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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to worry about my daughter's comments

204 replies

Hibbsy · 07/03/2018 13:43

Hi all, last night I got back from a 6 day business trip to Amsterdam, when I walked in last night my DD (age 5) ran up to me and gave me a hug and said "hello old mummy". I thought she was referring to my age (I'm only 32) and said "I not old!" in a jokey way and she replied "no, old mummy, i think i have a new mummy now"

When I pressed her further she said that DH had taken her to PizzaHut for her tea and they had sat with another of the mums from school and her daughter who is in same class as DD and that DD and this woman had been kissing!

I put her to bed and confronted DH, he said that he had bumped into this woman and her daughter when they got to PizzaHut and she asked him to join them and that when they were leaving he simply gave her a peck on the cheek to say goodbye. He found it funny but I am really not sure as she is very attractive and has a bit of a reputation around here (she is divorced and is known for jumping from one relationship to the next as well as having some one night stands).

I also checked our bank statement on line and the money paid to PizzaHut was around £50 so it is obvious DH not only paid for him and DD but for her and her daughter as well.

He has strayed once in the past but only a drunken snog on a stag do which he owned up to after I worked it out from jokey comments his mates made to him to try and wind him up. I don't know whether to be concerned or not?

OP posts:
SpringHen · 07/03/2018 14:17

To the posters saying "if they were having an affair they wouldnt have brought the kids"

Thats exactly how 2 parents in DDs class carried out the emotional side of their affair. The sex part sometimes happened at sleepovers (gross). Where one would pop round on the grounds that their kid was unsettled at the sleepover, but actually the kids were asleep.

It was very overt and brazen. Faces inches away from each other at playdates in the park/soft play etc.

Funnily enough once she split with her DH and they were "free" to go on "real" grown up dates without the kids it fizzled out pretty quicky..

SpringHen · 07/03/2018 14:19

The peck to me is less worrying than the DH picking up the whole bill.
People dont do that on playdates

SimplyJaded · 07/03/2018 14:19

he simply gave her a peck on the cheek to say goodbye

Er...what?

Who the hell routinely pecks random, barely known school parents on the cheek? Very very unusual to do so, as your dd obviously thought. If your dh was known for doing that it wouldn't have even registered with dd.

Yeah he's cheating IMO.

AbsolutelyCorking · 07/03/2018 14:19

Sorry you’re getting a rough time on here OP. I’d be fuming too! But to be honest, I think it was pretty innocent. What I think happened was, they both happened to come in at the same time and the girls wanted to sit together, your DH thought the Mum would be eye candy and the Mum liked the attention. He wanted to impress her by being gentlemanly and paid the bill. She showed her gratitude for him paying by giving him a kiss on the cheek when she left.

I reckon most men turn to putty when a really attractive lady is around and try to impress them, all very juvenile really but I do think it was harmless.

ifonly4 · 07/03/2018 14:20

Unless she's a good friend of yours who comes to your house or you and DH see together, or he's on regular pick up duty and regularly chats at school, I find this a bit odd. Maybe she'd suggest joining up as they both had the girls with them, but for a peck on the cheek and especially to paying.

Deshasafraisy · 07/03/2018 14:21

He has cheated before, the trust is tainted now and you will always suspect the worse.
This could be innocent but you will always be on the lookout for him cheating on you again.

user1495443009 · 07/03/2018 14:22

I would be concerned but guess you can't prove anything.

You can ask your daugther for more info and just keep checking on him until you have more proofs. Guess you Husband will be more careful now.

Thistlebelle · 07/03/2018 14:23

The peck to me is less worrying than the DH picking up the whole bill.
People dont do that on playdates

Erm Spring yes they do! I’ll sometimes treat my friends to a meal and pay the whole thing. It’s not that unusual.

Simply a peck on the cheek is pretty standard among my friends (make and female). Not at the school gate perhaps but saying goodbye after a meal perfectly normal.

Elementtree · 07/03/2018 14:25

Bullshit. Worst case it's the husband who is the flirt. Why the fuck is I think always the woman's fault.

Worse case scenario and it's a long running affair and they took the opportunity to get the girls together in this manner while you were away.

Which is ridiculous and which I would disregard if it weren't for the dad's particular phrasing of having a new mummy now.

RoadToRivendell · 07/03/2018 14:25

I don't think it's particularly weird. My husband would probably pick up the tab if he were sitting with someone for lunch, some men are programmed like this.

It seems blindingly obvious to me that they kissed goodbye, like I do with every adult I see in a social setting.

Elementtree · 07/03/2018 14:25

Dad's = dd's

RoadToRivendell · 07/03/2018 14:25

Maybe he paid by card and she gave him the cash?

BastardGoDarkly · 07/03/2018 14:26

slut shaming !?

BastardGoDarkly · 07/03/2018 14:27

Saying that though. They wouldn't be snogging in front of their kids would they?

AbsolutelyCorking · 07/03/2018 14:28

I don’t think the offering to pay is unusual if she is very attractive, OP says she has men wrapped round her little finger so I’m assuming men give her a lot of attention. My good friend is stunning with long blonde hair, slim etc., she is married but men always want to pay for her if her husband is not with her. It doesn’t mean there is an affair happening.

SpringHen · 07/03/2018 14:29

Erm Spring yes they do! I’ll sometimes treat my friends to a meal and pay the whole thing. It’s not that unusual.

The DH isnt claiming to be her buddy though, he's maintaining that shes an aquaintaince that only sat there so the DDs could hang out...

I treat my FRIENDS sure, and sonetimes my kids happened to be friends with my friends kids... but thats not what hes claiming happened

You dont splash the cash at everyone whose kids play with your kids!!

Shinycat · 07/03/2018 14:30

It could be innocent (and probably is!) but a 5 y.o. child saying 'I have a new mummy' is VERY strange.

Where the F did that come from? Confused

That would worry me more than anything else actually.

bettinasofine · 07/03/2018 14:30

*slut shaming mmmm she is a free agent and quite ok for her to have relationships and even God forbid!! One night stands.

The dh is the married man.

Slut shaming is a hideous expression. And so mysogynistic*

Nope. If you knowingly come on to someone who you know is married then you're a bit of a slut in my book and if that's shaming you then good you deserve it. And he deserves an earful if he acts on it.

gillybeanz · 07/03/2018 14:31

I wouldn't like it, but my dh wouldn't do something like that as he knows i wouldn't like it.
I'm talking about paying for others.
I'd be checking more tbh, and also could he have been minimising the snog at the stag party.
it doesn't sound like you can trust him to behave how you'd like, which needs addressing.

SpringHen · 07/03/2018 14:31

I don’t think the offering to pay is unusual if she is very attractive, OP says she has men wrapped round her little finger so I’m assuming men give her a lot of attention. My good friend is stunning with long blonde hair, slim etc., she is married but men always want to pay for her if her husband is not with her. It doesn’t mean there is an affair happening.

Its also not innocent, even if it is on her part.

I know Im not alone in not wanting my DH spending money trying to impress pretty ladies, even if his P never falls into her V!!

SlowDown76mph · 07/03/2018 14:33

Do you come from a culture where it is the norm to cheek kiss superficial acquaintances? Have you asked him why he paid? Some affairs are hidden in plain sight :-(

Thistlebelle · 07/03/2018 14:34

Spring paying for a Pizza Hut isn’t necessarily “splashing the cash” depending on their financial situation.

I absolutely wouldn’t think anything of my DH paying in that situation. I’d just think he’d done a very nice thing.

But then I trust my DH. The OP doesn’t really and therein lies the problem.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 07/03/2018 14:37

I have splinters.

If it wasn’t for his history I’d say it was DD being a typical 5yo.

You know your DH better than any of us, is he a ‘social kisser’

Why not say to him ‘Do you have the receipt from PH, I think they’ve overcharged us, they’ve charged £50, that can’t be right for you & DD’

I’d keep asking DD questions too, see what other little gems she’d like to reveal about the week you were away.

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2018 14:38

It would seem some people live very insular lives. They wouldn't pick the bill up at a meal, they wouldn't kiss a fellow parent on the cheek goodbye after sharing a meal., and can't imagine a scenario where anything that happens outwith their norm could actually happen or be others norm.

It is others norm. And there is nothing to say they even flirted. Just because the woman in question has flirted with other men doesn't mean she has any remote interest in thr ops husband.

It's amazing how many women think their husband is catnip to attractive women, when in reality said attractive woman would probably rather chew her own toe nails than go near what is probably some troll like husband. Honestly fucking bizzare. It's even more bizzare how some women think if a woman is attractive and flirty she will shag anyone. And worst of all is how they think these women just have to crook their fingers and their poor innocent unresistable to all women husbands will drop their shorts and have no defence against their womanly wiles.

It really is like the 1950s. But worse.

nickEcave · 07/03/2018 14:39

Are you sure he didn't pay by card and she gave him the cash? The peck on the cheek isn't really relevant. I don't routinely peck on the cheek but if someone did it to me I would feel rude not to do it back (unless I really disliked the person).

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