School and baby AIBU

[schoolproblem12341]

Hello everyone! Need a bit of advice, not sure if IABU so want to check what other people think before I potentionally put a complaint in at school. Have name changed.

So DC is in reception, quite a sensitive child. They are putting a show on for the reception parents in under two weeks and have only informed us today that younger siblings can not attend. I have a newborn and have informed the school that especially at this short notice there is nothing I can do, DH can't get more time off of work after just being off with the baby when they were first born especially with only under two weeks notice. My DC will be absolutely devastated if I'm the only parent missing, everyone else's parents are coming and I literally don't know what to do. The office have said they will check with the music teacher as that is who it's upto and who decided no younger children can attend but I have a huge feeling it will be a no. I've said the baby can come in a sling so theres no bulky pram and I've told them its actually nap time so the baby will be asleep anyway and that if they wake i will take them out straight away. What are people's thoughts? Thanks

And ffs don't do a daily mail sad face. The teachers have enough to do without that shit

Op not read the thread so apologies if this has been suggested but could you get support from the other parents? I'd happily cuddle a newborn or rock a pram out side the door for 15 muns while you're in there and if you can get a couple to help you might see a good chunk.
Agree this is madness though. Primary schools in particular should be about families

I also don't think moving schools would bean overreaction. But tricky if your eldest is settled

Fortunately it sounds like this is a first for OP's school from what has been posted but I too would consider moving my child from a school that routinely didn't allow siblings to attend events. How common is this in schools in the U.K.? It really is a rotten attitude and quite a poor reflection on how a society views young children.

I'm going to go into the school office after if done the school run this morning and see if they have spoken to the music teacher yet and see what they say

Sorry but either find childcare or don't go.
I've sat through too many assemblies ruined by selfish parents and noisy children.
When your DC is a teenager he really won't remember or care if you were there or not.
I missed many events when DD1 was young and she survived.

It's actually a poor reflection of what people deem acceptable behaviour in public that the schools feel they have to, Cousin. Has anyone considered just why op's school have felt the need to review their policy? In response to what antics they've had to put up with in prior performances?
Lots of people on this thread have stated the bizarre view that toddlers need to be "included" is more important than the school children being capable of being heard??
What's that about?

Maybe I place a lot of importance on going because my parents both worked full time and weren't able to attend a lot of school events and I still remember feeling really sad when everyone else's mum and dad was there and I felt like the only one

Yup to too many parents not removing noisy children has made them do this. I’ve sat through many school performances where selfish parents ruled the day and ruined it for everyone else most of all the children performing as a noisy toddler /baby is totally distracting

Recently Ds1 and I went to a sixth form open day which in the letter expressly asked that young children did not attend so of course one parent thought the rule didn’t apply to them and bought along a toddler in a buggy who chatted and sang loudly, whilst being ignored by mum ,the whole way through the headteacher’s speech so we missed most of what was being said. What was most more annoying was the sibling was 15/16 so could have very well come on there own without parent and toddler

As it is only going to be for about half an hour, could you not think of a neighbour, or someone who you would trust to come to the school with you and walk about the park or something just for that half an hour that you will be busy?

with the baby I mean!

Yes, I can imagine that there must have been some pretty awful behaviour on the part of some
parents to warrant blanket bans on young kids attending events. All I can say though is that babies and toddlers are warmly welcomed to all events where I live and in all the years I've attended these events there has never been a problem. It would be just downright weird to exclude babies and young children from participating in school life. I'm willing to accept that this is probably just a cultural difference though.

The school wouldn’t be changing their policy if they hadn’t had an issue with it. It’s a shame some parents ruin it for everyone else, but sometimes they do. The school has to think of the children in their care first and if they know Johnny’s Mum is going to come and let Little Amy run up and down the aisle shouting and messing around then they make the decision to exclude small siblings. In the ‘old days’ Johnny’s Mum would have just been told not to bring Little Amy this time, but that’s FAR too loaded with problems now.

Surely there’s someone you trust enough to look after your baby for an hour?

Siblings have never been excluded at my DDs' school. But I never took DD2 to watch her older sister when she was a toddler (she came to us at 1 year old). I wanted to be able to focus on DD1 without having to worry about DD2 disturbing the concert/needing the toilet.

I don't think siblings were all that distracting personally. But I don't mind children's noise, I just think at least I don't have to deal with that. Crying non stop is annoying though, when a parent won't take the child out.

To the poster who spoke about the 'walk of shame' with a 1 year old, that's really not the same as a new baby. 1 year olds are wriggly and very distracting if they're not asleep.

I would also ask whether you could watch the dress rehearsal, OP. Or ask a friend if she could push the pram around until baby is asleep (as it's nap time) and bring the pram to the back. Tricky situation though.

Do people think that parents have become more rude and less considerate towards others over recent years? It certainly seems that way from what people are saying here. Or have people just become less tolerant of each other (and small children)?

The first, definitely.

I agree it's the first. Most parents are considerate and do the right thing(ie take them out, etc.), but tiny minority spoils it with selfishness end up in blanket ban.

I think people are less tolerant.
I certainly don't have people to look after mine - the parents I know are all from my child's class. In fact one of mine had special needs and no one would look after her. Unless they happened to be a nurse as she was on oxygen and a feeding tube that easily became dislodged. We only got trained help when she went to school, but prior to that we were on our own.

Clearly thete isn't Annie or the OP wouldn't have posted in the first place.

Are they doing a dress rehearsal? Maybe you can go to that instead :)

People aren't living in the place they grew up so often these days: granny often lives far away and if you have worked there is often limited chances to make friends.

I worked opposite shifts to DH so we didn't even have childcare so I couldn't pay for extra hours etc. The recognition that we don't all live like everyone else I think is dreadful coming from a school.

You will be there to support your child and you will take your baby. I don’t think you should have even asked but I bet if you talk to the music teacher in person they’ll back right off. It’s utterly pathetic

No what is pathetic is going to see your child in a performance of any sort and being unable to hear their lines because of selfish people who take along younger siblings who they let scream and drown everything out, even if they do eventually decide to leave (which is rare) you will have missed your childs line.

I’ve had to miss some school events like this because I work, as many parents do. I highly doubt your child would be the only one in the year without a parent there.

Having said that, it’s a reception age performance not the West End so I’m failing to understand allowing babies in to watch it.

*not allowing

Our headmistress stands at the door at these events and will turn people away who turn up with younger children when they're not allowed.

On the rare occasions that they are welcome she will come over and ask for small noisy ones to be removed.

She's ace.