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Childbirth - Anyone NEVER doing it again? *Title Edited by MNHQ*

323 replies

cheshiremama89 · 03/03/2018 00:07

Childbirth that is...

Had DS a month ago tomorrow and the labour was the most horrendous experience I've ever been through.

Even my mum who has had 5 children described it as traumatic.

After a horrible birth, 4 days in hospital and a tough first month of self injecting, iron tabs, antibiotics, compression stockings and constipation I can quite safely say that I won't be doing it again.

Fave program used to be One Born Every Minute, now I can't bear the thought of it.

Thinking about the experience makes me very emotional and I'm looking forward to it being a distant memory.

Has anyone else felt the same? Gotten over it? Done it again?!?'

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NotUmbongoUnchained · 03/03/2018 00:10

Yep! I hated pregnancy, the birth was shit and she spent the first 3 weeks in the NICU.

But I went on to have DS a few years later because you really do forget about it and it does become a distant memory. Thankfully DS was straight forward.

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ThisLittleKitty · 03/03/2018 00:12

Probably best I don't. My last two were emergency c sections.

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fc301 · 03/03/2018 00:13

All my births were horrendous, but ultimately worth it. I have 3 children.

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MoonlightKissed · 03/03/2018 00:15

I have just one DC - always meant to have two, but hated pregnancy, was so miserable and so many problems.

Birth was totally off-plan, and things really weren't ideal, I was quite unwell for a bit afterwards.

And no, I didn't magically forget it all later on, as some say you do - hence I still only have the one DC, more than 10 years later! And with no plans to change that.

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ijustwannadance · 03/03/2018 00:17

It's shit isn't it. My first labour was ok.
This time it was awful. No one ever tells you the damage birth can do to your body either.

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redbirdblackbird · 03/03/2018 00:18

Your birth sounds very similar to my first. 😥😥 I had counselling for the trauma.
It took me 4 years to want another. I asked for and had a planned section which was s lovely, calm experience and so much easier to recover from.

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deadringer · 03/03/2018 00:19

My poor mum had 14 dc, 16 pregnancies , don't know how she did it.

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colouringinagain · 03/03/2018 00:19

I think many many women find childbirth truly shocking and sometimes NCT birthplace can set unrealistic expectations.

However some births are very traumatic both physically and emotionally.

Talk about it and how you feel. With your mum, with partner, with friends. Some hospitals offer a debriefing service which I'd recommend - you talk through the whole birth experience with a midwife or counsellor which can be helpful in understanding what happened and why.

You might also want to consider some counselling to help you come to terms with what has happened, and to help you bond with your baby despite that.

Yes you can get over it. I did, but it took time and support and the physical injuries sustained during my dc1 birth meant I requested an elcs with dc2. By comparison, both physically and mentally it was a complete walk in the park.

Take care, be kind to yourself and hang in there.

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Readytopop12 · 03/03/2018 00:20

I said never again after DC1... Now sat here feeding 5 day old DC2. My first labour was horrendous and wasn't as bad second time around (even tho both very similar labours, induction post term, baby back to back) but the difference was second time around I knew what to expect and how to help myself, what to ask the midwives to do etc, to make it easier. I knew about what I would be like post birth so had already got everything I needed ready, eg was taking lactulose from straight after the birth to prevent constipation as I'd suffered last time!

Give yourself time, it's only been a month, you may feel differently in a couple of years. And if not, that's fine, you are entitled to feel that way.

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Comedyusername · 03/03/2018 00:22

Child birth is pretty hideous - my first was traumatic, but the midwives were like yeah, pretty standard. I don't know anyone who would say it all went to plan, but then all being well you have a beautiful baby at the end of it.

Been through it twice now, even though I vowed never to do it again. You don't forget, but for me the memory fades round the edges.

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DetectiveDog · 03/03/2018 00:22

I didn’t like pregnancy and had a fairly awful birth, wasn’t keen on the newborn bit either! Definitely said I wasn’t doing it again but here I am pregnant with DC2. Took me 5 years to come round to idea though. Ultimately I want another child.

I have to say I haven’t magically forgotten it all either though, despite what my mum told me. It’s all still pretty clear in my mind.

All that said, if you don’t want to do it again, that’s absolutely right for you and don’t feel pressured by people.

I hope you start to feel better and enjoy things soon. It does get better by the way! The beginning is hard.

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PickledLilly · 03/03/2018 00:24

I had a very bad experience giving birth to my daughter but went on to have a son a few years later. Having a better (albeit still really fucking painful) experience second time around actually helped me massively and I feel like I’ve finally made peace with the bad experience I had first time. I don’t dwell on it anymore but I spent a few years quite traumatized by it. Looking back, I really think I should have sought counselling but I genuinely feel like I’ve got over it now. I really am never ever doing it again now though.

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Witchend · 03/03/2018 00:25

I said never again for about 2 years after dd1.

But dd2 and ds' were so much easier too.

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Lana1234 · 03/03/2018 00:27

I had DS 6 months ago. Very traumatic birth, poor after care and slow and painful recovery. Even though DS was worth it i would never do it again, the thought terrifies me

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Happened · 03/03/2018 00:28

I told my husband I wasn't ever having another, now she's 9 months old and I'm broody as anything 🤦‍♀️

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cheshiremama89 · 03/03/2018 00:28

Thanks everyone Thanks

I feel lucky to have bonded with my baby after what we both went through, and so I'm very grateful for that.

At this point in time I cannot think of ever having another.

A baby shower gift was a beautiful book called "letters to my baby" the first page asks for birth details and it nearly gave me a panic attack writing it down.

I have my GP check up in a fortnight so I will bring it up then Thanks

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TheCaptainsCat · 03/03/2018 00:28

As soon as I had my daughter I knew I'd do it again. Giving birth is shocking, women nowadays don't really have much to do with childbirth until they do it themselves, though I imagine this used to be different in the past. So yes, I found it shocking but not bad. I certainly wasn't traumatised by it.

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Floralnomad · 03/03/2018 00:30

Absolutely , horrendous first pregnancy (HG and miscarried twin) and traumatic birth resulting in blood transfusions and a head injury when I fainted in the toilet and bashed my head . Had a second after 6 yrs and requested a c section which was excellent .

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ginch · 03/03/2018 00:31

I knew I wanted 2 children and the first pregnancy and birth was so awful that it sort of ruined the new baby experience because I knew I had to do it again.

The second time around was a doddle, more or less.

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PersonAtHome · 03/03/2018 00:36

My first experience was awful, ended in an emergency C section but I bled a lot overnight and was discovered very pale and fading away the following morning. I had a blood transfusion and an operation to find the source of the bleed.

The whole thing left me in hospital for five days and I was very unwell for weeks afterwards. It took me a long time to recover and looking back I think I had post partum depression for a fairly long period.

I was quite traumatised by it and couldn't imagine having another one. A few years on I decided to have another child and birth two was completely different, I had a very calm and peaceful homebirth with an easy recovery.

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PandaPieForTea · 03/03/2018 00:36

I don’t know what you’ve been through, so apologies if this is unhelpful.

My DD2 wouldn’t exist if I hadn’t been guaranteed a CS for a second baby. DD1’s birth and recovery were awful and I couldn’t have inflicted a repeat on me or anyone. So I checked that I could get an ELCS and ended up also opting for private care for my second birth. Really glad I did as having DD2 has completed my family and I remember the feeling of elation a few weeks after having her. We also have a big age gap as it took ages before we could even consider number 2.

I’d say wait until you have a super cute toddler - that was what made me want a second DC. I just knew I wanted to do it all again.

On the other hand, we were really happy as just the three of us and I also understand why people stop at one. It wasn’t until I had DD1 that I realised that I hadn’t been yearning ‘to have children’ or to have the two in two years that made a standard family in my head, but ‘to be a mum’ and you are a mum as soon as you have one child. You aren’t any more a mum if you have multiple children.

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theyoniwayisnorthwards · 03/03/2018 00:38

My first birth was terrible too with an awful recovery, I think it was made worse by being unprepared for the shock of parenthood but mostly just bad luck. You do forget, the trauma fades and this time will be a blur.

My second birth was a dream with an easy and quick recovery and honestly I think it helped me recover psychologically from the experience of the first time around. You don't even have to think about number 2 right now, be gentle with yourself, try to find time for self care and ask for help if you need it. Best of luck, I promise it gets easier.

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willsa · 03/03/2018 00:40

My labour was 26h of pure painful hell ( I was convinced I will die from pain/heart attack ) only to have an Emergency section at the end of it. Recovery in hospital was awful, they totally did not care.
I could do another pregnancy but another child birth NEVER. Unless somebody could 100% guarantee that history would not repeat it self. I guess that leaves planned c-section as the only option if I would ever dare ( I don't think I will ).

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LittlePaintBox · 03/03/2018 00:48

I was quite traumatised after my first birth. Long labour led to forceps, I had way too much gas and air because of the time I was in labour, and my memories were almost like hallucinations. I also had PND, which made me feel very inadequate as a mother, from the birth onwards.

Eventually, though, I did want another baby. I won't say I forgot all about the first birth, but I did take more control over the second time - having been through it once enabled me to make different choices. The second birth was very much better.

But it's way too early to be thinking about another one now - be kind to yourself and give yourself lots of time to recover. Birth isn't that traumatic for everyone, but you're far from the only person to be left feeling like this.

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PandaPieForTea · 03/03/2018 00:51

I also recommend counselling following a traumatic birth. I was lucky to find a specialist perinatal counsellor. I may have had PTSD from birth (though a counsellor wouldn’t diagnose). The most useful things that my counsellor said were ‘it seems completely reasonable to feel like that, given what you went through’ and ‘I hear that from many mothers’. My counselling made me realise that the thoughts I had were a pretty reasonable and normal response to what I had experienced.

My experiences have made me determined to share them with others as most of what you see on social media is of parents being instantly besotted by their newborn babies and proud fathers saying how well their other halves did. I’m sure that’s the reality for some people, but it certainly wasn’t for me. Even now I get a bit of a pang when I see the phrase ‘mother and baby doing well’ as it took months for me to be doing well. But it has all turned out ok and I loved having DD1 so much that I did want another and she is every bit as great as her big sister.

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