Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to worry about my daughter's comments

204 replies

Hibbsy · 07/03/2018 13:43

Hi all, last night I got back from a 6 day business trip to Amsterdam, when I walked in last night my DD (age 5) ran up to me and gave me a hug and said "hello old mummy". I thought she was referring to my age (I'm only 32) and said "I not old!" in a jokey way and she replied "no, old mummy, i think i have a new mummy now"

When I pressed her further she said that DH had taken her to PizzaHut for her tea and they had sat with another of the mums from school and her daughter who is in same class as DD and that DD and this woman had been kissing!

I put her to bed and confronted DH, he said that he had bumped into this woman and her daughter when they got to PizzaHut and she asked him to join them and that when they were leaving he simply gave her a peck on the cheek to say goodbye. He found it funny but I am really not sure as she is very attractive and has a bit of a reputation around here (she is divorced and is known for jumping from one relationship to the next as well as having some one night stands).

I also checked our bank statement on line and the money paid to PizzaHut was around £50 so it is obvious DH not only paid for him and DD but for her and her daughter as well.

He has strayed once in the past but only a drunken snog on a stag do which he owned up to after I worked it out from jokey comments his mates made to him to try and wind him up. I don't know whether to be concerned or not?

OP posts:
FizzyGreenWater · 07/03/2018 14:40

it's just I have seen how this other mum can be with men on nights out and i do worry he might be tempted

Woah, you are doing yourself NO favours here.

The reason you are in a state over this is because your husband has form for cheating.

Cheating. Not having a perfectly normal sex/relationship life as a single person and free agent who by the sound of it is happy having short term flings and one night stands (as if you actually know that's the case anyway, but whatever).

She's done fuck all wrong. Nothing at all. Him on the other hand... But here you go, busting a gut with the judginess as if somehow, somehow, you can make it her behaviour that's wrong if he were to let you down again. 'Tempted'? Err no. You mean cheating. His decision.

So really that sentence should read 'it's just I know how my husband is perfectly able to cheat with women on nights out and i do worry this might happen again.'

You don't trust him, which is sensible. But you'll only make yourself miserable by trying to make it not his fault.

Trinity66 · 07/03/2018 14:40

It was an odd thing to say but 5 year olds are 5 year olds, your spidey senses will no doubt be tingling for a while now though

Okaynowimconfused · 07/03/2018 14:41

Did your DD say if they kissed lips or cheek? She could get it wrong of course but I'd still probably ask tbh.

SpringHen · 07/03/2018 14:41

It's amazing how many women think their husband is catnip to attractive women, when in reality said attractive woman would probably rather chew her own toe nails than go near what is probably some troll like husband.

Totally irrelevant to me whether or not its mutual, I still dont want my DH setting out to impress someone he finds attractive.
Thinking someone else is attractive is fine.
Acting in it, even if it gets you nowhere, is not

& why are posters compairing this to picking up the bill when out for dinner with friends? That is NOT the scenario the DH is painting.

RandomDreams · 07/03/2018 14:42
Hmm

£50 would be the bill for two people inc drinks in Pizza Hut, not four.

You are reading way too much into this.

DiegoMadonna · 07/03/2018 14:42

a) I would likely offer to/insist on paying for a full meal if I share it with my DD, her friend and her friend's parent. That's pretty normal politeness. OP you should know whether that is something your DH generally would do or not.

b) Plenty of people greet/say goodbye with a check-peck. OP you should know whether that is something your DH generally would do or not.

c) I can't imagine anybody actually snogging someone at pizza hut with their kids present. Not even their partner, let alone a random affair. OP you should know whether that is something your DH generally would do or not, and if it's something he would do then, EW, LTB.

Thistlebelle · 07/03/2018 14:42

Why not say to him ‘Do you have the receipt from PH, I think they’ve overcharged us, they’ve charged £50, that can’t be right for you & DD’

Why on earth would you do this rather than just say “oh did you pay for Jenny and her kids too? That was generous”

I’d keep asking DD questions too, see what other little gems she’d like to reveal about the week you were away this is a horrific suggestion.

beanii · 07/03/2018 14:44

Random Dreams we are a family of 5 and our bill comes to between £40-50.

Lethaldrizzle · 07/03/2018 14:44

Not sure i'd ask a dad with kid to join me for pizza having just bumped into them!

DiegoMadonna · 07/03/2018 14:44

£50 would be the bill for two people inc drinks in Pizza Hut, not four.

Really? Last time I ate at pizza hut it was with another adult, we shared a large pizza (£15) and had a refillable drink each, so it came to £21 or something. That's for two adults, so an adult and a 5-year-old would surely be no more than that.

Not that I think it's relevant anyway. I would pay for my child's friend and their mum or dad if we all ate together.

Thistlebelle · 07/03/2018 14:45

why are posters compairing this to picking up the bill when out for dinner with friends? That is NOT the scenario the DH is painting.

Because if you are the kind of person that picks up the tab with friends then it would be perfectly natural to do it in this situation too.

GreenMeerkat · 07/03/2018 14:47

My DD told my DH I was at the gym talking to all the boys the other day.

I was at the gym. The boys probably didn't want to talk to me state I was in after a spinning class.

They are fantasists at that age and don't understand normal adult interaction. I really wouldn't worry.

Theresasmayshoes11 · 07/03/2018 14:49

My dh would pick up the tab. Wouldn’t think it was strange at all

OutyMcOutface · 07/03/2018 14:50

A peck/two on the cheek when greeting/saying goodbye to a woman (regardless of obe’s Sex) is 100% normal amongst my group of aquaintences, so is picking up the whole bill rather than splitting it. But openly having lots of relationships/one night stands as a grown up with children is a bit Hmm. I don’t see anything the rings alarm bells but you have good reason not to trust your husband and I wouldn’t really trust a person with the kind of reputation that the other mother has either. I suppose what i’m Saying is you are right not to trust either of them but this particular situation is in no way suspicious.

Littlechocola · 07/03/2018 14:50

That wouldn’t be odd for us. We would kiss on the cheek and we would probably pay the bill.

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2018 14:50

Soringhen, don't you see the difference? Your focus is on your husbands behaviour. The op is all about the woman and her tempting him because of her apparent flirtiness with men.

However, I don't know thr history but it seems this man has previous. Which makes the whole he might be tempted she's a flirt thing weird as fuck.

She should have said "I'm married to a cheater. I don't trust him as I know given half a chance he'd cheat again. He had dinner at Pizza Hut with another mum who he bumped into. I suspect he'd try and shag her if he could, he says it's innocent. He paid the bill, pecked her on the cheek goodbye, the kids were there, Ive no reason in particular to think she's remotely interested in my husband, other than I'd really like to blame her, because it makes accepting his cheating easier for me to handle."

Theresasmayshoes11 · 07/03/2018 14:51

Still reeling at the slut shaming remark!!

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2018 14:53

But openly having lots of relationships/one night stands as a grown up with children is a bit

Where does it say she has lots of one night stands? And I assume you feel this way about single men who are also fathers.

In your view parents can't have sex lives even if the kids aren't aware. Or is that just women?

Bit of a whore/Madonna complex have we?

Original poster
Hibbsy · 07/03/2018 14:59

to some of the comments - that's exactly the sort of thing my daughter would say, she takes small things and makes them into dramas, when one of my work colleagues came around to pick up some files with a bag she asked him if he was moving in with us.
as for the mum, I am not "slut shaming", I am just saying i am aware of how she can be with men, for example we have gone out in a mum's group a couple of times around town and she get's bought drinks all night and has ended up going home with different men - not judging her (sometimes I think I'd like the opportunity for some wild stranger sex!) but I know how men can be and worry DH will pick up on it
£50 is nothing of concern financially, it was just disconcerting he paid for her and her daughter

OP posts:
OhCalamity · 07/03/2018 15:01

It's a bit of a running joke in our house that Daddy better not come home with a new Mummy /Mummy might get a younger more handsome Daddy to our 5yo. He jokes back similarly that he's going to get a new mummy or daddy who will let him eat chocolate all day and stay up late.

There may not be more to it than just a joke.

Coconutspongexo · 07/03/2018 15:05

But openly having lots of relationships/one night stands as a grown up with children is a bit hmm.

I doubt she introduces every one night stand to her child or even every relationship.
Why are women judging other women’s sex lives especially strangers!

upsideup · 07/03/2018 15:06

that's exactly the sort of thing my daughter would say, she takes small things and makes them into dramas, when one of my work colleagues came around to pick up some files with a bag she asked him if he was moving in with us.

Well then. Why did you make thread saying you were worried about your daughters comment? When you know thats the sort of thing she does all the time

Original poster
Hibbsy · 07/03/2018 15:09

because upsideup they are sometimes seemingly random and other times you can tell where they have come from, i.e. they have a logical starting point that is real- not everything is black and white with 5 year old for god's sake!

OP posts:
DiegoMadonna · 07/03/2018 15:15

And that logical starting point would be what in this instance? They were snogging in pizza hut in front of their two 5-year-old daughters? Really??

Lovemusic33 · 07/03/2018 15:20

For 4 of us at Pizza Hut a few weeks ago (dd1,dd2, dd1’s friend and me) came to £80 and that was just for 2 large pizzas, 2 garlic bread, 2 fries and a drink each. It could easily be £50 for 2 people if you had extra drinks or dessert? £50 for 4 wouldn’t be likely.

I think your worrying too much, yes she might have a reputation but you trust your dh right?

Swipe left for the next trending thread