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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School and baby AIBU

234 replies

schoolproblem12341 · 07/03/2018 20:56

Hello everyone! Need a bit of advice, not sure if IABU so want to check what other people think before I potentionally put a complaint in at school. Have name changed.

So DC is in reception, quite a sensitive child. They are putting a show on for the reception parents in under two weeks and have only informed us today that younger siblings can not attend. I have a newborn and have informed the school that especially at this short notice there is nothing I can do, DH can't get more time off of work after just being off with the baby when they were first born especially with only under two weeks notice. My DC will be absolutely devastated if I'm the only parent missing, everyone else's parents are coming and I literally don't know what to do. The office have said they will check with the music teacher as that is who it's upto and who decided no younger children can attend but I have a huge feeling it will be a no. I've said the baby can come in a sling so theres no bulky pram and I've told them its actually nap time so the baby will be asleep anyway and that if they wake i will take them out straight away. What are people's thoughts? Thanks

OP posts:
Ubercornsdiscoball · 07/03/2018 21:00

Their event, their choice. They probably say no to all otherwise they have numerous babies in slings of all ages disrupting the performance. Unlikely you would be the only parent unable to attend either. I see where you are coming from but I understand the school policy

Crispbutty · 07/03/2018 21:02

Have you got a friend who can wait outside the hall with the baby?

Fattymcfaterson · 07/03/2018 21:02

They say this at our school but people still insist on turning up with toddlers who inevitably chat and cry the whole way through.

Just take the baby in a sling, and if baby crys, stand outside 😊

Sirzy · 07/03/2018 21:03

I am sure you won’t be the only parent who can’t make it.

It’s not ideal but I can fully understand why such decisions are made.

Surfingwhippet · 07/03/2018 21:04

So much for community cohesion

Shalva1970 · 07/03/2018 21:04

We got 2 tickets each to avoid loads of siblings, obviously a few parents couldn’t make it due to work etc cue lots of tickets being swapped around. It worked, no one tried to get a ticket for little Johnny who could stay with granny. (I was in your situation)

ginteresting · 07/03/2018 21:07

Go, put the baby in a sling. If the baby cries quietly leave. Atleast you've shown your face for your child. Don't make a fuss or say anything about it beforehand just show up on the day. I doubt they'd turn you away to your actual face. Itl be a room of parents, hopefully they'd show some compassion. A newborn is different to a walking/talking/distracting toddler.

Original poster
schoolproblem12341 · 07/03/2018 21:10

I have asked around and everyone else does have a parent going, we've known about it for so long so people I suppose have made sure to organise themselves. Normally there isn't an issue with bringing smaller children so I didn't think for one second that I would have this problem and now I don't know what to do.
I asked the school office who said they would ask the music teacher and get back to me which they haven't yet and at pickup today I spoke to the normal class teacher who told me to email the music teacher directly which I have now done.
I feel really upset that I'm letting DC down, they will be so upset and if I had known I would have made sure DH was off to go

OP posts:
unfortunateevents · 07/03/2018 21:11

I very much doubt you will be the only parent missing, you will also not be the only person with a small baby or toddler who can't get childcare. I know it seems harsh but it can be overwhelming for small children to take part in a show and if they are having to deal with talking toddlers, babies etc it throws them right off. I still remember DS2 in Year 2 completely forgetting his carefully rehearsed line at assembly because the toddler brother of the child who had the line before him piped up to say loudly "that's my brother" when he delivered his line, cue giggling all around, and suddenly DS2 completely forgets what he is supposed to be doing.

PurpleDaisies · 07/03/2018 21:11

Theyve probably had too many shows ruined by crying babies and parents not taking them out.

MacaroniPenguin · 07/03/2018 21:12

Our infant school has always welcomed younger siblings in. They do have some littl'un-free performances but only of things like the nativity that they do a few times. There will always be at least one performance where babies are welcome.

Perhaps I've taken it for granted but to me it's just part of being a welcoming and inclusive school. Of course some children have baby siblings, especially in infants, and some families don't have childcare.

ThisLittleKitty · 07/03/2018 21:12

How weird, when my kids school do plays people manage to attend with their children witnout it causing any distraction to the other kids. But I guess if they bend the rule for you they will have to do it for everyone but yanbu.

DoJo · 07/03/2018 21:13

Is there a dress rehearsal that you could go along to and take the baby? That's what my son's school did for their nativity and it meant that the parents at least got to see the show and could offer appropriate praise.

Original poster
schoolproblem12341 · 07/03/2018 21:14

I agree that toddlers are a no I wouldn't even query it but this is a tiny newborn isn't that a bit different? I'm happy to be told I'm wrong btw I don't want to have a go at them if the general consensus is that I'm wrong

OP posts:
itsgettinghotinhere80 · 07/03/2018 21:16

Sorry op but they have to have one rule for everyone, don't just turn up it'll be embarrassing to be turned away (a parent turned up with a toddler to my DCs nativity and wasn't allowed in as it was clear no younger children were allowed). At our school they do a dress rehearsal that younger DC can attend, maybe you could ask about that?

Thehogfather · 07/03/2018 21:18

I sympathise, but they've no doubt put that rule in place because of siblings spoiling shows in the past.

You might only have a newborn, and be a considerate parent who will leave as soon as there is any noise. But if they make an exception for you, they'll have to do the same for everyone. Or they'll have plenty of disgruntled parents asking why they couldn't bring their dc along.

ThisLittleKitty · 07/03/2018 21:20

Tbh I would be pissed if I had to get a baby sitter for my kids (would be very difficult) to find someone else had been allowed to bring theirs, so I can see why the school don't want to bend the rules for one person.

Sarsparella · 07/03/2018 21:21

I can’t understand people saying just put the baby in a sling & go anyway, why should there be one rule for you and another for everyone else? I’d absolutely hate to be a teacher!

There will be plenty of other kids who’s parents can’t make it, I understand you’d like to be there but that’s just the way things are sometimes

ShawshanksRedemption · 07/03/2018 21:21

Problem is OP if they say newborn babies are OK when do they cut-off the age from when younger siblings can't attend? Even non-walking babies babble and scream/shout. There really needs to be one rule for all and the school may have decided that no younger siblings allowed because it puts off the kids doing the assembly.

SmashedMug · 07/03/2018 21:22

Just take the baby anyway. There will be other people who break the rule too who didn't even think to ask beforehand. They'll just ignore the rule. And they won't get turned away because teachers won't want to deal with the aggravation. It's the nice polite ones who listen to the rules who miss out with stuff like this. Just be sure to nip out if the baby cries and use a sling so the pram isnt an issue.

user1471530109 · 07/03/2018 21:23

It's a terrible rule. I've heard about it from other schools so it is a thing. And quite frankly I've never heard of a 4 or 5 year old being distracted by a toddler or baby. Yes they are distracted by the waving parents... And who cares anyway? It's not a bloody Shakespearean production!
Thankfully not a rule at any school my DC attend so I haven't had to deal with it .

Do you have anyone at all who would wait outside? A parent (of yours or dh?) or friend?

MacaroniPenguin · 07/03/2018 21:24

I bet it won't be the case that every single other child has a parent there. Other popular options are drafting in a GP to attend or nominating a classmate's parent to keep an eye out for your child and be "their" spectator too.

For future, sometimes there's a place for engaging less and not jumping through every hoop. It depends on how it's been put though.

ivenoideawhatimdoing · 07/03/2018 21:25

A babe in arms is very different to a toddler running about! Could you take the pram in the car and if they have a huge issue, if he’s asleep, leave him just outside the hall?

Lemons1571 · 07/03/2018 21:26

I got turned away from a preschool show with a 1 year old, so my 4 year old had to come home with me and didn’t do the show. They hadn’t even published the no younger siblings rule anywhere. The walk of shame back through the other parents arriving, was a horrible feeling ... we didn’t use the nursery for much longer (for other reasons too).

livinginashowhomenot · 07/03/2018 21:27

I’ve been to too many lower school shows spoiled by people taking along their younger dcs and then not taking them out when they've cried. If a class has rehearsed for a month and a kid cries right over your dc’s line, you’ll be annoyed. Too many parents can’t be trusted to remove their dc.

But ask the school whether you can come to a dress rehearsal or similar.

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