Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Niece(15) is saying my DS is Trans!?

497 replies

upsideup · 04/03/2018 11:25

My 15 year old niece added me on facebook this morning, she doesnt live in the UK and is comming to stay with us in a few weeks and as I havent seen her for almost a year I had a quick look down her facebook page just to see what she looked like now and what she was up to and about 2 weeks ago she posted a short video on trans children which I havnt actually watched because I was too annoyed by the comment she had posted with is basically saying:
'Aww my cousin is transgender (MTF) and she is the most beautiful, loved and accepted little girl, she's lucky that she has such a good family around her but not all children are so lucky, so many transgender children are ignored and not listened to and so are not able to be who they truly are.... I will fight anyone who tries to suggest that my cousin is anything less than a girl. It was much longer than that but thats the general message and the most relevant things. There's almost 20 comments from her friends saying how lucky she (my son) is to have an amazing accepting cousin like her and how great it is that she(my son) is able to be herself (himself).

Now we have had the 'is he trans?' 'are you sure he isnt trans?' comments from family members before but have always just said no, hes fine, we have dealt with it, he just likes pink, he just wants long hair etc and thought that had been accepted and dropped. Hes not transgender, hes a 4 year boy that has blond shoulder length hair who likes wearing anything sparkly or glittery and playing makeup/dolls/dressing up with his big sisters. We have also added an 'y' to the end of his name because he wanted to but this doesnt even make it a 'girls' name it just makes it a cuter nickname for his boys name and he was the only one out of his siblings whose name didnt end it 'y' anyway but shes used this to imply we are letting him live as a girl.

I am furious that she thinks she can talk about my son publicly online like this without my permission and that what she is saying is all lies, I dont know whether its just cool to have a transgender family member and it just gives you attention and makes you popular around your friends or what.

WIBU to comment on the post saying actually he is a boy and I dont know why you would need to lie about him? Or am I going to have to be an adult and either ignore this or try and deal with it privately throught her parents? Either way If she comes and stays I am not having her call my son things that he doesnt actually want to be called.

OP posts:
noeffingidea · 04/03/2018 11:28

I'd tell her to shut her mouth in no uncertain terms. Just who the fuck does she think she is?

Blackteadrinker77 · 04/03/2018 11:29

Ring her parents and get them to make her take the post down.

Idontdowindows · 04/03/2018 11:29

It's so sad that children's lives are now so restricted that if a boy likes pink, it must be because he's not a real boy, but he's really a girl :(

I would give her a talking to and squash that nonsense right now.

OVienna · 04/03/2018 11:31

I'd be steaming. But she may just block you and carry on.

MaceWindu · 04/03/2018 11:32

I would be absolutely livid. And I would be calling her parents and demanding they make her take the comments down and give her a talking to.

Does she genuinely think you are letting your DS be trans, or is she just trying to seem cool on social media?

MaceWindu · 04/03/2018 11:33

I wouldn't comment on the post though, I think that will just turn into all the trans activists telling you you're in denial and I wouldn't have time for that crap.

Passmethecrisps · 04/03/2018 11:33

He’s 4? People are actually asking you if your 4 year old is trans? Honestly I think that is appalling but I realise that is not your main concern.

I would be contacting her and her parents and telling her to take the post down.

He is a small boy who hasn’t yet learned that we insist on labelling people whether it be male, female or bloody trans.

sexnotgender · 04/03/2018 11:34

Unfriend her and get her parents involved.

Totally unacceptable to use your DS to virtue signal.

HandbagKrabby · 04/03/2018 11:34

Absolutely speak to her parents - I imagine she’s too young to really understand what’s she saying and trans is cool at the moment so she’s trying to get in on that.

I wish people would let kids be kids, who needs labelling at that age?

LouHotel · 04/03/2018 11:35

OP i wouldnt respond on facebook as the liklihood is you'll get several people repyling to you saying your not accepting your sons 'choice' because clearly a bunch of stranger on the internet know your child better than you.

Well done for letting your child play with what he wants and dress how he likes.

Soubriquet · 04/03/2018 11:35

I would comment on the post and make it clear he is NOT trans. He is a boy who likes glitter and sparkle like lots of children.

Kokeshi123 · 04/03/2018 11:36

Totally unacceptable to use your DS to virtue signal.

This, 100%.

Get onto her parents and warn them that you will make a huge stink about this unless that post gets taken down pronto.

NewYearNewMe18 · 04/03/2018 11:36

Does she actually mean your son or a cousin from the other side of the family?

Booboobooboo84 · 04/03/2018 11:36

I would comment something like ‘ an absolute wonderful sentiment and if he were trans and should he decide he is then he is absolutely lucky to have such a supportive cousin like you as we would also throughly support him. However ds is very adamant he’s a boy. Rather passionately so. He’s just a sparkly pink loving boy and what in the world is wrong with that. Sorry I think you’ve misunderstood dn’ keep it cool keep it calm and assert your son says he’s a boy

snewsname · 04/03/2018 11:37

Just post . "Well as far as he, and we know, he's still identifying as a boy. Who knows what the future will bring but at the moment he's just a normal little boy. Please don't forget that, or make it into something it isn't"
Does she have to stay? Tbh I'm not sure I'd want her.

UpstartCrow · 04/03/2018 11:37

Cancel her visit. There's too much at stake for the well being of your own kids.
Its insane that grown adults are taking the lead on changing the sex of your child from a 15 year old. If she were anorexic would they take dieting advice from her?

AwkwardSquad · 04/03/2018 11:38

And link to www.facebook.com/aboycantoo/?fref=ts

Why the fuck do people feel the need to box children into gender stereotypes?!

Jobbieshitkakaboudin · 04/03/2018 11:38

Don't comment on it as it will bring the video to more peoples attention, therefore more people hearing that your child is trans.

Call her parents, insist the video is taken down.

I wouldn't have her to stay.

VladmirsPoutine · 04/03/2018 11:38

Firstly, call her out on it publicly on the post and also speak to her parents. That's not on. And when she does come to stay bring it up again with her.

Secondly, there is no such thing as a 'trans-child'. The world has officially gone mad.

titchy · 04/03/2018 11:39

I'd be rescinding the invite to stay with you personally....

WellThisIsShit · 04/03/2018 11:39

Ask her parents to get her to take it down. Presumably it’s fashionable to have a trans child in your family and she’s shamelessly getting kudos from making this up. However it’s also not a huge stretch for her as yes, you have to fit into a very small box these days, a boy that likes pink? Not a boy, obviously... it’s very messed up and I suppose that at 15, your niece is too young to understand how wrong and actually anti-liberal and constructive these forceful definitions and binary labels are. All whilst proclaiming that they stand for the exact opposite... it’s very sad really.

Your niece is a consumer of this dodgy doctrine and I hope her parents can see through this nonsense to help her learn why it’s not ok to forcibly impose a label on a child who is just being an individual.

Sigh.

AskBasil · 04/03/2018 11:40

I'd just post saying something along the lines of "actually he's not a girl, he's a boy. Boys are allowed to like pink, have their hair long and like pretty things and it's really sexist to pretend they're girls when they do. xxx has never once said he's a girl and he isn't, he's just not a sexist stereotype. He's allowed to play with what he likes and where what he likes because I don't want him growing up thinking men have to like this stuff and women have to like other stuff because that's a horribly restrictive view of how human beings have to be.

Looking forward to you coming to stay with us and playing with your little cousin and seeing how it's possible to just be who you are without insisting that you're a different sex just because you like stuff a sexist society has told you you're not allowed to like".

And then watch it all go off.

Grin

But try not to be too hard on her. It's not her fault that the whole of her society is telling her this shit is real and she thinks she's being nice.

Original poster
upsideup · 04/03/2018 11:41

I am furious, DH isnt home at the moment but I know he will be too. I dont care if she is family, lying about my children especially lies that are positively benefitting her and will have a negate impact on him is not on. I really want to comment on the post but im so mad I dont know if I can trust myself.

OP posts:
AskBasil · 04/03/2018 11:42

What I mean is, she's not making up lies about your DS.

She genuinely believes he is trans. That's not her fault. Her society is grooming her to believe this.

That's why it's really important for women to stand up and say how much bollocks this is - because we are losing the argument right now as everyone is too scared to come out and voice doubts.

AwkwardSquad · 04/03/2018 11:42

And this: www.facebook.com/lettoysbetoys/?fref=ts

Swipe left for the next trending thread