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Original poster

Niece(15) is saying my DS is Trans!?

497 replies

upsideup · 04/03/2018 11:25

My 15 year old niece added me on facebook this morning, she doesnt live in the UK and is comming to stay with us in a few weeks and as I havent seen her for almost a year I had a quick look down her facebook page just to see what she looked like now and what she was up to and about 2 weeks ago she posted a short video on trans children which I havnt actually watched because I was too annoyed by the comment she had posted with is basically saying:
'Aww my cousin is transgender (MTF) and she is the most beautiful, loved and accepted little girl, she's lucky that she has such a good family around her but not all children are so lucky, so many transgender children are ignored and not listened to and so are not able to be who they truly are.... I will fight anyone who tries to suggest that my cousin is anything less than a girl. It was much longer than that but thats the general message and the most relevant things. There's almost 20 comments from her friends saying how lucky she (my son) is to have an amazing accepting cousin like her and how great it is that she(my son) is able to be herself (himself).

Now we have had the 'is he trans?' 'are you sure he isnt trans?' comments from family members before but have always just said no, hes fine, we have dealt with it, he just likes pink, he just wants long hair etc and thought that had been accepted and dropped. Hes not transgender, hes a 4 year boy that has blond shoulder length hair who likes wearing anything sparkly or glittery and playing makeup/dolls/dressing up with his big sisters. We have also added an 'y' to the end of his name because he wanted to but this doesnt even make it a 'girls' name it just makes it a cuter nickname for his boys name and he was the only one out of his siblings whose name didnt end it 'y' anyway but shes used this to imply we are letting him live as a girl.

I am furious that she thinks she can talk about my son publicly online like this without my permission and that what she is saying is all lies, I dont know whether its just cool to have a transgender family member and it just gives you attention and makes you popular around your friends or what.

WIBU to comment on the post saying actually he is a boy and I dont know why you would need to lie about him? Or am I going to have to be an adult and either ignore this or try and deal with it privately throught her parents? Either way If she comes and stays I am not having her call my son things that he doesnt actually want to be called.

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 04/03/2018 13:14

its just cool to have a transgender family member and it just gives you attention and makes you popular around your friends

OP, this was what I thought too. Trans issues are so current that your DN is likely to have used your DS to be able to give a personal angle and show how cool and accepting she is.

I don't think you should engage on fb at all as you don't need to air your family's dirty Landry in front of everyone and DN being outed as a liar isn't necessarily going to give you the reaction you want, especially if she is repeating what other family member have been saying.

I agree with PPs, though, that outing your DS is horrible and that she should have spoken to you first before publicly posting about him as they will probably be friends on fb in a few years and everyone will know it was about him as they will always be cousins.

user1474652148 · 04/03/2018 13:14

Call the parents and get the post taken down immediately. Even beyond the fact it is unacceptable calling your ds a trans child it is not right she should your children publicly like this. Her parents need to educate her about boundaries.

My brother wore dresses and glitter until he was seven. My mums high heels the lot. He is now middle aged, married with two dc and clearly very masculine! Your ds can and should be able to wear what he likes without ridiculous labels.

Honestly this whole trans thing has just gone too far.

user1474652148 · 04/03/2018 13:15

Discuss

NataliaOsipova · 04/03/2018 13:18

Make sure she knows how serious what she has done is.

This. It doesn't have to be vitriolic, but the OP should get the point across. I would definitely have a word with the parents. Is this something they are saying as well? The girl may not have got these ideas herself.

I too would be rescinding my offer of childcare. Not out of spite or anger, but because I would be worried about the potential impact that she may have on my son. Not because she means badly - I'm sure she doesn't - but because she has got the wrong end of the stick in a way that is potentially harmful to him.

GabsAlot · 04/03/2018 13:20

it sounds like shes got this from family making comments like youjve said previously

id talk to bil and sil and ask them what shes been told and then message her putting her straight

im fed up of all this boys should wear blue nonsense-i love long hair on boys whatever age

GoodyMog · 04/03/2018 13:20

CrochetBelle Is it beyond the realms of possibility for you that there might be more than one MN user with a 4 year old son who likes long hair, pink and sparkles?

user1474652148 · 04/03/2018 13:22

I would let her parents deal with this, I wouldn’t tell her off personally. If she comes to stay I would discuss how inappropriate it is to label any child like this, gently and quietly - acknowledge she prob didn’t mean harm but it mustn’t happen again,

Thank goodness your ds is too young to read it and understand it himself. You can’t walk around labelling and discussing children.

We have a girl who dresses as a boy in our class, she always has and she is now 10. No one would dream of labelling her as anything, it’s up to her what she chooses to wear and when she becomes an adult she can decide when she is good and ready. Just because she dresses like a boy as lots of girls do these days thankfully no one cares, it doesn’t make them a boy.
It makes them free to choose what eve they want and this freedom is being eroded by the tranny bandwagon at high volume.

swivelchair · 04/03/2018 13:23

I've counted at least 3 more of us on this thread alone Goody! Whodathunk it - and, and this will blow Crochet's mind, but I'm a woman, and I prefer blue, and always have!

BrendasUmbrella · 04/03/2018 13:24

Keep an eye on her. A trans family member would be a great status symbol for a girl her age. Don't be surprised if she plans to take photos to put on her social media.

snowdrummer · 04/03/2018 13:26

I'd call her out on it publicly to be honest, I would be raging. She's old enough to know better about posting personal opinions on family members online and it definitely seems like it's for her own benefit!

Silly girl.

GladAllOver · 04/03/2018 13:26

I wouldnt want her anywhere near my DS to be honest. It's dangerous.
She will be keen to prove her diagnosis by persuading him that he wants to be a girl.

CadyHeron · 04/03/2018 13:27

I would definitely have a word with the parents. Is this something they are saying as well? The girl may not have got these ideas herself

The OP says that family members have been saying in the past "are you sure he's not trans?" so definitely sounds like it's them coming out with all this stuff to her.

BrendasUmbrella · 04/03/2018 13:28

My favourite colour is green. I suppose that means I'm non binary...

Inertia · 04/03/2018 13:30

The thing that would bother me most is that she's coming to stay. You don't know what sort of gender-stereotyped crap she's going to fill your son's head with.

@CrochetBelle the OP doesn't mention anything about her son wanting to be a girl. It sounds like he just wants to be a boy who wears what he likes and plays with what he likes without needing to fit the gender straitjacket.

SilkandSteel · 04/03/2018 13:30

@GoodyMog the OP posted on the thread that CrochetBelle quoted saying exactly that

Echobelly · 04/03/2018 13:31

I think she was just trying to be cool and jump on the bandwagon to show how woke she is or something. I think a private message to say 'I saw your post of FB, and I appreciate you meant well but please can you not talk about DS's gender identity like this, he is only 4 and we want to let him be who he wants to be without any labels'.

It sounds like you are doing the best thing, which is letting him follow what he loves, but I agree it's not helpful to label him as trans. By that token, I would have been labelled trans if I was a little girl these days because I had cropped hair and played with Transformers etc.

CrochetBelle · 04/03/2018 13:31

CrochetBelle Is it beyond the realms of possibility for you that there might be more than one MN user with a 4 year old son who likes long hair, pink and sparkles?

With the same username?

I've counted at least 3 more of us on this thread alone Goody! Whodathunk it - and, and this will blow Crochet's mind, but I'm a woman, and I prefer blue, and always have!

WTF? You have me painted as an ignorant, sexist idiot because I remembered a post, and searched for it?
No sure it's me who's had my mind blown Hmm

Notallthat · 04/03/2018 13:31

Why is this a big deal? He's 4 it will have no effect on him at all. Shes 15 and is probably trying to sound adult and empathetic to things she doesn't quite understand. Surely people know you can't label a 4 year old as trans. I'd be inclined just to talk to her and tell explain that hes a child and you'd prefer it if she didn't label him as she probably liked dolls and watching peppa pig then but she doesn't now and your son may not like long hair and a y on his name when he's 15 but if he does thats fine too.

AskBasil · 04/03/2018 13:32

"It's up to each individual but maybe cut his hair and don't let him wear pink glittery clothes, DS is 4 he needs guidance from parents still that boys wear this girls wear that"

Why?

Seriously, please could the poster who posted that, answer that question? Why do aren't boys allowed to have long hair and wear pink glittery clothes? What will happen to them/ society if they do? Why are you so keen on stopping boys wearing and liking pretty things?

FrancisCrawford · 04/03/2018 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CadyHeron · 04/03/2018 13:37

Surely people know you can't label a 4 year old as trans

Some people do label them though not the sane ones
Sure I read an article somewhere about a very young child around the same age - was trans, apparently. Hmm
Will try and find it

prettybird · 04/03/2018 13:39

I played with Lego and Brio when I was wee. I had short, straight hair aged 4. My favourite colour was/is red. Never liked pink. Does that make me a boy? ConfusedWink

x2boys · 04/03/2018 13:44

Just remind her he is four , four year olds go through all sorts of phases when my son was four he wanted to be iggle piggle at 11 he has no such desire to prance around in the night garden .

DullAndOld · 04/03/2018 13:44

I would call her out on FB tbh then defriend her.
then I would call her parents and withdraw the invite to stay and explain why.
This could be pure headfuckery for your son.

Piffle11 · 04/03/2018 13:47

I'd want to know exactly who has told her that your DS is trans? Has she come to this conclusion by herself, or have your/her family had a discussion without you? Either way, I'm not sure i'd want her near my DS: is she going to take it upon herself to 'help' him come to terms with his 'transgender' status?? She will confuse the hell out of him, and it may make him confused at best, and ashamed at worst. I'd tell her to back off, and I wouldn't want her staying with me, and i'd also be having a word with her parents - have they said anything to her? My DS used to have long hair, dress up as a girl, and wear nail varnish (fingers and toes!) He grew out of it and is as boyish as you can get - with no encouragement from us, he just got there himself.

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