

It's a pita to be bumped into and I wouldn't be thrilled about it but it's not a hanging offense either! So, to answer your question, no, yanbu, you don't deserve this much grief about it!

Report to your insurers and let them sort it.

Headofthehive55 · 08/03/2018 12:08

You don't know what was going on him her life at the moment. It's a small thing but it might have been the last straw.

It doesn't affect your insurance much. If at all.

NoIdeaWhatToSay · 08/03/2018 12:11

I don't think you deserve to be treated so badly, it was an accident. From a practical point of view, give your insurance company a ring and see what they say and give her the name of your insurance company. They she can ring them and they'll go from there. It's not hard for her, she's just being a cow.

If you have a garage then ask her to go there for a quote, the insurance company might have a company who sources work for them so it might be that they decide who she has to go to. Or it might be that she has to get a few quotes before the insurance company will give the go ahead for the work to be done.

Definitely go through the insurance company, then a line can be drawn underneath it. If you do this between you she'll probably use you as a cash cow and she won't have the work done. I guess she's behaving this way because she lives near the school and is inconvenienced by the traffic every day. People who complain about these things don't seem to realise that it's part and parcel of living next to a school, it might not be ideal but she really should be flying off the handle at you when you've apologised.

I hope you get it sorted soon OP.

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 12:15

"You cocked up, admit it, say sorry and use your insurance to pay. The end."

Exactly what I have been trying to do. I just didn't understand what else she needed apart from what I told her in the first phone call, which was ALL my personal details.

OP posts:
Bluelady · 08/03/2018 12:19

It's a car. A thing. Nobody was hurt. Nobody died. Talk about sweating the small stuff. Really sorry for you, OP. It happens to us all. I've just got quotes for my next year's insurance after a small own fault argument with a car park barrier last year and it's gone DOWN.

user1497718723 · 08/03/2018 12:20

If you're going through your insurance company you need to report the incident ASAP. Hers will go up too - mine increased by £50 last year with no fault against me.

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 12:20

user1andonly I did not know she needed my policy number (I've said this a few times now), she said I need your details and then she said "insurance details" which I though were my personal details, she then said "o you are refusing bla bla" that is when I called HER insurers to ask what on earth did she need. It happens that she had all she needed but the policy number would help. So I got it and gave it to her.

OP posts:
VivaKondo · 08/03/2018 12:21

From experience, if this happens to you again (and I hope not), please take a photo on what has happened.
Photo of your car, hers, damages and photo of how the cars are compare to each other.

Photos were the first thing my insurer asked for (I didn’t, I was too in shock to think about anything like this!).
When a few years later, H was involved in a small crash (similar to yours), photos made the whole difference as the other owner used that opportunity to claim for things that had nothing to do with said small accident.

user1497718723 · 08/03/2018 12:21

Also she only needs your name, insurers and registration to contact your insurers

VivaKondo · 08/03/2018 12:22

Btw, each time that I or H was involved in an accident like this, neither of us had the insurrance number with us.
Name, number plate and address were the only things that were needed (and asked for tbh).
As the OP’s insurer said, it helps but it is something you can do without.

VivaKondo · 08/03/2018 12:22

Sorry forgot the insurer name!

StaplesCorner · 08/03/2018 12:25

You cocked up, admit it, say sorry and use your insurance to pay. The end.

OP has done all that. She's told us she's done all that, over and over. Why does that justify the woman who's car was knocked being so nasty? Its just a minor accident. Why would anyone defend some who's car had been dented freaking out and being aggressive?

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 12:26

user1497718723 on the first phone call I gave her that, plus my mobile and address. It was me that didn't ask her details (cos I was feeding kids and was hoping to meet in a civilised manner, her attitude put me off completely)

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 12:26

You need to take more responsibility, you are the driver. You are deflecting blame saying your sensors didn’t work, her metal work is soft etc.

And it’s for you to sort out not your husband. So she probably thought you were going to shaft her so read up on what you should do after an accident. It bugs me that people are so ignorant to their responsibilities and also to the hassle you have given that woman who has done nothing wrong.

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 12:27

StaplesCorner Thank you.

OP posts:
StaplesCorner · 08/03/2018 12:29

Kione strewth. Maybe cancel the cheque?

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 12:30

"And it’s for you to sort out not your husband" I had all the intention to sort this out, he did my insurance because he has several vehicles and did them all at once. I only needed him to come with me because this lady was being aggressive. My husband was at the house on the first phone call and I did not need him then.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 12:30

What cheque?

OP posts:
Dontoutmenow · 08/03/2018 12:30

Of course the victim is entitled to feel angry, you’ve no doubt cocked up her day through your carelessness. And you really should carry your insurance details with you for situations such as these. You said you needed to check with your DH. Really? In 2018? I’ve been victim to this twice, idiots who can’t drive causing all manner of damage, whiplash and hospital visits. And DH currently has a court case ongoing after someone crashed into the back of him and baby DS, wrote off the car, caused no end of hassle. That’s been nearly two years in the mix. So yes, I’d be mightily annoyed if someone else, who couldn’t drive properly, hit our current car.

Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 12:33

No, you said it was your husband has told you not to go through insurance and it’s him that deals with all the insurance side of it.

You do not need to meet the woman at all. You should have given your insurance details when she asked for it if it makes it easier for her rather than having to be told to by mumsnet.

Oh I had a non fault accident. I have a large excess by choice to bring the monthly payments down and I had to pay it and then be refunded so I was out of pocket for a few weeks.

Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 12:35

Well me needing to check with my husband is my own family dynamic, and it's nothing to do with anything else. I am rubbish at paperwork and he is rubbish at other things that I do. So what.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 12:35

My friend who is a female told me that too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kione · 08/03/2018 12:37

They offered advice without me asking!

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 08/03/2018 12:37

Who relevance is your female friend? The woman isnt dealing with your friend, she is dealing with you.