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AIBU?

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Original poster

Niece(15) is saying my DS is Trans!?

497 replies

upsideup · 04/03/2018 11:25

My 15 year old niece added me on facebook this morning, she doesnt live in the UK and is comming to stay with us in a few weeks and as I havent seen her for almost a year I had a quick look down her facebook page just to see what she looked like now and what she was up to and about 2 weeks ago she posted a short video on trans children which I havnt actually watched because I was too annoyed by the comment she had posted with is basically saying:
'Aww my cousin is transgender (MTF) and she is the most beautiful, loved and accepted little girl, she's lucky that she has such a good family around her but not all children are so lucky, so many transgender children are ignored and not listened to and so are not able to be who they truly are.... I will fight anyone who tries to suggest that my cousin is anything less than a girl. It was much longer than that but thats the general message and the most relevant things. There's almost 20 comments from her friends saying how lucky she (my son) is to have an amazing accepting cousin like her and how great it is that she(my son) is able to be herself (himself).

Now we have had the 'is he trans?' 'are you sure he isnt trans?' comments from family members before but have always just said no, hes fine, we have dealt with it, he just likes pink, he just wants long hair etc and thought that had been accepted and dropped. Hes not transgender, hes a 4 year boy that has blond shoulder length hair who likes wearing anything sparkly or glittery and playing makeup/dolls/dressing up with his big sisters. We have also added an 'y' to the end of his name because he wanted to but this doesnt even make it a 'girls' name it just makes it a cuter nickname for his boys name and he was the only one out of his siblings whose name didnt end it 'y' anyway but shes used this to imply we are letting him live as a girl.

I am furious that she thinks she can talk about my son publicly online like this without my permission and that what she is saying is all lies, I dont know whether its just cool to have a transgender family member and it just gives you attention and makes you popular around your friends or what.

WIBU to comment on the post saying actually he is a boy and I dont know why you would need to lie about him? Or am I going to have to be an adult and either ignore this or try and deal with it privately throught her parents? Either way If she comes and stays I am not having her call my son things that he doesnt actually want to be called.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 05/03/2018 09:06

Pengggwyn
I also totally disagree with your rest of world comment. And some others besides. I’ve seen boys in a variety of settings, with long hair, playing with pink, sparkly toys, and then see how they mature into bigger boys. I don’t see my friends son, x from preschool, y from martial arts class, z from School etc growing up to being anything other than men. My friends boy with the long hair, who used to have a pushchair and dolly with pink, frilly clothes even has a unisex name

justilou1 · 05/03/2018 09:14

Did you hear from her parents? I'd be interested to hear their take on it. (Also how it was put to them)

RottenTomatoes959 · 05/03/2018 09:14

greensbeanqueen I know the thread has moved on but a fifteen year old is not a millenial.

Pengggwn · 05/03/2018 10:29

Mummyoflittledragon

I honestly don't think you understood me. But it's not the first time, and it doesn't get me anywhere to explain, so I'm going to leave it there.

ohfourfoxache · 05/03/2018 12:30

Have they replied yet op?

ChasedByBees · 05/03/2018 18:17

I thought they would be if they were born around 2003 RottenTomatoes?

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/03/2018 18:23

Pengggwyn
Does it make you feel superior to talk to a stranger like that?

Pengggwn · 05/03/2018 18:31

Mummyoflittledragon

Not at all. It's just frustrating when - as has happened in the past - I attempt to explain myself and am jumped all over, particularly when it's because people didn't get the gist of what I was saying, rather than because I was saying what they think I was saying. And I'm not going to enter into it again.

Idratherhaveacupoftea · 05/03/2018 19:01

As an older member of Mumsnet, I remember late 60s early 70s when nearly all young men had long hair, wore beads round their necks, wore flowery shirts and looked incredibly feminine. But no one ever questioned if they wanted to change their sex?

Idratherhaveacupoftea · 05/03/2018 19:05

Sorry, gender.

StealthPolarBear · 05/03/2018 19:05

My dad had long hair as a student. As did dh. They've been living a lie!

Nanny0gg · 05/03/2018 19:05

Idratherhaveacupoftea

I remember those days too!

And most of them are now middle-aged/elderly men with bald patches and beige cardigans Grin

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 05/03/2018 19:22

You sound like a fab Mum OP. My husband is very into his gender stereotypes. I'm going to get him to read your posts!

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/03/2018 19:40

Pengggwyn
Can you not see how it could be perceived as such?

I don’t think I am the only one to not understand your point judging by the responses. So perhaps it isn’t me/us but your posts, who aren’t clear. I’ve reread your posts. If you mean something else, I really don’t get it. If you don’t care to explain. But I’d rather not be made to feel the dim wit because of it.

Pengggwn · 05/03/2018 20:03

Mummyoflittledragon

I don't know what to say to you, to be frank. It's not the first time you've misinterpreted me. I'm sorry if you feel I was insulting.

Pengggwn · 05/03/2018 20:11

Mummyoflittledragon

Sorry, let me apologise properly: I did insult you, and I'm not sure whether you deserved it. Sorry. But I'm not going to explain my comments again - more investment of my time than it's worth at the moment!

tygr · 05/03/2018 20:31

I'm another person who would probably be labelled as trans if I was a child now. I wanted to be a boy at age 4. Got mistaken for a boy as wore boys clothes and had short hair and remember loving that.

All it was was wanting to be able to do the fun things boys did and having a lifelong preference for trousers. I grew up to be a bisexual and proud woman. So glad no-one ever gave me testosterone.

Good luck OP.

ivenoideawhatimdoing · 05/03/2018 22:54

Literally... has the world gone insane?

He's a four year old child.

thebewilderness · 06/03/2018 00:00

I am always puzzled by people who argue that it is the job of the listener to understand what is meant rather than the speaker or writer's responsibility to say what they mean.

RhodaBorrocks · 06/03/2018 00:02

And most of them are now middle-aged/elderly men with bald patches and beige cardigans

NOT ALL MEN! lighthearted My DF was said long-haired-flowery-shirts-purple-flares in the early 70s as a young man. Now he still wears jeans and leather jackets and is known as "the cool Grandad" around the school gates. Grin

Well done OP. I'm mum to a gender non conforming child too. He's 11. We had tgevlobgest sane conversation as you did with your DS whrn mine was 6. He's now a happy little creative who writes stories, draws great anime and loves to bake cakes (he wants to be a pastry chef). Years ago he thought boys couldn't like art or cookery. But he's also great at STEM subjects too which pleases me because I'm a scientist in three disciplines. Whoops! Had to get that in there! I'm glad the post has been removed, hopefully you get some reassurance from her parents too that they've dealt with things appropriately.

RhodaBorrocks · 06/03/2018 00:03

*the long, same

lilabet2 · 06/03/2018 00:06

Well that was very silly of her... but she is only 15, she's a kid and we all said/did silly things when we were young!!

She is probably just trying to project an image of herself as someone who is really forward thinking and caring.

Could you just talk to her parents about it? She is not an adult and being very angry at her is probably not the best way to go about it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/03/2018 06:02

Pengggwyn
Thank you. Smile. No I’m not specifically misunderstanding. As I said I did read your posts a couple of times. I have ME and brain fog and sometimes things are difficult to understand. Brain fog effectively blunts the brain giving me an artificially and noticeably lower iq. Imagine being university educated and struggling to access your close friends names and not being able to recall the names of their children let alone have access to a decent range of vocabulary or being able to recall the meanings of some of your Year 5 dds spelling words and finding her fractions difficult. So being made to feel like a thickie is particularly distressing as it highlights just how disabled I have become.

You aren’t supposed to know this, I’m just explaining it’s not deliberate or to goad. I’m not into that. That said, I really don’t understand what you meant. But no worries.

Pengggwn · 06/03/2018 06:15

Mummyoflittledragon

Sorry to hear that, genuinely.

Pengggwn · 06/03/2018 06:15

thebewilderness

You are also a bit confused generally. I did say what I meant.

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