Childbirth - Anyone NEVER doing it again? *Title Edited by MNHQ*

[cheshiremama89]

Childbirth that is...

Had DS a month ago tomorrow and the labour was the most horrendous experience I've ever been through.

Even my mum who has had 5 children described it as traumatic.

After a horrible birth, 4 days in hospital and a tough first month of self injecting, iron tabs, antibiotics, compression stockings and constipation I can quite safely say that I won't be doing it again.

Fave program used to be One Born Every Minute, now I can't bear the thought of it.

Thinking about the experience makes me very emotional and I'm looking forward to it being a distant memory.

Has anyone else felt the same? Gotten over it? Done it again?!?'

Hurrah for MNHQ fixing the clickbait title.

After ds was born (long labour, augmented, back to back, failed forceps, emcs, postnatal psychosis, postnatal depression and flashbacks to a previous traumatic event) not only I was never having any more children, I was going to stick a fork in dh's testicles if he ever suggested sex again.

I'm 25 weeks pregnant. At points I wish I'd gone for the fork option and I'm slightly terrified about getting them out of me but it's too late now and hopefully I'll keep a grip of my sanity this time.

V v similar situation to me Dinosaur, and I'm 25 weeks too. Petrified of going into labour before ELCS.

I literally could have written that post. We went through a long old process to get our baby, and I really loved being pregnant. I had my Birth Centre delivery planned to the letter... we were going to have a water birth, with soothing music and dimmed lights... My little girl is five and a half weeks old, and the birth was horrific, induction at 42 weeks and ended in an emergency c-section. I was discharged less than 24 hours later, then readmitted via ambulance with sepsis and severe water retention 10 hours later (I was carrying 12kg of extra fluid in my legs alone). Am having to visit the tissue viability clinic every few days to have my stomach packed and dressed, after the doctor re-opened my wound two weeks ago, in an attempt to “help it drain” and it now refuses to heal.

My husband said the other day that he can’t wait for me to be pregnant again, when she’s a bit older. I just looked at him. The thought of it horrified me.

Birthplan?! Ha! I was told our place never bothered with them so no point doing it. Dangerous shit heap, as I said previously.

I'm reading this thinking how amazing women are. We go through these awful experiences for our children. Many of us take the risk of doing it again.

I know this isn't very Mumsnetty, but you're all amazing.

My first birth was awful. So very long and painful. I delivered naturally but tore so badly I had to have an epidural AFTER the birth to be sewn up. Ffs, it still makes me want to cry. Bits blown to smithereens.

I swore I was only having the one. And then time did it’s thing and a few years later I had another baby.

For what it’s worth, my second labour was a breeze. The first had obviously carved a nice pathway and exit in my insides and he just popped out after a few hours

It's been over 6 years since my son was born. That's how bad I found it. Tentatively trying for baby number 2 but I'm terrified.

The only way I will have another is by elcs. Even then, I know I would spend the entire pregnancy absolutely terrified that I'd go into labour early and have to go through labour again.

A part of me died that day, I don't think I'll ever be the same again. I still cry myself to sleep thinking about it.

I feel really lonely and sad and a feeling of loss when I realise I may never have another baby.

Have found this thread quite cathartic. Thank you op. hope you manage to find some closure/peace of mind over your traumatic experience in time.

@MiaowTheCat

I think your right about the forgetting.

If you rate your pain as high before pain relief is given and if you and your baby go off in different directions after the birth you are less likely to forget.

I had both. Extreme pain before the epidural and DS was taken off to SCBU. I've not forgotten a damn thing and can replay it all.

Definitely didn't have any sort of euphoria afterwards. Just felt stunned. And very flat and empty.

MiaowTheCat I think if it's a straightforward birth you can forget when you've got the baby
Not here
The thought of pregnancy and birth again leaves me with cold sweats and looking to swallow a whole box of contraception

God, this thread makes me bloody furious because nothing seems to have changed in the 31 years since I had my first birth experience...emergency cs after which the mw called me a silly cow for not agreeing induction at 41weeks...if I had we would have both died as I have a narrow pelvis but I didn't find that out until I was pregnant with Dd 10 months later and my new GP read the hospital report.I was terrified of giving birth and the lack of aftercare. He suggested a termination as I had ptsd and pnd..but I was able to go to a different hospital and I hoped the second would be better. I was talking to the mw at the 36 week check and I looked over to see 'for cs only' in red in the notes.I pointed that out ,she hadnt noticed, phoned the unit and booked me in for delivery at 38 weeks , I was so relieved was an understatement.The birth was calm but again the aftercare was shockingly bad ,nurses assuming that I could walk when I couldnt ,the ward was filthy and the toilets were bloody messes. Both my children were over 10lbs born.
I was determined never to get pregnant again.
It took me months to live my babies and regret that the most.

B

Ive got three children and won't be having anymore. I had two tough labours after inductions but my third was a planned homebirth.
It was actually great. I had more control over it all which I think helped massively. Being at home helped keep me calm and relaxed and helped me labour better.
I think everyone has hugely different experiences and if we were supported better throughout it would help us deal with the aftermath better.

I had a dreadful pregnancy with hyperemeais and basically vomited constantly for 9 months, in and out of hospital on a drip, could barely keep water down. The birth was grim as welk. Dd now 15 and I never ever changed my mind about not going through that again.

*hyperemesis

Had such an awful time with my first birth that it took me 11 years to pluck up the courage to have another child.

No. Never. Not in a million years.

And if DH comes anywhere near me with the hope of having a second, I’ll be crushing his bits with two bricks. Even then, he’ll only suffer a fraction of the pain that I did.

DD now 27 months and I still have no interest in having another. Her birth was awful but I was prepared for it to be awful (read a lot during pregnancy) and was just grateful we both survived the experience. What really did for me was the shocking aftercare on postnatal (we were in for 3 nights after birth, then readmitted because of feeding problems) and my milk not coming in which meant DD nearly starved to death. Neither of those things I was prepared for. And those are what gave me PND.

I’d consider doing it again if:

• guaranteed an elcs
• wouldn’t go to a hospital signed up to the Baby Friendly Initiative
• would buy in help after the birth as it was such a struggle with no family support

It is worth requesting to go through your birth notes - I had a debrief after complaining to the Chief Midwife about the appalling care. I found it quite helpful although my notes had been digitised and the Midwife struggled to work the tablet with them on and we had to go through them out of order as they’d been digitised the wrong way. It was a bit odd going through the birth again but in a different order!

I am currently doing some research on birth experience memories, their relationship to trauma. I posted it on Mumsnet some time ago, in the research corner. I am still looking for new mums, if you would like to get in touch please email me on [email protected] , it is an email questionnaire, not time consuming.

I know exactly what you mean. I've just started counselling as I cannot seem to stop thinking how horrendous it was!

I had a horrendous birth with my DD, everyone said I would get over it and have another, 12 years later there is still no way I am ever doing that again! Got one healthy child and I'm happy with that