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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to worry about my daughter's comments

204 replies

Hibbsy · 07/03/2018 13:43

Hi all, last night I got back from a 6 day business trip to Amsterdam, when I walked in last night my DD (age 5) ran up to me and gave me a hug and said "hello old mummy". I thought she was referring to my age (I'm only 32) and said "I not old!" in a jokey way and she replied "no, old mummy, i think i have a new mummy now"

When I pressed her further she said that DH had taken her to PizzaHut for her tea and they had sat with another of the mums from school and her daughter who is in same class as DD and that DD and this woman had been kissing!

I put her to bed and confronted DH, he said that he had bumped into this woman and her daughter when they got to PizzaHut and she asked him to join them and that when they were leaving he simply gave her a peck on the cheek to say goodbye. He found it funny but I am really not sure as she is very attractive and has a bit of a reputation around here (she is divorced and is known for jumping from one relationship to the next as well as having some one night stands).

I also checked our bank statement on line and the money paid to PizzaHut was around £50 so it is obvious DH not only paid for him and DD but for her and her daughter as well.

He has strayed once in the past but only a drunken snog on a stag do which he owned up to after I worked it out from jokey comments his mates made to him to try and wind him up. I don't know whether to be concerned or not?

OP posts:
MrsGB2225 · 07/03/2018 13:58

I worked with a couple that were having an affair, the women used to take her children along with her when they met up so it's not impossible.

biggreenbows · 07/03/2018 13:58

Agree that the historic 'stray' might make me more worried but wouldn't be too concerned about what your DD said.

My dd(6 at the time) once greeted me with the news that she and her best friend were going to have bunkbeds when DH and her mum (J) moved in together and they would only be round the corner so I wouldn't miss them too much. It turned out that J's husband had recently walked out and at a similar time some other children at school had got new step parents. DD and her friend had decided that they would like to be sisters so this sounded like a good idea. I didn't have any real reason for suspicion but was slightly wary for a while.

Thistlebelle · 07/03/2018 13:59

If I heard that my DH had bumped into a friend and her daughter and had a meal together I’d think that was nice! That he was being kind to her by offering some adult company and that it was generous of him to pay.

From some of the odd responses here though I’m on my own. Confused

You either trust your DH or you don’t.

(and the 5 yo’s comments sound like no more than a little bit of calculated nonsense from a child who didn’t like her Mummy bring away)

Original poster
Hibbsy · 07/03/2018 13:59

I'm not trying to have a go at her Bluntness, fair play to her if that's how she wants to be to be honest, it's just she is very, very attractive and flirty / touchy and I have seen her wrap men round her finger

OP posts:
extinctspecies · 07/03/2018 14:01

Maybe he paid the bill with his card and she gave him cash for her share?

I think you are probably reading too much into it.

Bluntness100 · 07/03/2018 14:02

It doesn't matter op how attractive she is, or how flirty she is. If you don't trust him that's your problem.

And being flirty or attractive really does not mean you'd shag any bloke who fancies it. But even if she does, which I sincerely doubt, the issue will always be him and whether you trust him or not.

And you don't.

AnaWinter · 07/03/2018 14:02

Slut shaming

I cannot believe people still think women are sluts in 2018.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 07/03/2018 14:03

I wouldn't be happy at all but that's because it would be completely out of character for my dh to eat with and pay for someone he doesn't really know. He would say hi if they did to him and decline the invite to sit with them. Then again dh much prefers getting food to take home than eating in.

Not really helpful sorry

JanDough · 07/03/2018 14:04

Buying pizza and a kiss on the cheek? Give over! 5 year olds are easily confused and will say anything.

"Nobody can "tempt" your husband into turning into a cheat, only he can do that."

I think you're confused about what 'tempting' means.

LeighaJ · 07/03/2018 14:04

That all sounds very inappropriate, especially considering how your daughter interpreted it. :/

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/03/2018 14:04

The woman hasn't done anything wrong here. She can't help being attractive! IF there is anything going on the fault lies with your H and nobody else.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 07/03/2018 14:06

That’s a cray assumption! This exact thing happened to me the other week. Bumped into a guy I knew from work with his DD, i had my DD and DS with me. We both were heading to the same place for lunch so we sat at the same table. I paid the bill.

Theresasmayshoes11 · 07/03/2018 14:06

I know it’s unbelievable using that term in 2018!! Jesus Christ.

Why are you fixated on this woman’s sex life op? I am sure your dh is a big boy and can stand up to her whiley ways.

It sounds innocent enough to me. My dh would always offer to pay and I could see him doing just this. I would relax and not worry really

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 07/03/2018 14:07

Why do people think all attractive women are temptresses and men only cheat with them. I've known a couple, the man cheated on a woman that would be deemed much less attractive my the majority of people. It doesn't matter of she's the most beautiful person on earth a person will only cheat if they want to

NataliaOsipova · 07/03/2018 14:07

And being flirty or attractive really does not mean you'd shag any bloke who fancies it

This is right - it really doesn't. She might have flirted with him. He might have enjoyed it. Or initiated it. People of the opposite sex do have a jokey flirt from time to time. But that's a whole world away from the two of them deciding to have an affair in front of their children.....

MadMags · 07/03/2018 14:07

it's just I have seen how this other mum can be with men on nights out and i do worry he might be tempted

Fuck sake. Your poor, innocent husband being seduced by the big, bad, single woman! Hmm

RedSkyAtNight · 07/03/2018 14:09

My DD's friends always come round and joke that I am their mummy now (usually because I've told them not to drop litter all over the floor or something of similar ilk). I would presume DD does similar ...

So I don't find OP's DD's remark particularly odd.

I'd assume the bill was DH paid the whole lot on a card and the woman gave him cash for their share.

Nothing here to make me worry!

tortelliniforever · 07/03/2018 14:09

i think I have a new mummy now is an incredibly strange thing for a child to say off their own bat at 5..

Not really. The other day we were at a museum with the kids and DH stopped to talk to the woman on reception for about 5 minutes. DS looks at me and says "So, how do you feel about your husband falling in love with someone else and leaving you?"

EmmaGrundyForPM · 07/03/2018 14:09

I can't believe how people are jumping to negative conclusions here.

It might all be completely innocent. Plus your dh might have put the bill on his card and the other mum.paid him.cash. I quite often do this when out with friends.

I suspect there are other reasons why you don't trust yor husband.

missyB1 · 07/03/2018 14:11

So if the two of them were just flirting is that ok? Because that’s what some posters seem to be saying, and personally that would piss me off.

upsideup · 07/03/2018 14:12

Honestly if this was my husband and my child, I wouldnt even need to question it. You obviously dont trust your husband and have bigger issues than this.

ForgotwhatIcameinherefor · 07/03/2018 14:13

TortelliniForever 😂🤣😂

Bluelady · 07/03/2018 14:14

Mine flirts all the time, it's an intrinsic part of his personality. It makes me laugh.

beanii · 07/03/2018 14:14

It depends on if he usually give school mums a kiss on the cheek or not? Me personally would find it odd.

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 07/03/2018 14:16

I really think it depends on circumstances. As I said, it would be massively out of character for my dh to do this. I know for others its just them being friendly