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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to worry about my daughter's comments

204 replies

Hibbsy · 07/03/2018 13:43

Hi all, last night I got back from a 6 day business trip to Amsterdam, when I walked in last night my DD (age 5) ran up to me and gave me a hug and said "hello old mummy". I thought she was referring to my age (I'm only 32) and said "I not old!" in a jokey way and she replied "no, old mummy, i think i have a new mummy now"

When I pressed her further she said that DH had taken her to PizzaHut for her tea and they had sat with another of the mums from school and her daughter who is in same class as DD and that DD and this woman had been kissing!

I put her to bed and confronted DH, he said that he had bumped into this woman and her daughter when they got to PizzaHut and she asked him to join them and that when they were leaving he simply gave her a peck on the cheek to say goodbye. He found it funny but I am really not sure as she is very attractive and has a bit of a reputation around here (she is divorced and is known for jumping from one relationship to the next as well as having some one night stands).

I also checked our bank statement on line and the money paid to PizzaHut was around £50 so it is obvious DH not only paid for him and DD but for her and her daughter as well.

He has strayed once in the past but only a drunken snog on a stag do which he owned up to after I worked it out from jokey comments his mates made to him to try and wind him up. I don't know whether to be concerned or not?

OP posts:
DiegoMadonna · 07/03/2018 19:16

Cant believe posters saying it cant be anything cos the kids are there

I don't think anyone is saying that. They're saying the "kiss" that OP's DD mentioned and OH explained as a peck on the cheek to say goodbye, probably WAS a peck on the cheek to say goodbye, because they very likely wouldn't be snogging at the table in Pizza Hut in front of their two 5-year-old kids.

And since that is one of the few things that OP's suspicion/thread is based on, I'd say that's a fair point to make.

Claydermansgirl · 07/03/2018 19:17

Despise the slut word Sad. To the poster who said a woman who chases married men = slut. What would you call a man who chases married women? Or is it just a sexist shaming word that women deserve?

ohreallyohreallyoh · 07/03/2018 19:18

You could try some slut shaming around the school playground

Why? What does a single woman eating pizza with her daughter have to be ashamed about?

And why shouldn’t divorced women have relationships, one night stands, or any other kind of sexual encounter that they are comfortable with? Why is it OK to gossip or finger point?

missymayhemsmum · 07/03/2018 19:21

Does your dd like this other child? Does she have sibling longings? At about that age my dd and her bestie decide they would share families and were now sisters. - I was infomed that both were now my daughters. Could they have been playing a 'lets pretend my mummy is your mummy and your daddy is my daddy' game ? Especially if the friend rather envies your dd her daddy, or the staff assumed that the man woman and 2 kids = family? All sorts of innocent explanations.

Mumsymcmumface · 07/03/2018 19:21

“I took DD to Pizza Hut the other day and there was another girl from her class arriving at the same time.

The girls seemed to be chatting and I had had a long morning trying to entertain her, and the Dad looked the same so we decided to all sit together so the girls would entertain each other. It was nice they chatted all sorts about school and we just made small talk.

The bill was £45.60 so he rounded up and put it on his card and I gave him £25 cash to avoid two separate transaction and he didn’t have cash with him.

We went our separate ways and the girls said goodbye, he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

Now his nutjob wife thinks we are having an affair, and apparently a load of other butters on an online forum agree with her, some have even suggested she change the locks!!

AIBU to think this was perfectly normal behaviour and that they are all a bunch of insecure fruit loops?

x, hugs, pm me”

OpenthePickles · 07/03/2018 19:26

Why? What does a single woman eating pizza with her daughter have to be ashamed about?

Oh come on, you know there's more to the story than that^. Did you not read OPs concerns?

And why shouldn’t divorced women have relationships, one night stands, or any other kind of sexual encounter that they are comfortable with? Why is it OK to gossip or finger point?

Confused What are you talking about? No-one has said anything about divorced/single women having sex with whoever they want to...just not married men.

Thistlebelle · 07/03/2018 19:27

Dear Lord, is this still going?

Seven pages of speculation over six hours about an incident the OP apparently hasn’t even raised with her husband. Confused

No wonder divorce rates are so high.

Happy marriages are founded on communication and trust.

You clearly don’t really trust your DH OP but you could at least discuss it with him.

No one here knows what happened and winding yourself up with pages of nonsense is unlikely to help.

Talk to him.

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 07/03/2018 19:29

OP, if you are worried that your husband who has cheated previously, can't keep his dick in his pants after being 'tempted' over a margherita, it's not the single female you need to worry about.

Bluelady · 07/03/2018 19:30

Common sense at last, Thistle.

Claydermansgirl · 07/03/2018 19:30

Diego, some posters did say they wouldnt bring the kids along to a date at pizza hut

Takeaweeseat · 07/03/2018 19:33

Despise the slut word sad. To the poster who said a woman who chases married men = slut. What would you call a man who chases married women? Or is it just a sexist shaming word that women deserve?

Piss off and stop being so patronising. Of course it's not only women who deserve it, both of them deserve it. Are you seriously telling me you don't know any words or phrases to describe these men? Hmm.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 07/03/2018 19:38

What are you talking about? No-one has said anything about divorced/single women having sex with whoever they want to...just not married men

Well, actually, single women can have sex with married men too. It’s not illegal (and before you jump on me, I don’t condone it).

What I am challenging - as well you know - is the misogynistic shite deddled from the very first post - that it’s OK to gossip about, ‘slut shame’ etc. a woman who in reality is divorced and allowed to do whatever she wants. The gossip is evident when OP said she is divorced and is known for jumping from one relationship to the next as well as having some one night stand. So fucking what? Seriously? Who’s business is it? Why does anyone think it is OK to gossip in this way? Why make the assumption that an attractive divorcee MUST be guilty?

I speak as a not all attractive divorcee who has - on more than one ocassion - witnessed a wife pull their husband away from a conversation with me. The embarrassment of these men was acute. I can talk to who the fuck I want, become friends, have a laugh, and all without feeling a need to shag said men. And I have quite the reputation because I enjoy winding the school run coven up and watching it run away with itself. I am just desperately sorry this isn’t a thread about me! Not to self: must try harder!

Takeaweeseat · 07/03/2018 19:40

And I have quite the reputation because I enjoy winding the school run coven up and watching it run away with itself. I am just desperately sorry this isn’t a thread about me! Not to self: must try harder!

Good for you, can't understand why you're single, you sound greatHmm.

LolitaLempicka · 07/03/2018 19:45

When my dd was around 5, she asked me (in front of DH and his mother) who the man sleeping in my bed was while DH was away. It was a female friend, who my daughter knew really well.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 07/03/2018 19:52

good for you, can't understand why you're single, you sound great

Very comfortable with who I am, thanks. I no longer take shit from people who think they can gossip and bitch about me purely because I am single. The same women who whisper loudly about ‘people on benefits’ or who’s child called mine ‘benefit scum’ in the playground. Please don’t patronise me or any other divorcee, we are mainly too busy being all things to all people to be chasing other people’s husbands in the playground.

Oh, and it’s OK to be single, you know that, right?

SpringHen · 07/03/2018 19:57

So you want to be friends with the fathers of these kids who called your kid benefit scum Hmm and make a beeline for them in order to what? Create a self fulfilling prophecy that allows you to call their wives jealous bitches?

Theyre probably just dragging their hubbies away cause they see you making a fool of them by pretending to be their friends while looking over their shoulders to see who is watching. Any good friend/partner would help their friend/partner edge away from that kinda dram llama

NearlyThirtyDad · 07/03/2018 20:02

I'd be a tad curious why your husband didn't tell you, I personally wouldn't go out on whim (even with the kids present with telling OH) for dinner with another woman who wasn't a family friend, though I do agree with PP that I don't think anyone would be so brazen as to have an affair in front of the kids.

CountFosco · 07/03/2018 20:09

If you don't trust your husband because he has previously cheated then you need to decide to either LTB because the trust has gone or you have to live with that ongoing suspicion. It might be innocent (in which case your sanctimonious comments about a single woman's reputed sex life are offensive) or it might be an affair. We can't tell you. I can tell you if DH met a friend of DDs and her Mum and ate with them and paid I would not be concerned. He has never behaved in a way that gives me concern let alone have form for cheating.

Claydermansgirl · 07/03/2018 20:09

Takeaweeseat. No, I have genuinely never heard these men called anything other than a "bit of a lad". In your eyes my sheltered inexperienced life obviously makes me stupid. And while we're at it I'm as entitled to my opinion as you are to yours, so dont tell me to piss off. Its rude and unpleasant.

acupofcocoainbed · 07/03/2018 20:11

To people saying they wouldn't conduct an affair in front of their kids, that is an obvious conclusion to draw as a moral respectful person. But people who conduct affairs are not those things.
Some affairs are hidden in plain sight.
I'm 99% sure my ex had his affair partner around my ds on at least one occasion so it does happen.
Op, you don't trust your husband, which is a sensible position to take considering he's proven himself to be untrustworthy.
That's on him and his actions and your relationship and nothing at all to do with this woman.
I'm single and fairly attractive, I've had relationships and one night stands. I would never ever chase or continue anything with a married or partnered man. No ifs no buts.
I can't imagine a senario where I would share a meal with people who happen to have kids at the same school as mine but maybe I'm just anti social.

Wannabecitygirl · 07/03/2018 20:15

Slut shaming?!?! Why is this not the husbands fault 😱 Maybe husband shaming instead?!

quizqueen · 07/03/2018 20:17

I'd be really annoyed if my husband spent £50 in Pizza Hut or even £25 on one adult and a child, to be honest, unless it was for a special occasion.

NearlyThirtyDad · 07/03/2018 20:21

As for paying for their meal, its hard to say neighbour knowing personal circumstances but if I was out with my daughter, her friend and her one of her parents and I had the feeling they weren't as financially comfortable as my family is, I would offer to pay the bill especially as it's not an everyday occurrence and was only £50.

piratequeenio · 07/03/2018 20:32

When I was first divorced I was told I wasn't " allowed" on couples nights any more by a friend a s" the other wives woudn't like it".

As if I would have gone within a mile of their boring, fat balding husbands!!!

I am pretty sure if I had been plain, dark haired and dumpy ( like the wives) i'd have been invited.

SpringHen · 07/03/2018 20:38

I am pretty sure if I had been plain, dark haired and dumpy ( like the wives) i'd have been invited

Cant imagine why you werent welcome Hmm
Definitely jealousy
Not the fact that youre a bitch about other women..