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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School and baby AIBU

234 replies

schoolproblem12341 · 07/03/2018 20:56

Hello everyone! Need a bit of advice, not sure if IABU so want to check what other people think before I potentionally put a complaint in at school. Have name changed.

So DC is in reception, quite a sensitive child. They are putting a show on for the reception parents in under two weeks and have only informed us today that younger siblings can not attend. I have a newborn and have informed the school that especially at this short notice there is nothing I can do, DH can't get more time off of work after just being off with the baby when they were first born especially with only under two weeks notice. My DC will be absolutely devastated if I'm the only parent missing, everyone else's parents are coming and I literally don't know what to do. The office have said they will check with the music teacher as that is who it's upto and who decided no younger children can attend but I have a huge feeling it will be a no. I've said the baby can come in a sling so theres no bulky pram and I've told them its actually nap time so the baby will be asleep anyway and that if they wake i will take them out straight away. What are people's thoughts? Thanks

OP posts:
AntiGrinch · 07/03/2018 22:57

"too many shows ruined by crying babies "

You people are pathetic. What do you think this is, Barenboim at the Albert Hall? IT's a bunch of small children who ONLY want to see their mums / dads / grannies and see their smiles when they go "Me too!" or whatever their deathless line is, and melt with joy. I mean it's not actually enjoyable as a show. there isn't anything to be ruined. It's 30 kids, 7 of the boys will definitely have their hands down their trousers, 1 word in 10 will be audible, someone will burst into tears instead of saying the line, and the song will be completely unrecognisable as any form of tune. It;s not for anyone to ENJOY, or a thing that is capable of being "ruined"; it's so that all the kids can get up, do their thing, and see the person in the audience who came FOR THEM and die of joy.

Tragic craven rule-following forelock tuggers.

When your kids say "I want to make a mud pie" do you say to the two year old "you can't join in! You'll ruin it!"

Take the baby in a sling FFS.

Mookatron · 07/03/2018 22:59

* Standing ovation for @AntiGrinch* **

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 07/03/2018 23:05

The kids themselves can get a bit stressed when the line they've practised for weeks is completely drowned out by a posse of toddlers screeching in the front row.
It's not just about the doting parents. And it's usually parents like you, AntiGrinch, that are happy to let their toddlers run amok because they're "bored". The ones who say "Ah sod it, it's not like it's the Royal Albert Hall, innit".

minipie · 07/03/2018 23:09

Seriously AntiGrinch? Do you generally not bother to follow rules you don't agree with?

And as the pp said, it's not about it being ruined for the parents, it's about it being ruined for the other children. Who will vastly outnumber the OP's PFB DC1.

Thehogfather · 07/03/2018 23:22

mook you've completely lost me. You seem to be saying it's harder for one of a couple with a sahp to attend, than it is for one of a couple with two wohps.

Both have an equal chance for one to get time off work.

And sahps are just as likely to be able to find childcare as a wohp is to get the time off.

And if you want to bring in lone parents, it's no different. Those that work will have just as much chance of time off as the sahps do of finding childcare.

greyhound exactly. Although strangely enough that kind of parent always manages to keep their baby/ toddler still and silent when it's their dc's line.

Mistydampandwet · 07/03/2018 23:30

Ask if you can go to the rehearsal ?

Italiangreyhound · 07/03/2018 23:34

This is totally unreasonable.

It doesn't matter if there are some disturbances, it's a school performance not the London Philharmonic!

It's far more important these children are seen by parents and get to show of their talent.

Agree with Fattymcfaterson "Just take the baby in a sling, and if baby crys, stand outside"

Frankly it's a really odd rule and one which seems to suggest the music teach is more important than the kids.

tillytrotter1 · 07/03/2018 23:36

There's always one who thinks that the rules apply to everyone else but them, they're the Special One.

Italiangreyhound · 07/03/2018 23:38

I doubt if the OP wants to change the rule only for herself, I'm guessing she thinks it's a silly rule. As do I.

Locotion · 07/03/2018 23:39

Thank you AntiGrinch.
This has made me rather cross, how mean spirited to not let children in a ... school!

blackteasplease · 07/03/2018 23:41

A new born is totally different to a toddler. Yanbu

Headofthehive55 · 07/03/2018 23:41

The nicest and best schools are the ones where you are welcomed with open arms, baby or no baby.
Seriously, look to see if you can move schools now you know what they are really like. It doesn't have to be like that.

Headofthehive55 · 07/03/2018 23:44

antigrinch
Absolutely.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 07/03/2018 23:44

...see if you can move schools. Wtf?! Grin

WannaBeWonderWoman · 07/03/2018 23:44

Youngest DC's Primary clearly state that if anybody turns up to a 'production', or even a class assembly, with younger siblings that they will be asked to leave!

They view it from the angle that the children have worked hard and its disrespectful to have it disrupted by crying, screaming etc, which I do agree with. Older DC's old Primary also bought in a blanket ban on younger siblings when some parents didn't take them out straight away.

Can your DH not arrange an earlier/ later/ longer lunch and pop home to look after the baby OP? Or go in later if it's first thing? That's presuming he doesn't work an hour away? They don't normally last more than an hour. I wouldn't want to miss it either.

Bearfrills · 07/03/2018 23:47

I sympathise, OP. DS is the same age and his class are hosting an Easter event in the school hall with biscuit decorating, craft activities, and an Easter bonnet parade. The letter states that "due to health and safety issues we cannot accommodate younger siblings". I'm not sure what is so dangerous about the school hall that I can't bring the baby along but I agree that it's unfair on the DC.

My solution is that I'm going to keep him off that day and will be telling school that it's due to their exclusionary attitude, I won't have him upset at being the only one there with no parent to join in the activities (literally all of the other parents are going, I asked and he's the only one in his group with a below-school-aged sibling which makes it feel even more unfair). We're going to do our own Easter biscuits and then we're going to eat them while watching Moana.

mmgirish · 07/03/2018 23:56

I think this is very unreasonable. What do they expect parents to do??

cordeliavorkosigan · 08/03/2018 00:04

I think schools should be inclusive. Our HT got up before the nativity and pointed out that the dc had been working really hard for weeks, and it was unfair to them to let others make noise over top of their show. Fair enough. People sort of took their toddlers out, a bit - but most then left the door open so it was still really disruptive. There was hardly a line in the whole show that wasn't obscured by some sibling shouting or crying.
I don't think they can really do differently (I guess they should have a staff member or PTA member really insisting people go out when their other DC are loud, and keeping the door shut..). So - it is very annoying but in the end it's not the Albert Hall and inclusiveness is probably more important than hearing the show. Though I did feel bad for the ones whose parents couldn't hear anything they said at all.

MacaroniPenguin · 08/03/2018 00:06

Bearfrills but that means he'll be fed all the hype of what fun all those activities will be, then he'll be excluded from doing them. The next day the others will be talking about their bonnets and the parade and you risk him feeling more excluded.

Really whose presence is more important there, yours or his? Pulling him out says your presence at the event matters more than his, and by pulling him out you will be adding to his exclusion not avoiding it. At any age but especially YR/Y1 our TAs were absolutely all over any children who don't have a parent/GP there. Fight the battle to get the rule changed, fine, but you can't avoid him feeling excluded by banning him from attending altogether. Plenty of time for watching Moana after 3pm.

Bearfrills · 08/03/2018 00:16

I've explained I can't be there and he doesn't want to do it so no, he's not going to feel excluded by not being there as he doesn't want to be there.

Coyoacan · 08/03/2018 00:18

Three cheers for the voice of common sense, AntiGrinch

Cousinit · 08/03/2018 00:24

What a ridiculous rule. It's a school performance not a broadway production. The music teacher needs to get over themselves. This would never ever happen in our school. Toddlers, babies or any family members are more than welcome to attend these things and it's never a problem! Any crying or boisterous behaviour and parents generally take the child outside. It's really not a big deal. I would be asking the school to change its policy. That's really not family friendly at all.

Cousinit · 08/03/2018 00:26

I agree with Antigrinch. Take baby in a sling.

Cousinit · 08/03/2018 00:31

I have also experienced my daughter's lines being downed out by a screaming toddler. I still don't think it's right to exclude other children from attending school performances.

Puffycat · 08/03/2018 00:32

You should be there! I totally disagree with this crap about not taking babies, what are you supposed to do?! Any noise, crying, you’re outside quicker than a nuns first curry, job done. Your first born needs to see mummy there, go girl!