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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to worry about my daughter's comments

204 replies

Hibbsy · 07/03/2018 13:43

Hi all, last night I got back from a 6 day business trip to Amsterdam, when I walked in last night my DD (age 5) ran up to me and gave me a hug and said "hello old mummy". I thought she was referring to my age (I'm only 32) and said "I not old!" in a jokey way and she replied "no, old mummy, i think i have a new mummy now"

When I pressed her further she said that DH had taken her to PizzaHut for her tea and they had sat with another of the mums from school and her daughter who is in same class as DD and that DD and this woman had been kissing!

I put her to bed and confronted DH, he said that he had bumped into this woman and her daughter when they got to PizzaHut and she asked him to join them and that when they were leaving he simply gave her a peck on the cheek to say goodbye. He found it funny but I am really not sure as she is very attractive and has a bit of a reputation around here (she is divorced and is known for jumping from one relationship to the next as well as having some one night stands).

I also checked our bank statement on line and the money paid to PizzaHut was around £50 so it is obvious DH not only paid for him and DD but for her and her daughter as well.

He has strayed once in the past but only a drunken snog on a stag do which he owned up to after I worked it out from jokey comments his mates made to him to try and wind him up. I don't know whether to be concerned or not?

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 07/03/2018 15:25

Yes I agree the kiss on the check is odd. Unless he does this regularly to other parents/mums.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 07/03/2018 15:37

If you are worried then it's a sign all is not well.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 07/03/2018 15:38

For 4 of us at Pizza Hut a few weeks ago (dd1,dd2, dd1’s friend and me) came to £80 and that was just for 2 large pizzas, 2 garlic bread, 2 fries and a drink each. It could easily be £50 for 2 people if you had extra drinks or dessert? £50 for 4 wouldn’t be likely.

This is 2 adults and 2 x 5yo. Anyway the adults were sharing spaghetti lady and the tramp style 🙄

Lovemusic33 · 07/03/2018 15:46

What mine was for 3 children and one adult, shouldn’t be much different? We chose to have pizzas to share as kids meals worked out more.

Anyway even if he did pay does it really mater? I pay for my friends to have lunch sometimes, doesn’t mean I’m shagging them?

OP is worrying over nothing, I’m sure she goes out with friends for lunch? Does it mater if they are male or female?

Jaxhog · 07/03/2018 15:48

Maybe she gave him the cash and he paid the bill on his card?
Most likely explanation

kiss on the cheek
Well, I kiss and get kissed by many male friends. My Dh thinks nothing of it.

new mummy
Strange, but 5 year olds say strange things sometimes. She didn't appear distressed, which she would do if she thought what you think.

whiskyowl · 07/03/2018 15:53

Children are easily confused about the nature of adult relationships.

My mum ran into someone she knew at university randomly in town. I was about 5, maybe 6. She went for a coffee with him in a shop, and they chatted for a bit, and then said goodbye. I threw a total tantrum at home and screamed that I didn't want her and Dad to split up. It could easily have been misinterpreted, but it was just a small child's confusion about a non-routine meeting with a stranger.

teddyismytreasure · 07/03/2018 16:00

I understand your concerns op, it's a bit of an odd one. Are your children close friends? Do you or DH regularly chat to this woman on and off the playground? If I saw someone from the playground I would say hi, ask how they are etc but I wouldn't want to sit and eat with them! Maybe I'm just really antisocial though. I'd enjoy having some one to one time with my little one.

If DH and the Mum are friends that's different but odd if just acquaintances from the playground. Even more odd to pay and kiss on the cheek afterwards.

Could just be a really innocent comment from a 5 year old though! Sorry op, not very helpful I know.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 07/03/2018 16:01

Please don't state that you know how men can be no....you know how YOUR man can be, you know, coz he's cheated before. Not all men are drooling and desperate to get their knob out if a pretty woman flirts with them

SpringHen · 07/03/2018 16:07

Some women ARE overtly sexual when there are men around. Any men. Including men theyre not interested in sleeping with.

I know in MN land that that is a myth only perpetuated by jealous insecure wives, but in real life there are women who are like this.

Not all reputations are undeserved.

It is at the very least rude and unkind to behave this way on school nights out towards attached men.

That is not to say that men arent 100 percent responsible for their actions.

I wouldnt be happy if my DH was gravitating to such a person. Her past behaviour is relevant with regards to what may be motivating the DH

MiniEggMeister · 07/03/2018 16:14

How well do they know each other? Do people really randomly ask to join someone else for tea? Even if I knew someone really well I wouldn't ask to join them, it's rude. I certainly wouldn't be kissing anyone on the cheek or paying their bill! And if she had cash why would he need to anyway

RitaMills · 07/03/2018 16:25

Hmm I’d find it most odd if some random school Dad kissed my cheek and paid for dinner if we met in Pizza Hut.

To the person that said £50 for 2 adults and 2 kids wasn’t likely then I can assure you it is, we came to just under £50 when we went not too long ago (me, DP, DS and his friend who are both 8) and that was 2 pizzas, 2 chicken sides, 4 drinks and two ice cream factories.

anothersuitcase · 07/03/2018 16:33

springhen I'm glad someone lives in the real world!

gussyfinknottle · 07/03/2018 16:35

It sounds weird. I'd want a better explanation from dh. And the number of a locksmith, frankly.

UpSideDownBrain · 07/03/2018 16:36

If I am low on cash, then I might put everyone's meal on a card and take the cash for me to use. Your DH may have done the same?

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2018 16:40

If DH and the Mum are friends that's different but odd if just acquaintances from the playground. Even more odd to pay and kiss on the cheek afterwards

Yes, In your world. But plenty people have posted to say it's not odd in their world. Can you really not accept that? Seriously, can you really only think if you don't do it no one else must do it and if they do they are odd?

I'm glad someone lives in the real world!

I think you made a typo I'm sorry, I think you meant to write "I'm glad someone lives in my world".

snewsname · 07/03/2018 16:45

I'd take it on face value if your dd has form for this and dp's reaction was to laugh. They weren't likely to be snogging in front of the kids.

IWouldLikeToKnow · 07/03/2018 16:45

Without having read the full thread, my husband is very generous and very likely to have picked up the bill in a similar situation - or at least tried to have. And we're not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. Also, a kiss on the cheek is likely just that. A kiss is a kiss to a child.
It doesn't matter how flirty and attractive the woman is - it doesn't mean your husband can't control himself!!

pigeondujour · 07/03/2018 16:49
  • The reason you are in a state over this is because your husband has form for cheating.

So really that sentence should read 'it's just I know how my husband is perfectly able to cheat with women on nights out and i do worry this might happen again.'

She should have said "I'm married to a cheater. I don't trust him as I know given half a chance he'd cheat again. He had dinner at Pizza Hut with another mum who he bumped into. I suspect he'd try and shag her if he could, he says it's innocent. He paid the bill, pecked her on the cheek goodbye, the kids were there, Ive no reason in particular to think she's remotely interested in my husband, other than I'd really like to blame her, because it makes accepting his cheating easier for me to handle."*

OP, you need to read all of this then reread it again and again.

Takeaweeseat · 07/03/2018 16:52

I cannot believe people still think women are sluts in 2018

But some women are sluts.

A woman who chases a married man, man with kids etc = slut
A woman who sleeps with a different single man every night = not a slut

Idontdowindows · 07/03/2018 17:03

I'd be pissed off about picking up the tab for an acquaintance, but no more than that :)

AnaWinter · 07/03/2018 17:11

Ugh can we stop with the slut references please. From reading these boards it is rarely the women chasing the married men. How do you define a male slut or is there even such a thing?

Lemonnaise · 07/03/2018 17:17

AnaWinter

Where I'm from, the men are simply referred to as man whore or man slut.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 07/03/2018 17:32

Hmm. I'm sure there's nothing serious in it, but I'm also sure he was enjoying the company of an attractive woman who was paying attention to him and flattering his ego.

Kissing her was stupid, however harmless - I would be very unimpressed by him behaving in a way that could cause chatter and make me look foolish, then finding it funny.

MadMags · 07/03/2018 17:39

You know how men are. You don't want your dh picking up on that. On what, exactly? The fact that your dh has been unfaithful in the past is colouring this. That's not her fault.

user1474652148 · 07/03/2018 17:41

Look I don’t think it is anything but I have seen affairs start in the playground (4 to be exact over the years ) and the casual kids tea or coffee or doing a run together is precisely how it starts. Having dinner under the guise of being with the kids is a classic in fact. What could be more innocent? Hmm
You should have alarm bells about the kiss - this is very weird when it just two parents in their own. He paid... and the comment from your dd. She may have thought they look like a couple...
I would be fuming that he had done this full stop.
I wouldn’t joke about this, i def think it would be something I wouldn’t want to see happen again.
Under any circumstances. It is inappropriate