Childbirth - Anyone NEVER doing it again? *Title Edited by MNHQ*

[cheshiremama89]

Childbirth that is...

Had DS a month ago tomorrow and the labour was the most horrendous experience I've ever been through.

Even my mum who has had 5 children described it as traumatic.

After a horrible birth, 4 days in hospital and a tough first month of self injecting, iron tabs, antibiotics, compression stockings and constipation I can quite safely say that I won't be doing it again.

Fave program used to be One Born Every Minute, now I can't bear the thought of it.

Thinking about the experience makes me very emotional and I'm looking forward to it being a distant memory.

Has anyone else felt the same? Gotten over it? Done it again?!?'

My first pregnancy was amazing from start to birth. My birth was horrible. Forceps needed in the end and blue lighted from one hospital to another.

I swore I wouldn’t do it again. Seven and a half years later I got pregnant again and the birth was a breeze. I was petrified though.

@wysteriafloribunba I totally agree

I attended hypnobirthing and it paints such a sunny picture, I'm all for positive thinking but there was no insight into complications or how what we had learnt could be implemented if things go off piste.

It was very much focused on being in the pool, breathing the baby out like you say!
Very different to what actually ended up happening x

I always knew I wanted two children. I had a straightforward labour with DC1 but retained placenta afterwards which required a GA. I still don't know what happened but do know that I was poorly and lost a lot of blood. Following that I has a miscarriage which I ended up in hospital for, lost a lot of blood and the crash team were called at one point. I had moments of never wanting to do it again, but they were trumped by wanting a 2nd child. Pregnancy and labour with DC2 very straightforward.

Elective c section. That is all. OP, sounds horrendous.

The problem - I think - is that a lot of people tend to gloss over that they had a hideous birth or they don’t say it can be.

I knew my first could result in my &&dd death as I had placenta praevia & I’d already been rushed to theatre twice with bleeding. I wasn’t badly traumatized after because I’d already mentally accepted what could go wrong. My second dc (but 4th pregnancy) after 48 hours I had to have an emergency but again after 24hours I’d started accepting that too.

But I have a large family & most of us have had awful births. Only one of sils had an straightforward time - one of out of 6 women.

What I’m saying is being exposed to awful births previously probably helped me mentally also as I knew there was a chance it wouldn’t be plain sailing. I think NCT & hypnobirthing ideas can lead to unrealistic expectations. Tell us the risks properly.

My first labour was awful. I was terrified and screaming in agony. The post natal care was terrible. I spent the next few years feeling depressed and convinced I would never have another baby.
I had counselling when my son was four and started to feel that I really wanted a sibling for him. The second labour was quite fast and furious but a much better experience and I recovered well.
Don’t put any pressure on yourself. You may be very happy as a family of three. You may decide you want to do it again. Choose what you think is best for you and your family.

Hi op, I had a traumatic first birth, an EMCS. I felt dreadful for the first few months. I mentioned it to my GP who was pretty dismissive but did refer me to my Health visitor who was really good.She did some counselling sessions with me. I remember being upset on my DDs birthday for a few years as it brought back horrible memories.

I also remember writing to the Birth Trauma Association as they were asking for birth stories. For some reason that felt like it really helped. I did go on to have 2 more DCs, one by EMCS and the next by ELCS. I had them at different hospital because I could face going back.

I really wish you well OP. I don't think society is very supportive of women who have traumatic births. If you do decide to have more DC be aware that you can go to another hospital and make sure the staff know you've had a difficult birth.

If you’d asked me a month after my baby was born I’d have said never again in a million years. Horrific delivery in which I nearly died and it left me with crippling ptsd. I’m very much recovered now after quite a lot of cbt sessions and I’m planning a second baby. It takes a while to process and recover from something like that so don’t rush into thinking about it too soon. Take time to heal.

After my 1st, it took me about a year before I could think back to the birth without feeling physically sick.

I think my want for another became stronger & stronger and to be fair, the bad memories do fade.

We had a 2nd and she completed our family. Her birth was no where near as bad - I knew what I wanted/didn't want and took control.

It's still early days, be kind to yourself x

My husband and I had always discussed having two children. But I hated pregnancy, even though I was well throughout.
My labour was 50 hrs of hell, ending in an episiotomy and forceps in theatre. I was so drugged up I slept through the first day of my baby's life. I couldn't discuss my labour / birth for weeks without crying.

We had to take him back to the same hospital for physio (he was stuck, hence the 50 hrs, bad neck) and I had a panic attack in the car when we drove past the parking spot we parked in when I went to deliver.

It took my 6 weeks to start to love my child. I hated the sleepless nights. My failure to breast feed (again, his painful neck bless him). The physical damage my birth did (still healing 3 months on.) the fact that I literally don't remember giving birth to him and it felt like I had to learn to love a stranger's child.

Everyone is already asking when the next one will be. And maybe I'm just a complete wimp!! But I can't see myself doing it again. I'm currently perfectly happy with our family of three.

I've apologised to my husband, as our plan was for two, but I genuinely don't think I'd mentally survive another. I feel like I've cheated him out of something, because I know he'd love another one. But I think he was fairly traumatised by it all too and understands. He's an amazing dad, and I still feel guilty about the decision I've made. Maybe I'll change my mind, but I currently really doubt it.

I attended hypnobirthing and it paints such a sunny picture, I'm all for positive thinking but there was no insight into complications or how what we had learnt could be implemented if things go off piste.

This is a major gripe of mine. The whole setup at the moment is really patronising to women and far too Pollyanna ish. The idea that ANY birth can be ok if you just breathe/don’t technique does women a gross disservice. It leaves women shocked and traumatised when things go wrong and makes them think it’s their fault for not following method x enough.
The type of birth you get is basically down to how the baby lies on the day plus the interaction with your own anatomy. From the get go, some births are going to be easier and some harder. Some will never be ok without intervention. And those women are often the ones ending up with pnd because they think they should have been able to breathe through it. There’s FAR too much pressure on women to ‘do it naturally’ when this is just not the best way for all women.

Op I had a pretty grim pregnancy and that alone left me needing some therapy. Birth was compulsory elve, anaesthesia wore off, incision needed to be extended several cm, I lost a lot of blood.

What helped me was a debrief with the surgeon who was kind enough to come round and walk me through what the fuck had happened and some psychotherapy after. I still developed very severe pnd and ocd.

Pregnant again now and it’s grim again (severe HG) and I have zero desire for a VB because I’ll once again be weak as a kitten and unable to move due to spd.

Try to get a debrief when you’re up to it. Therapy helped me somewhat, I think a specialist postnatal practitioner would be better than what I had.

You’re not alone. There are a LOT of women I know damaged mentally or physically by birth. Demand whatever help you need to get through this and if you do ever get pregnant again demand elcs.

After a long time trying to conceive, 2 miscarriages, 2 terrible pregnancies and PND, I had my second child a month ago and I am never ever doing it all again. And I am so relieved I don’t have to! No one believes me when I say never again of course because obviously everyone else knows me better than me

Sorry I didn't have time to read the thread so may repeat what others say. I am sorry things didn't work out for you as you planned. Its still early days so don't worry too much about struggling still.

I had a difficult first Labour and postnatal complications including haemorrhage, anaemia, and post natal depression. I couldn't remember my labour at all, just felt overwhelming panic if I tried to think of it which I think was a post traumatic stress reaction.

After 3 years I had another baby. What helped me was discussing my concerns with the midwife. Mine were quite specific)(linked to ineffective epidurals) so I had a meeting with the hospitals chief anaesthetist and we put a plan together for me involving only senior anaesthetists and other pain relief options that are not usually available. I also prepared myself better for pain by using some hypnobirthing techniques. For me, I just needed to feel some control and it also helped to have someone validate that it had been challenging and most labour's are not like that.

I think you can ask to do a birth review where you discuss what happened and chances of it happening again.

However, I don't know the details of your labour. In some circumstances I might not have had more. One is enough for lots of people.

I think we also fail to remember that pregnancy & childbirth in days gone by were risky. Lots of women & babies died. We have unrealistic expectations. Same with breastfeeding. Not all women can. Dd1 was a dream. Dc2 didn’t want to know. I beat myself up about that at the time. Now dc2 says so what! I’m here I’m happy - what’s the problem.

I felt like this after I had my first. Took my 18 months before I was really ready to consider another. Had a second though. Probably will have a third.

I felt the same about my first, which was a c section. I had another which was a vbac and a great experience but took me 2 years to even tolerate the thought!

I had a rubbish first labour, 31hours, back to back, forceps, signed the dotted line for a c section but they decided to cut me open instead... then obviously the recovery.

I was certain I would never do it again as it was horrific.

Now I have a 4 year old, and a 1 year old. 😂 I would never say you forgot a bad labour, but you accept that you have to go for the worst times for the most amazing gift in the world.

And I kidded myself that second labours are quicker... when in fact it doubled the time and I spent 54 hours without any pain relief.

Now DH is sterilised as I'm really not doing that again 😂😂

Is he your first baby OP? Defo see your GP if you are having panicky thoughts around the memory. Friend of mine had PTSD after her first, took 5 years and some treatment before she could do it again.
I had two very traumatic births, toyed with the idea of number 3 for a bit and as part of the planning i contacted the Midwivfery Council asking for a guarantee i could have an elective! They very kindly sent my request on to an OBGYN who said that with my history it should be a shoe-in. Ultimately we decided not to have another DC but i remember feeling very weepy and scared at the possibility of getting pregnant and then for some reason having to give birth naturally again.

I was traumatised by my DS's birth and am terrified of going through it again, though in an ideal world would love to have two children. He is almost one.

When I was asked about the birth by well meaning friends it took a lot for me to be able to talk about it and I was upset that people would just say "But he's alright now isn't he, everything is fine now", because it felt like our tough experiences had been swept away and like they didn't matter when, actually, it was all I could think about.

OP, it's tough

Meeeee! Nononononoooooo thank you.

I adore DS with every inch of me but I cannot bear another 9 months of being miserably pregnant with massive piles, sciatica, SPD and all the hormones, then pushing out a 9lb + heffalump, then all the sleepless, relentless hell that is having a newborn baby, losing all the damn baby weight, the stitches, the stretch marks.... no thank you please thank you.

Also we have no room in our teeny house for another person, but DH and I are both pretty dead set on being a one and done family. If we really wanted another, we could budge up and make room. But I am not up for doing all that again.

As a positive, it isn't always hideous.

My last Labour was fast, and relatively low pain. I had no pain relief other than a tens machine and a few minutes of gas and air. It was a lovely peaceful experience

Pregnancy and childbirth suck big time. But I did both twice because I wanted 2 children. No more ever ever.

My first was pretty awful. Labour was long and ended in forceps and episiotomy. I tried to block it out for ages after. Now dd is 2.5 and it's a bit more of a distant memory I would give birth again. Won't be having any more for other reasons but the trauma of the birth has faded.

Oh and OP my kids are both 5+ and I still cant watch One Born Every Minute! Makes me feel like throwing up!