Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School and baby AIBU

234 replies

schoolproblem12341 · 07/03/2018 20:56

Hello everyone! Need a bit of advice, not sure if IABU so want to check what other people think before I potentionally put a complaint in at school. Have name changed.

So DC is in reception, quite a sensitive child. They are putting a show on for the reception parents in under two weeks and have only informed us today that younger siblings can not attend. I have a newborn and have informed the school that especially at this short notice there is nothing I can do, DH can't get more time off of work after just being off with the baby when they were first born especially with only under two weeks notice. My DC will be absolutely devastated if I'm the only parent missing, everyone else's parents are coming and I literally don't know what to do. The office have said they will check with the music teacher as that is who it's upto and who decided no younger children can attend but I have a huge feeling it will be a no. I've said the baby can come in a sling so theres no bulky pram and I've told them its actually nap time so the baby will be asleep anyway and that if they wake i will take them out straight away. What are people's thoughts? Thanks

OP posts:
Liara · 07/03/2018 21:28

I'd pull the dc out of the show and go do something really fun with them.

Amanduh · 07/03/2018 21:29

We have had several plays, productions and assemblies ruined by babies and younger siblings. Screaming babies who’s parents didn’t take them out. Toddlers running around. One baby screamed over the entire prize giving for so long that we had to intervene but it was ruined. Another time a parent thought it was hilarious when their 1yo shouted NONONO every time a nativity character spoke.
Unfortunately many inconsiderate parents cause problems for the rest.

Original poster
schoolproblem12341 · 07/03/2018 21:29

The reason I said something and didn't leave if to chance that if I turned up they may not say anything is because as I mentioned earlier my DC is very very sensitive and if they had got in there and realised I wasn't there they would be devastated and would refuse to do it, if I'm not going to be there I will have to prepare them

OP posts:
Mookie81 · 07/03/2018 21:30

Don't just turn up.
Ad a teacher, noisy babies/toddlers do distract the assemblies and put the kids off. You are not more important the the other parents who won't be able to bring kids.
It's a fair policy.

Original poster
schoolproblem12341 · 07/03/2018 21:31

Liara this did occur to me

OP posts:
M5tothesouthwest · 07/03/2018 21:35

How long is the show? I'm guessing it's not long for reception age - 15-20 mins max? Would a kind lady in the office watch the baby for you (I know our school office staff would!)? Especially if they're asleep in the pram.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 07/03/2018 21:36

I’m sure the Music Teacher would be willing to let you bring your newborn and go out if they cry, as you sound nice & reasonable. The trouble is, if they let you they have to let others too and the last few years at many schools it has got beyond a joke with parents letting younger ones run riot. It’s a shame because they have spoilt it for the reasonable ones. No one expects toddlers to sit perfectly quietly, but there was a reasonable expectation they wouldn’t climb on the stage or be allowed to watch peppy pig on full volume etc.

Do you have a neighbour or anyone who would come with you and look after your newborn in reception or something? If you don’t, if you’re anywhere near me (central south east). I’ll meet you at the school and gladly have a hold of your baby for an hour (DBS, refs etc)

SmashedMug · 07/03/2018 21:36

It's not really a fair policy though, is it? Automatically excludes any single parents with younger children or stay at home mums with younger children who don't have access to one off childcare.

Maryann1975 · 07/03/2018 21:36

I think part of the problem is that if they say you can take your newborn, where is the cut off, can someone take their three month old baby? A six month old baby? They’ve made a blanket rule to avoid making a decision about a cut off age.
^ And quite frankly I've never heard of a 4 or 5 year old being distracted by a toddler or baby. Yes they are distracted by the waving parents... And who cares anyway?^
Have you ever sat in a school assembly while a mother lets her toddler run up and down the aisle repeatedly jangling a large bunch of keys? It is off putting and ruins the whole thing for the other parents who can’t hear their own child perform what they are meant to be performing. Yes, the mother thought he was cute, but she was the only one. And it made it 100 times harder for those of us with well behaved small children who wanted to join in with the running up and down and were not allowed to do so.

Isadora2007 · 07/03/2018 21:37

I would ask if you could attend the rehearsal.

snowbellj · 07/03/2018 21:40

You have a newborn - I would just turn up with your baby tbh. The music teacher will be busy organising the performance and probably won't even notice. Toddlers can be noisy, a newborn will be absolutely fine.

pinkhorse · 07/03/2018 21:45

Don't just turn up Hmm. If you get turned away then your child will be very upset. It's best to prepare them in advance if you definitely can't make it

Thehogfather · 07/03/2018 21:50

smashed don't be ridiculous. Working parents might have difficulty getting the time off. Attending during the day without siblings isn't a requirement that makes it harder for sahps, it's equal for all.

Op, your dc is not the only sensitive child in that class. They'll be plenty who will be equally upset if their parents don't get to hear their part because a sibling is drowning them out. Plenty who will be upset if their parents don't see their part because their mum or dad is sat behind someone allowing a toddler to climb up them.

And you can guarantee that when siblings are allowed at least one will have parents selfish enough to allow it.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 07/03/2018 21:51

Agree with just turning up. Don't chase the music teacher for a response. Assume no news is good news.

HolyShet · 07/03/2018 21:53

Complain, it's bullshit not to allow younger siblings
So what if a toddler whinges or a baby cries its not the conservatoire its reception banging some triangles
At our school little ones are welcome, & people take them out if they are disruptive. It's s shame the same can;t be managed for some of the parents

MagneticMan · 07/03/2018 21:55

OP Do you really not have any friends or relatives who could look after the baby for an hour or less?

I really don't agree with 'just turning up' - you can hardly plead ignorance and say you didn't know younger siblings aren't allowed.

The other option, as suggested, would be to keep your other child off and do something nice with him and the baby instead.

ShawshanksRedemption · 07/03/2018 21:55

For those saying it doesn't matter if you just turn up, and so what if a baby/toddler/sibling shouts/cries/screams/runs up and down, then you have no idea how much effort those school kids have put into their assembly. They will have spent time rehearsing, and for many it will be the first time in front of a crowd of parents, and they will feel embarrassed if they forget their lines or their cue. I know because this happened to my DC, and he got very upset because he felt like he'd done something wrong.

OP, I feel for you, and it may feel unfair, but the school made a decision based on the whole of the class not just individuals. I am sure the school will be more than happy to discuss options with you (like attending a practise run) so you and your DC don't miss out.

SmashedMug · 07/03/2018 21:55

I'm not being ridiculous. Working parents are more likely to have childcare available for younger siblings. They might be able to come out of work and still have their young child taken care of. It's harder to find one off childcare.

Mookatron · 07/03/2018 21:58

I think this is utterly ridiculous. Reception kids tend to have younger siblings and it's not the RSC.

Maybe the PTA could rustle up a creche or something? Or at least find someone who would watch your youngest for half an hour (at school).

SomeKnobend · 07/03/2018 22:00

If it was my school and lovely reception ladies I'd ask them to hold the baby while I watch the show. But our school wouldn't be dickish about bringing babies tbh. Hopefully the music teacher will say yes.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 07/03/2018 22:00

I seem to remember with the lights and the crowds children have no way of knowing if their parent is in the audience. You cant have small babies at these events its just not appropriate.

Original poster
schoolproblem12341 · 07/03/2018 22:03

I'm annoyed because previous times it's been fine and now they've decided it isn't ok under two weeks beforehand and I'm now left with no options. I can't leave the baby with anyone, everyone that I would feel comfortable to do that with is at work so would have had to be that dh goes but he just can't get it off this short notice.

OP posts:
HolyShet · 07/03/2018 22:04

I've 3 dc in or through primary school. I've been to feels like hundreds of performances. Babies and toddlers allowed to all of them, never been a disruption that has upset the performers. More important for a wee kid to have someone there rooting for them. Precious and pretentious in the extreme to disallow them, and thereby some parents from attending.

The grandmother who stood up in the front row recording the entire Christmas play on her massive ipad and obscuring it for the audience, however, yes that was offputting.

slithytove · 07/03/2018 22:08

just take baby in sling under a scarf if needed
Sit near exit and be prepared to leave/whip boob/bottle out

Viviennemary · 07/03/2018 22:09

I think the school should stick to their policy. It's fair enough really because there must be so many people with babies and toddlers that find getting somebody to look after them difficult. They just have to make arrangements with friends or family or their partner. And if they can't well then they have to miss the show. At least they've set it out in advance. I'd be annoyed if I'd made arrangements for sitters and found other folk took siblings along.

Swipe left for the next trending thread