Childbirth - Anyone NEVER doing it again? *Title Edited by MNHQ*

[cheshiremama89]

Childbirth that is...

Had DS a month ago tomorrow and the labour was the most horrendous experience I've ever been through.

Even my mum who has had 5 children described it as traumatic.

After a horrible birth, 4 days in hospital and a tough first month of self injecting, iron tabs, antibiotics, compression stockings and constipation I can quite safely say that I won't be doing it again.

Fave program used to be One Born Every Minute, now I can't bear the thought of it.

Thinking about the experience makes me very emotional and I'm looking forward to it being a distant memory.

Has anyone else felt the same? Gotten over it? Done it again?!?'

I had a terrible first labour. 3 days of interventions and ended in shoulder dystocia, forceps, 3rd degree tear, loss of blood, lots of stitches, double incontinence for a few months, hard scar tissue, physio, no sex for a year...Just a shit sandwich all round really.

But we wanted another and that period paled in comparison to having a baby.

Then i had a terrible second pregnancy. Placenta preavia and lots of bleeding from 29wks, being rushed into hospital thinking we may both die. Then hospital bedrest for 7 weeks before a very traumatic c-section.

But again, we wanted another.

3rd pregnancy was extremely stressful as it turned out i had ptsd for the first 2 experiences. i had an elc against what i wanted. But the baby went overdue and the drs really didn't think i should try vaginally and had been against it all along. It turned out to be the best birth yet. It was really lovely. The recovery with a 2 and a 4 year old was shit tho and we had to hire a nanny for a while.

However, i'd happily have a 4th. The reason i wont is not the births/pregnancies but the fact that none of the little bastards fucking sleep! So i haven't slept properly for 5.7 years now. That to me is way worse than any of those birth experiences, because it drags on and on. I'd happily go thru my first labour again if it meant my dc would sleep better.

My first delivery was terrible. I vowed I would never go through it again and so had an elective caesarean for my second. I really can recommend it. However you will have to do your research in advance as some hospitals are more sympathetic to a request for a caesarean than others. Don’t ask the midwives, as they will be very unsupportive. Ask the doctor as they are generally far more supportive.

Yanbu. One friend had intensive counselling, hypnobirth cds and reassurance that she would have a csection. It took years of all of that before she changed her mind.

My sister did not change hers. Im wavering myself, my counselling really helped.

Had my first DS at 24 weeks, with thanks to the moronic bloody doctor in the maternity unit who refused to examine me, told me to stop wasting his time and sent me home. And meant there was no time to have any drugs to try stopping contractions. Or decent pain relief. [anger] I hope he's enjoying his promotion and lovely life as a consultant. DS spent 4 months in NICU and has complex disabilities.

Made the difficult decision to have DS2 because I was desperate for DS1 to have a sibling and also felt I'd failed so badly at pregnancy and wanted to do it 'properly'. I was lucky enough to have the most amazing GP who referred me out of area to a specialist high risk pregnancy unit with the most incredible antenatal care and a lot of reassurance. Knowing in advance of TTC that I had a brilliant care package arranged made all the difference for me. DS2's birth ended up as an emergency CS and being re-admitted to the children's ward several days after birth due to too much weight loss and jaundice....however in comparison with DS1's birth it was an absolute breeze.

I think the NHS would close down instantly if I turned up and announced I was planning DC3....

ImListening I'm a grandmother. DC1 was born early 70s after a pregnancy where I was still throwing up in labour. There was very little communication in hospital, basically I was left on my own for long periods. Eventually someone realised there was a problem, and a whole team of people were suddenly doing things to me. No one said what, but I was given an epidural, something I'd never heard of. I've no idea how many stitches I had, but I was ripped to shreds. A couple of days later it was realised I needed a blood transfusion, again no real information. Fortunately my lovely baby was fine, and I even managed to breastfeed, not fashionable back then, but it was my choice. I've never forgotten a ward assistant, on seeing me trying to sit up saying 'what's the matter, you've only had a baby!'

My GP told me later we were lucky to have both survived, baby was transverse and had arrested, and I'd lost several pints of blood. I believe in retrospect I should probably have had an emergency c section, but they left it too late. I searched for information, but back then there was no internet, and the library didn't have much. We had DC2 within 2 years. I knew if I put it off I wouldn't have another, and the whole experience was thankfully very different. It made me feel I hadn't 'failed' as I'd felt after DC1. It took a long time to get over the first birth, counselling or even talking to others who'd been through something similar would have been a great help.

Cheshiremama, enjoy your baby and take any support that you think might help.

I found the opposite Jeanne everyone was pushing me to have an elf but i was terrified and really didn't want one. My fears were totally dismissed and i wasn't supported at all as it was seen as a really easy thing for me. I ended with PTSD from it. It really ruined my 2nd and 3rd pregnancy.

Yes. I had a cs which left me with PTSD.
I thought I'd never be able to have anymore.
However I went on to have another three, and had fabulous vaginal births, with number three I said immediately afterwards that was good lets have another!

So it can change.

OP Im so sorry for what you have been though.

Having a healthy baby doesn’t make it all ok. It’s natural to feel completely traumatised by what you have been though. Imagine if a man had gone through that - no one would be saying “ oh well it’s all worth it because you have a baby at the end “ .

You can acknowledge you pain and distress AND love your baby, it’s not either/or. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about it.

And it’s totally ok to decide not to have another child, it’s thats what you want.

There is no correct or best family size, what ever works for you will be fine for your child. There are disadvantages and advantages to every type of family.

I'd have any number as long as you could guarantee they wouldn't be a CS!

I've had 1 ds and I will never do it again.

I was induced and it was nothing to giving birth in about half hour. That's good I hear you say. I imagine it is when you've got an attentive midwife and appropriate pain relief.

Midwife wouldn't even see me and sent HCA who wouldn't give me anything and said she'd get the midwife. She never came back.

I told dp and my mum I was going to push. Dp went to get midwife who said don't be so ridiculous she cant be.

Anyway she eventually came in and I told her I was pushing she looked and she was like oh yeah so you are no time for pain relief.
They then offered me gas and air for my stitches. Really??

They put a canular in my hand mid contraction which was unneccsary and I had to ask them to take it out before I left.

Never ever again.

I would definitely say get counselling to deal with any issues you have. I didn't and they got compounded with other stuff till i was fairly crippled with fear and nightmares. I had a debrief from my first labour just just before my 3rd babies arrival and it really helped. I had been begging for it all the way thru my 2nd pregnancy but i had been completely ignored as i was having a section so to them it wasn't relevant. I wish i had have been more forceful, despite asking every day to everyone i spoke to for 7 weeks.

I found the opposite too and there was a lot of pressure for a cs. Which had given me ptsd in the first place! My vaginal delivery was very much a healing process for me.

The first thing DH said to me after i came out of being sewn up after ds1 was 'if you never want to have another i am okay with that'. He was also traumatised and cries frequently abut it. We got married 3 months later and he spoke in his speech about my bravery. He has been to Afghanistan and seen people killed and it still was the most terrifying thing he has experienced. Don't feel you need to minimise it.

I suffered ptsd after a terrible pregnancy and terrible birth where we both v nearly died crash c section under general and king stays in scubu for DS and HDU for me. We tried for another but think my body just went “you have to be joking!” So we have one very precious little boy. If you continue to struggle with bad feelings about the firth I would recommend the birth trauma association it’s a closed group on Facebook

First DS born, easy pregnancy but horrendous birth. Went on to have DD, easy pregnancy, birth not as bad as DS's. Third DS born in 2016, most horrendous birth ever. He ruined my back, would love to have one more if I met someone else, but will never give birth naturally again. Even if I have to pay for csection, I will.

The saying " you will forget the pain as soon as you see them" is true to some extent though, otherwise I would never have DD.

I had a rubbish first birth, 44 hours of back to back labour, ended in emergency C section under general anaesthetic as spinal didn’t work.
I hated the recovery from the c section, as you’ve described surgical stockings, constipation, iron tablets, those bloody injections. I lost a lot of blood and was anaemic so felt faint/lethargic and spaced out for weeks.

But I forgot all of that 😂 I just had a VBAC which was a very positive experience! I used hypnobirthing at home for as long as possible and by the time I got the hospital I was in established labour, I went from 4cm-10cm in 40 minutes. Contractions were ok actually compared to my back to back labour!
I needed help pushing DS out with forceps but the recovery is already so much better than my c section. I also made sure my iron levels were high before I went into labour so I didn’t feel so shit afterwards (I lived on Black pudding and mussels!).
Sorry for the ramble, but I did feel the same as you and am so pleased I went for it again

That's so good to hear headof. I wanted that with DD but it wasn't to be. Even on the morning of the ELC i had a sweep and they were going to try to break my waters but she wasn't engaged at all even tho she was 40+3 and my cervix was very soft. I had had sweeps every day for 2 weeks prior and nothing.

Another reason i'd not have a 4th is that i would have to have a section and the healing time with other dc to look after is brutal.

With ds2 i started refusing canulas. My arms were black and blue for weeks. I still remember the canula with ds1 as the most painful part. they fannied around for ages and put it in the most awkward place while i was contracting with no pain relief. I had ds1 at MK and it really is the shittest hospital. My care from beginning to end was shocking.

I had what you'd say was a straightforward pregnancy and labor with DS, 3 years ago. I was very lucky. But even so I found the pain utterly utterly shocking, and couldn't believe what I'd put my body through.

I'm pregnant with no2. Finding this pregnancy much harder but ultimately id do it all over again to get DS and for this one.

I really think there's little preparation for the women to cope with what giving birth feels like and how barbaric it all is.

Yup. Gave birth nearly a month ago, declared to OH right afterwards that I'm never doing it again. It was horrendous, much much worse than my first birth. 24 hours of induced contractions, several failed epidurals, major haemorrhage, uterus wouldn't contract because my bladder was distended so had to have an in and out catheter several times, and to top things off I got a uterine infection which was incredibly painful.
The actual pushing part was honestly the easiest part of the whole thing.

I'm still waiting for the English speaking midwife to call me and talk me through it as my memory is still blank in parts.

My first pregnancy was tricky but not awful. The birth was horrid and I had post natal anxiety and a colicky baby who refused sleep day or night. I was such a mess but didn't talk about it, so I think you're amazing for acknowledging your trauma and not pretending all is well.

Despite all that, and my closest relatives predicting 'never again' I had my second (and last) three years later. The absolute biological urge was for a second was so powerful, especially when baby friends all started having their second two years later.

I had another tricky pregnancy but the birth was textbook and he was a chilled out baby who liked sleeping. I deserved it!

I felt that was but two years later when DD1-18 was so wonderful I changed my mind. I wouldn't be without DD2-15, she is also fantastic.

Never again. Ds was born at 35 weeks after a long labour, failed epidural, episiotomy and ventouse. Recovery was horrendous and my stitches got infected twice.

Dd was born at 37 weeks and is now almost 4 weeks old. I was diagnosed with complete placenta previa at 32 weeks and told I was basically a time bomb. Started bleeding at 36 weeks, stayed in hospital, investigated for a pulmonary embolism, went into early labour, told they didn't want to do a high risk c-section in the middle of Saturday night so could I just hang tight, started bleeding more, oh whoops we'll have to do the c section...

The registrar described it as traumatic and 4 weeks later I've got symptoms of ptsd and (thankfully) a good therapist.

Anybody who has gone through a traumatic first birth will take a while and need help to get over it.

Please, if youre suffering, seek perinatal counselling if you get pregnant again.

I got pregnant a year after a very traumatic birth. I lost the baby i think through stress of realising i'd have to go through it all over again. I sought counselling and two years later had my second child in a planned cesarian. Secretly, I think of the birth of my first son as the wirst days of my life, and my second and the best day ever. (They'll never know that of course). It's amazing what counselling can achieve. I'd have been a far better mother had I sought counselling after the birth of my first son. counselling can change everything.

I had a traumatic first birth ending with a crash cs and birth injuries for both, plus a pph. I swore never EVER again. I had ptsd and pnd, panic attacks. I finally got help 2 years later.

I did have another 4 years later after intense counselling and spent the pregnancy terrified. While I had another emcs, it was a very healing experience.

Please seek help with your feelings. You don't have to have more babies but there is help available to manage your anxieties and address the trauma.

DD has just turned seven. I would rather die than go through childbirth/sick baby in NICU etc again. Though I don't have flashbacks any more so that's something.

We both nearly died, it was 72 hours of horror and incompetence from start to finish. I genuinely would kill myself if I got pregnant.