To not need so much grief? (car bump related)

[Kione]

I haven't written in ages but I need some venting/discussion/support/insight from the good ol' mumsnetters.

Yesterday I bumped a car whilst reversing in the school run. A tiny thing that marked a lot for the (non)speed I was doing. I left a note, my name number. The lady called me really angry last night, I said I was keen on sorting everything quickly, I'll pay whatever, I apologised, the rest. She said she'd be in touch.

This morning she is perched at the door for 20 minutes checking cars going past. I park take kids to school and meet her at my car, she is taking pictures, demanding my insurance details there and then and telling me I am not good at driving, all in anger. I say I have a Doctors appointment (true) and can't go in there and then, and then I work in the community so can't left my service users down so I'll be in touch. She left in a huff and I am in tears at the way she spoke to me.
I have done all the right things I can think of after an error that happens to most people all the time, I will call her today to arrange a meet but I want my husband with me.
Seriously, do I deserve so much grief towards me? At the end of the day, I am going to pay!

I've had several accidents that weren't my fault over the last few years. The cost of my insurance premium has never gone up as a result.

Also, if you have repairs to your car and it is agreed that it is someone else's fault, you don't pay the excess - the insurer of the at-fault driver does.

It's one of those things isn't it, and the reason why you have insurance. If the owner of the other car has your name and vehicle registration she doesn't actually need your insurance details to make a claim. If she calls her insurance company they can take it from there I think. At least, that is my experience.

She shouldn't have been aggressive towards you though. Not if it's clear it was just an accident and you have admitted to it. It's a total pain in the bum having to arrange vehicle repairs and the like, but it's just one of those things. Deep breath and move on!

Hope you can get it all sorted.

To be honest if there'd been a note, a phone call and a face to face meeting with someone who had dented my door and i'd still not got their insurance details then i'd be getting pissed off too.

Not everyone knows that an insurance company doesn't need a policy number to proceed. The woman is probably thinking you'e hoping to bung her 200 quid and forget about it all ......

I’d be THRILLED you’d left your contact details. I’d be happy for you to pay to have it fixed without involving the insurance companies. She’s a fool to keep pushing you to do it through the insurance as it’ll affect her too (as you now know). She won’t pay an excess, but her premium will go up, protected no claims or not,

Some arse backed into my car, in a car park, and drove off. Sadly the CCTV shows the car, but not the number plate so the police & insurance won’t get involved. I now have to decide whether to pay myself (£600) or claim on insurance (£150) but it will affect my premiums and be 1 of my 2 claims before I lose my no claims (protected no claims isn’t that great). I’ve been driving for a long time, never claimed, but I just feel like if I claim for this I’m screwed if anyone else hits me this year. I’ll probably just pay privately.

She may also need a hire car whilst the repairs are being done to enable her to work.

This is not going to be just £200. You were wrong to not just give her your insurance details straight away and you should have also informed the Police as you left the scene.

I can understand why she is stressing - she probably doesn't need the grief either. However, you have behaved properly by leaving a note with your contact details and if she was being aggressive I don't blame you for not wanting to go into her house and for wanting your DH to deal with it now.

My DH bumped into a car in a car park and left his details. We were really lucky as when the guy phoned us he began by saying he had restored his faith in human nature and was really civil and pleasant to deal with.

countrybump. Who are you insured with?

You might be able to get it done for £200. There’s one guy who will replace my panel & respray for £200. It’s just a nightmare to get to, he don’t have a courtesy car and they’re nowhere near a car hire place. It’s also very ‘rough & ready’ but apparently they do a good job. It’s annoying they need it for 2-3 days.

She told me her insurance company asked her to "make a plan" and she said we needed to meet to discuss our "versions", I said no to this.
I called her insurers and asked them what does she need, they said she did not need my policy number but it would help. So I got it, and I called her and gave it to her.
I hope this is the end of it.
And seriously, I feel awful, I did not refuse to give her anything, I just could not understand, and her aggressiveness and anger only made things worse. She actually said something along the lines of "I am not shy to say that I am going for it" when I said "sorry?" she didn't repeat it. I had to use all my deescalating skills (work!) to have a civilised exchange.
Now I need to go out on an urgent visit.
Thank you all for your support!!!

Years ago my DH was hit by a young girl not long passed her test, she drove straight into him. They exchanged details but she didn't have her insurers name. He said it was clear she was upset he would never start an argument over it - he had her car reg and address etc so that was that we thought.

No. The next night when we came home from work the entire family were sat in a car parked across our drive waiting for a fight. They said that he'd hit her car, eventually we managed to get rid of them and notified the police and the insurers of what they'd done. But according to some posters here, if they thought my DH had hit her car, they were entirely justified due to the inconvenience?!!

Why do people think they are entitled to become angry and abusive over a dent, and why do other people support them in this entitlement? I could understand it if it was a drunk driver, or some bastard was driving like an idiot and put lives in danger, even then surely its best to remain calm. FFS

The thing is, those saying you don't need to go through an insurance company -

• who's going to do the leg work to choose a repair shop for this work?
• Who's to say the quote is fair?
• Supposing she goes and gets a quote and tells you it's going to be £800 please? Not 200.
• Are you going to lend her your car while she has it fixed?

This is what insurance companies sort all day.

I say it for last time: I gave her all my personal details on the first phone call, the only think I didn't give her because I didn't know was my policy number. And the only thing I refused to was to go into her house this morning!

X post OP. Glad it's sorted. But my last post still stands. It's what insurance is for.

*thing

It sounds like she is being a overly aggressive but to be honest, it is a massive hassle having someone prang your car. Yes accidents do happen and no-one was hurt, but she now has to go to the inconvenience of getting quotes, getting her car dropped to the garage, sorting out how she's going to get herself around while it's being repaired - quite a big inconvenience especially if you need your car for work.

I had someone go up the back of me twice in the space of a year - neither my fault in the slightert. The first time I was in the middle of an (eventually unsuccessful) ivf cycle and the second when I was in the middle of moving house. Even with both parties admitting liability it was a HUGE hassle to sort out and caused me so much grief at a time when I really didn't need it. Not saying this is necessarily the case with her, but you never know what else people have going on in their lives that makes them act the way they do.

Also to all those saying don't go through insurance, I know people who've agreed to do it 'off the books' when they've had their car damaged, only for the at fault party to drag their heels on paying up, or demand 3 or 4 different quotes. Not always the best course of action...

Cheby. You seem uptight. In the grand scheme of things, it's not the end of the world and the OP apologised. What else would you expect her to do? Grovel?

I can see both sides. You did the right thing in leaving your details, but then just needed to give your insurer and policy number. If she had your regular number her insurers could trace you anyway.

But having spoken to her later and not bring given your details she may have been concerned that you were not insured.

I appreciate you had things on, but she would have been inconvenienced too, and it wasn't her fault.

However, it sounds as if she was not being very nice about it. In a similar situation if the person who hit me had been apologetic about it, I would be thankful they had owned up instead of driving off.

As others have said, your insurer needs to know anyway, whether they pay out or not. A non fault claim won't automatically increase her premium. Any increase will be a combination of a number of reasons.

Once the insurance company have been given the details leave it to them to sort out.

Hope it gets sorted soon and you feel a bit better.

You must tell your insurers not just leave it to hers to do so!

You should have given her your insurance details when she rang. I can see her pov as it looked like you were avoiding doing so. If shes already told her insurance company yours will want to know why you haven't informed them

She's probably going to need the door panel beating out (ours cost around £300 to get done) or even replacing so to be fair, I think you are probably best going through insurance but as you hit her, your policy will rocket I hate to say and you will have to declare it for the next 5 years on each renewal.

My DD had a bump in my car just after she'd passed her test and it was a bump - no damage to my car whatsoever but she really did choose the wrong arsehole to hit. He worked in a prison, made DD so upset she didn't drive for over a month after, and his claim on my insurance totally nearly £5k for his "personal injuries" and supposed damaged to the underside of his car. My insurance went from £790 to £2600 when it came to renewal.

Agree with Mind. Your carelessness has caused her a great deal of hassle and you’re totally downplaying it. Blaming your crap driving on her ‘soft’ doors is ridiculous... If you need sensors to park then you’re a liability. And the fact you hadn’t realized they’d failed doesn’t say much for your special awareness!

You cocked up, admit it, say sorry and use your insurance to pay. The end.

*spacial awareness

Another scenario we had in our house recently was DD1 bumping the back of a car at a junction. Very gentle affair - little dent each, both leapt out to see if everyone ok and lots of sorry it was me, no it was me sorry ect.

DD said i'll pay i'll pay so sorry here's my number (like OP here) and other woman said - here's my number too, it'll just be about 60 quid or something we'll chat later.

I said to DD be careful - don't start offering up cash willy nilly. I bet she'll change her mind anyway. It won't be 60 quid!

Sure enough when woman rang DD later it had turned into 'husband tells me it'll be £££! We'll go through our insurances i think'. And so they did.

Was still a friendly affair. But all told it took 3 months to sort out with courtesy cars for both parties and quotes ect.

special awareness

Best typo ever

OP, we've all done daft things and we really wish we could re-wind time so it didn't happen. You've done the right thing in letting the insurance company handle it, it's frustrating and a faff but it's just one of those things.

When DS was a baby someone drove into my parked car and then drove off, luckily some bystanders saw it happen, waited for me to return and gave me the registration details. All I needed was to hand those details over to them and also to the police as she had left the scene of the accident, and the insurance company sorted the rest for me. Yes, my policy probably went up the following year but it is what you pay insurance for - for if you need them.

Try to put it down to experience op. You have the right attitude, "worse things happen at sea" as my old Nan used to say.