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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School and baby AIBU

234 replies

schoolproblem12341 · 07/03/2018 20:56

Hello everyone! Need a bit of advice, not sure if IABU so want to check what other people think before I potentionally put a complaint in at school. Have name changed.

So DC is in reception, quite a sensitive child. They are putting a show on for the reception parents in under two weeks and have only informed us today that younger siblings can not attend. I have a newborn and have informed the school that especially at this short notice there is nothing I can do, DH can't get more time off of work after just being off with the baby when they were first born especially with only under two weeks notice. My DC will be absolutely devastated if I'm the only parent missing, everyone else's parents are coming and I literally don't know what to do. The office have said they will check with the music teacher as that is who it's upto and who decided no younger children can attend but I have a huge feeling it will be a no. I've said the baby can come in a sling so theres no bulky pram and I've told them its actually nap time so the baby will be asleep anyway and that if they wake i will take them out straight away. What are people's thoughts? Thanks

OP posts:
Puffycat · 08/03/2018 00:34

Another point, if it’s a reception class, the sound of babies crying will probably be slightly more melodic than the actual show😳

Walkingdeadfangirl · 08/03/2018 00:38

Any noise, crying, you’re outside quicker than a nuns first curry, job done.
Unless of course there is dozens of you all standing at the back bawling at the same time as you all rush out of the hall. Would never distract a young child at all, would it?

Hippee · 08/03/2018 00:41

PuffyCat Grin

LittleKiwi · 08/03/2018 00:46

So glad I’m not bringing children up in the U.K. - what a miserable rule!

I’m not sure what to say, because I get that it would be stressful to ignore a rule and sad to miss the performance, but sending sympathy. Hope the school sees sense.

Cousinit · 08/03/2018 00:52

Same here Littlekiwi. I'm in NZ (are you, too?) and this would NEVER be an issue here!

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 08/03/2018 01:00

Is this a joke? It’s reception! It’s not the Old Vic ffs (who probably wouldn’t turn away a newborn baby). I’ve never heard anything so ridiculous.

You will be there to support your child and you will take your baby. I don’t think you should have even asked but I bet if you talk to the music teacher in person they’ll back right off. It’s utterly pathetic.

There is no reason this show would even exist if not for families to come together. Of course you will bring you new born baby! And of course you won’t disappoint your older child!

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 08/03/2018 01:10

OP, what you need to do is accidentallyonpurpose name the school and tip off the DM about this thread. When it’s publicly known how revolting they are they will be on the defensive and welcome one and all. Who would enrol their kids at a school that isn’t welcoming to families and supportive of their own students?

If they cared that much they would just open a seperate room full of toys for younger kids to play in (supervised) while their parents support the kids in the production.

Alternately your DP could call in sick just for the day, or come down with some food poisoning in the afternoon. Ridiculous you should have to though.

Cousinit · 08/03/2018 01:23

Yes, name and shame I say...Grin

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 08/03/2018 01:26

Oh don't be so bloody silly Hmm. Loads of schools have this rule.

Original poster
schoolproblem12341 · 08/03/2018 02:04

Thank you all so much. I've been agonising over this since I found out yesterday afternoon. I expect I'll get a call from the school in the morning with their answer and I wanted to be ready with my response if it's a no. I do think it's a great shame, all my DC cares about is having me there to show me and when I tell them I know what the response will be. To the person who asked about my child "having a hissy fit" at me not being there, no my child is incredibly nervous about getting up there and will not do it if I'm not there smiling back at them, fact. I know my child well enough to know that, I'm also very conscious of the fact they have just received a new sibling and me not coming because of the baby will leave them feeling hurt and insecure that now the baby is here I can't come to these things, they are not even 5 yet. I think I'm leaning towards not sending them in if it does come back as a no and going out for the day.

OP posts:
Original poster
schoolproblem12341 · 08/03/2018 02:34

Also I do take the point that there are many parents who feel their children's performances have been ruined by other younger siblings and I do sympathise but I'm not talking about a wriggly toddler I'm talking about a baby that won't even be in double figures yet and I do think considering they've been banging on about the performance for months they could have told us about the no siblings rule with more than 12dats notice

OP posts:
applesandpears56 · 08/03/2018 02:46

Say what you’ve said about new sibling and how it’ll cause a lot of upset
If they still say no - just go anyway. What are they going to do get security and throw you out? Just tuck baby in sling and a big cardy around then stand at back near the door

LittleKiwi · 08/03/2018 02:54

Yep, NZ - babies welcome everywhere, pretty much. And long may that continue to be the case!

Cousinit · 08/03/2018 05:57

Oh OP, I do feel for you. You are right; when a new sibling arrives it is an especially sensitive time for the older ones. I think in your shoes I would also not send my child in if the school refused my request. You really shouldn't be put in this ridiculous situation though Flowers

FlouncyDoves · 08/03/2018 06:01

They’ll not turn you away. Just turn up with the baby in the sling.

Get your sad face ready for the Daily Fail just in case!

EllieMe · 08/03/2018 06:28

Obviously the school has experienced problems in the past with parents not controlling their toddlers or not leaving when the baby cries.

It's easier to have a blanket ban,if you are allowed to take your baby other parents will no doubt make a fuss because they made arrangements.

mamas12 · 08/03/2018 07:09

Take your newborn in a sling
Your little one needs to see you supporting her
If baby cries either feed or quietly walk out and tell you little one that will happen ok
Enjoy the performance and don't worry about anyone else

Whatshallidonowpeople · 08/03/2018 07:12

The issue is people don't remove their noisy children and it's not fair on the child on stage to have their performance drowned out. Don't be selfish, find someone to look after the child or don't go.

Headofthehive55 · 08/03/2018 07:20

My comment about moving schools is that it is a symptom in my experience of a poor, inflexible school.
My child's school is very flexible. Couldn't make the show due to surgery? Was able to watch the rehearsal instead.
Couldn't make parents eve? Done at another time.
I have watched many many shows over the years and do not think any have been affected by having small ones there.

EllieMe · 08/03/2018 07:27

Take your newborn in a sling

Don't do this. It will be embarrassing if you are refused entry and very bad manners.

Sirzy · 08/03/2018 07:29

Ds is autistic in year two he was really excited to do his one line in the play. Soon after he walked in stage a child started screaming. He covered his ears and ran off the stage and has since refused to take part in any school plays or similar.

Schools introduce rules like this for a reason.

RadioGaGoo · 08/03/2018 07:30

Sounds like a really, really miserable school. It's a shame.

ManicUnicorn · 08/03/2018 07:52

I'm a TA and have never heard of this rule before. Schools should be welcoming and inclusive to all, and that includes younger siblings. As previous posters have said, it's not the bloody RSC! Ive never seen performances spoiled by younger siblings, however I have seen them ruined by rude parents and grandparents chatting amongst themselves.

greathat · 08/03/2018 07:58

As several people have said ask to attend the rehearsal

greathat · 08/03/2018 07:59

Don't just turn up. The rule will be there for a reason don't put them in a position where they have to enforce it. It will damage your relationship with them