Childbirth - Anyone NEVER doing it again? *Title Edited by MNHQ*

[cheshiremama89]

Childbirth that is...

Had DS a month ago tomorrow and the labour was the most horrendous experience I've ever been through.

Even my mum who has had 5 children described it as traumatic.

After a horrible birth, 4 days in hospital and a tough first month of self injecting, iron tabs, antibiotics, compression stockings and constipation I can quite safely say that I won't be doing it again.

Fave program used to be One Born Every Minute, now I can't bear the thought of it.

Thinking about the experience makes me very emotional and I'm looking forward to it being a distant memory.

Has anyone else felt the same? Gotten over it? Done it again?!?'

How the hell do you know how you are going to react to probably the worst pain you’ve ever felt, before you go through it? It’s impossible.

My ante natal classes consisted of pushing a cricket ball out of a sock a few times and pain relief options. No one ever said that I would throw up continuously during labour. That was my quirk. I threw up, everywhere in both labours until they gave me medication for it. My DP didn’t even believe I was in labour with DS2 until I threw up and then he was suddenly up and putting his clothes on. Labour is very individual, people pain thresholds vary, the quality of care in hospitals differ, you just don’t know what’s going to happen until you are living it and it’s fucking scary.

According to the doctor I was having double contractions!

Why oh why do we expect childbirth to be like having a nice day out.

I've never heard a single woman say she expected childbirth to be like having a nice day out.

Anyone else?

Second I retained some placenta and hemmorraged, had a midwife literally sit on my stomach with no pain relief to get the placenta out. Didn’t work so I was rushed down to theatre, I lost 4 pints of blood and had two transfusions.

I had similar with my second and I spent my entire third pregnancy obsessing about it. All my birth plan said was 'If I have another retained placenta just knock me out immediately and get me into theatre asap.'

It actually all went fine at the third birth, but I will never forget the moment of relief when the midwife said 'Right, let's see what this placenta is doing' and it just slid right out.

My first was utterly horrific and I swore never again.... yet here I am with 3 more to the brood from 2 pregnancies and deliveries. Twins and a late surprise! Each delivery was very different but experience does bring benefits - you get better at speaking your mind, asking questions and voicing concerns so in lots of ways have more control.

Memories do fade and I went into my twin delivery forewarned, armed with questions, and just generally better prepared mentally for what was coming.

It is very early days, be gentle with yourself and talk to your midwife or HV

I had a traumatic experience with my son who is almost 8. Back to back labour, ineffective contractions so put on cyntocin drop but not given epidural. Pushed for 5 hours until they threatened c section. Got him out but lost lots of blood but not given transfusion. Anaemia for weeks after. Became single mum when he was 9 months old and assumed I didn't want any more children anyway. The idea of giving birth makes me feel ill. But I'm with a man I truly love now. And I'm 40 this year. An early miscarriage a year ago upset me too. So I'm wondering those of you who requested a c section, how did that happen? Did you get your notes and go armed to your midwife? Was it on the nhs?

my mil said like a day's work not a day out and she was a tough northerner telling me i was a soft southerner ..

sorry..you were replying to a different poster, not me

By comparison, my birth story is nowhere near as traumatic as some of these I have read. It's enough to strike fear into me at the thought of ever having a second child though.

I had a shit pregnancy, early threatened miscarriage, severe SPD meaning I was virtually housebound from 20 weeks onwards. I had an elective section booked for 39 weeks due to birth anxiety caused by a close friend's birth experience not long before which has left their child with neurological problems.

I went into pre-term labour at 34+2, steroid injections, emergency meetings with the SCBU team after being whisked off to deliver. I held off delivering her until 35 weeks. When I went back into labour I was told I'd stopped contracting again (I knew I hadn't) and they'd probably discharge me again. I was experiencing back labour with no pain relief.

When my waters finally broke I was told there was meconium (there wasn't) and I'd need my labour brought on with the hormone drip, I asked for an epidural then and there as I knew that would make it intense. I was talked out of my epidural and told to save it for later. I didn't end up having the drip but progressed so quickly naturally that I didn't end up being able to have an epidural afterall.

I remember being on my hands and knees, pushing, but not being able to tell anyone I was pushing. I was made to turn onto my back with her already descending and then told I'd likely be getting a forceps delivery on only gas and air. I avoided the forceps only for them to take my gas and air from me during her delivery so ended up feeling everything.

Never again will I allow myself to be in a position with so little autonomy over my own body. I have HUGE chunks of my memory missing from the experience and had examinations done with no consent.

So yes, by comparison, I got off so so lightly but it was the exact opposite of what I had requested and what they had agreed to. I was in no way mentally prepared for it and as a result, I panicked all the way through and have blocked out the majority of it.

@manicmij

Why oh why do we expect childbirth to be like having a nice day out.
I didn't. In fact not being an optimist I was sure something would go wrong. My birth plan was largely 'I'd prefer not to have forceps/ventouse/etc but if medically recommended...' so not exactly a load of hippy nonsense - and who'd want a forceps delivery unnecessarily? And I only put that because it was a specific question on the form they gave me.

And yes I screamed. I screamed the place down when the contractions turned into one long unbearable agony with no break. Just constant pain. I wasn't scared I was dying because there was no room in my head for much in the way of thought. I know I begged for an epidural but the midwives insisted on pethidine because it was in my sodding birth plan. It's hazy after that, but according to DH the pethidine didn't seem to stop the pain, it just meant I was still in agony but with added confusion. What stopped the pain was finally getting the fucking epidural I'd begged for.

Of course the whole reason I'd been reluctant to have an epidural was because I'd wanted to be mobile. Which I couldn't be anyway because of the monitor so the whole reason why I'd put that in my birth plan was no longer relevant.

Aren't we all lucky to have such a thing as birth plans and epidurals nowadays. Pethidine was/is the drug to go to but can only be effective if adminstered before the last stage of labour. We have becomet so accumstomed to quick fixes and expect to be given full and accurate answers about everything by experts. When childbirth is involved we can be shocked at just how long labour can go on and how much pain can be experienced. Labour and childbirth is quite a brutal animalistic process and we should be much more realistic that unless the mother/baby is actually in danger then nature should be left to be nature.

we should be much more realistic that unless the mother/baby is actually in danger then nature should be left to be nature.

Ah the natural fallacy..

... no, we intervene when it’s clinically indicated. Leaving things to nature ends up with mortality and morbidity rates like we used to have, and which still occur in countries without adequate medical care.

The critical point: You can’t tell if the mother and baby are in danger a lot of the time - it’s only retrospectively when you’ve got a live baby, or god forbid a dead or injured one that you can say ‘things would have been ok if left.’ Or ‘we should have intervened earlier.

Well Me & dd Would be dead then manic, as would my mum, sister & niece may or may not have survived her birth. But my sister would be dead so her next 2 wouldnt be here.

Dear OP,

Please can I implore you to check whether the unit where you birthed your baby offers a birth reflections service. It may be something that while you are still at the eye of the storm may not appeal to you but I would recommend that when you are feeling stronger, that you consider.

It’s an opportunity to go through your birth notes, with a senior midwife or obstetrician to understand what happened and why. It may be beneficial.

Oh god no. Never, ever again. I'd be utterly devastated to find myself pregnant to be honest. It was the worst thing ever. I haven't forgotten, gotten over it, it hasn't faded or passed.

Never ever ever ever again. And I'd warn all others not to do it either. Makes me sick thinking about it to be honest.

(DS is 2, so there's definitely been time!)

I haemorrhaged with DC1, it was awful. I also found the pain agonising. At the time I said I was never doing it again. Two years later I did! Haemorrhaged again with DC2 after a really long labour and I really am never doing it again.

I have my 2, they have each other which is also lovely as I always wanted more than one. But I am done, as is DH. Seeing me go through that twice was enough for him and for me.

I had terrible births with both of mine, both forceps delivery, DS2 had an apgar score of 2 and the silence when he came out was the scariest thing ever.
I was told straight afterwards that the next one would be a c section. I'm done.

I hated pregnancy and my first reaction when ds was born was thank goodness I never have to do that again.

And I never have.

Goodness knows how someone like Kate Middleton has done it three times with her appalling pregnancy sickness.

I've had severe HG for 32 out of 37 weeks, six hospitalisations and I'm still on steroids for the vomiting and haven't worked since my positive pregnancy test. I haven't even experienced labour but I categorically will not be doing this again. Is there such a thing as pregnancy trauma?

I am so sorry to hear you had such a bad experience. I do think you need some counselling. One of the problems today is that in our society we don't talk about how dangerous childbirth can be for both mother and child. Today the outcomes are better than they were, and thank goodness you and your baby are alive, albeit battered. It would be awful to terrify women who might have a perfectly good experience but on the other hand it is an awful shock when things go wrong so there is no answer. I have problem with people assuming its all going to be a magical experience, and also with Baby showers. It terrifies me that people celebrate the arrival of the baby before the birth. Anyway, I digress. The important thing is to do whatever it takes to help you to heal. It is early days. Try and focus on the wonder that you have made, and not dwell too much on the nightmare. IF you think sometime about another child, discuss having a section

Sick from 7 weeks pregnant. Truly horrific birth with life changing injuries followed by shitty shit shit aftercare. Eventually diagnosed with MS.
And now too old to try again.
Other than that it was great.

@manicmij

Aren't we all lucky to have such a thing as birth plans and epidurals nowadays.

Epidurals? yes. Birth plans? Not so sure. Apparently they're meant to make us feel more in control, but tbh for a first pregnancy you're not going to have a clue, and I say that as someone who wasn't expecting much.

It's the only downside to not having a second child, I'd be so less likely to just lie quietly and do as I was told if I did it again, and would insist on things like knowing who my consultant was and on getting up and walking around when needed, even if only for a couple of minutes. But to be honest I don't want to have that battle, not at a time when I'm feeling frightened and vulnerable anyway.

My birthplan if I did it again would be:

Outside of emergency situations, if the agreed upon course of action (you know, that I gave my 'informed consent' for) has been changed, tell me.

I do not want to be induced.

is there such a thing as pregnancy trauma?

Yes. And it responds well to treatment so please, if you can afford it, get some. Money well spent.

Your pregnancy sounds like the ones I have.
Self injecting daily, stockings, iron meds and then ending up im a+e due to allergic reaction to tje bloody iron drip etc

My first 2 births were horrendous.

With first midwife didnt give a fuck and was sat at the desk eating chocolate(while i needed to push) . I was supposed to be induced and before it happened I was in hosp a few days and was told I will make sure you dont go down first by mw
Ended up having emergency surgery to correct all the damage.

2nd delivery at diff hosp I had huge bleed 2.5L at delivery.
Ended up in HDU needed blood transfusions and antibitotcs as ended up with infection etc
This was no1s fault. My womb doesnt contract so I bleed and they didn't know but handled it amazingly.

3rd birth
Same hosp as 2nd. They were fantastic and prepared so did things to minimise bleeding and lost 1-1.5L of blood which was loads better.
Didnt tear with 2nd or 3rd.

Currently pregnant with 4th and looking forward to birth as at the same hosp and they will have everything under
control.
Each pregnancy is diff.
Never had sickness before and have HG this time.
Each delivery is diff too.

I did do lots of online counselling after the 1st birth that helped a lot