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Childbirth - Anyone NEVER doing it again? *Title Edited by MNHQ*

323 replies

cheshiremama89 · 03/03/2018 00:07

Childbirth that is...

Had DS a month ago tomorrow and the labour was the most horrendous experience I've ever been through.

Even my mum who has had 5 children described it as traumatic.

After a horrible birth, 4 days in hospital and a tough first month of self injecting, iron tabs, antibiotics, compression stockings and constipation I can quite safely say that I won't be doing it again.

Fave program used to be One Born Every Minute, now I can't bear the thought of it.

Thinking about the experience makes me very emotional and I'm looking forward to it being a distant memory.

Has anyone else felt the same? Gotten over it? Done it again?!?'

OP posts:
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everybodysang · 03/03/2018 09:09

Oh - and I have had counselling, debrief, apology from Trust etc. Still would rather die than do again.

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ShowOfHands · 03/03/2018 09:09

I agree with my first labour being the worst day (2 days!) of my life and my second was the best (3 days!) of my life. It was all down to the counselling.

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ChikiTIKI · 03/03/2018 09:10

I had a similar experience to you and 4 months on I have physically recovered but mentally I am in a right state. Been waiting months for medical notes and a debrief.

Try not to blame yourself. I originally would have thought that was stupid advice but a few weeks ago I had the sad realisation that I must be blaming myself. I find myself thinking "why didn't I tell them to stop" "why didn't I demand a c section" it's easy to say those things now but at the time I was very vulnerable and should have been able to rely on those around me to help me.

I know my husband wants another baby one day but I know he will put my wellbeing before that and is happy with what we currently have. I don't know if I could do it again even with an ELCS I feel like I could still find it very traumatic.

I'm sorry for what you've been through. I agree everyone gets told the risks of a c section if they want one but nobody tells you the risks of being induced before they do it... First time baby with induction and epidural, you're almost guaranteed ventouse, forceps or EMCS...

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NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 03/03/2018 09:10

I had two very quick labours & births-last one was 6 & half years ago & I haven't forgotten the pain-at all, certainly wouldn't fancy doing it again.

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Headofthehive55 · 03/03/2018 09:11

mrs I refused canulas too! It's interesting that the medics don't recognise that a CS can be psychologically traumatic too.

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CigarsofthePharoahs · 03/03/2018 09:11

I'm not putting myself through it again.
First pregnancy was easy, but delivery was a 39 hour slog resulting in a forceps birth. My cervix was resisting the idea the whole time.
Second pregnancy was awful. 20 weeks of nausea and sickness, neatly segwaying into SPD. Ended up needing an EMCS as my waters broke at 36 weeks and an induction failed. We were both very ill. Ds2 spent a day in special care and then we were both in hospital for a week being pumped with antibiotics.
The thought of being pregnant again makes me feel sick. It also took me nearly a year to let DH anywhere near me afterwards. Bless him, he was patient and kind to me.

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TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 03/03/2018 09:11

I had a tricky but not horrendous birth with dc1. It was more dangerous for dc1 than it was for me I think, as we had shoulder dystocia and she was born with very low APGAR score. We both fell seriously ill after birth with infections, but aside from that we both recovered well.

As a result of that and due to increased risk of having shoulder dystocia again, I had an ELCS with dc2 and it was wonderful.

I will say though, that pregnancy was hard this time, so I’m very tempted to say “never again”. Also, I never ever want to hear the words “let’s hand express some colostrum into a teaspoon” EVER again. That alone might actually put me off having another. Breastfeeding? Lovely! Pumping? Grand! Hand expressing and scraping a plastic spoon across my nipple? I really never want to do that again! Anyway, we don’t have room for any more babies. Unless we win the lottery and move into a bigger place, it probably won’t be happening.

So, yes. (Probably) never again!

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mergrey · 03/03/2018 09:13

Look into 'the positive birth company'

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Cagliostro · 03/03/2018 09:15

My third is my “never again” baby. Four days of induction at 37w because they reckoned she was too small (I had GD, well controlled with diet). Everything went wrong. All the pessaries didn’t work, it was outrageously painful getting them in (I used gas and air) as my cervix is in the wrong place. They broke my waters, but later on it transpired it hadn’t worked. The drip was on for about 20hrs, I was exhausted and had a hypo as well. I was begging for a section as nothing was happening, and I wasn’t allowed to move off the bed. They said no, not yet, have the epidural and we will ramp up the drip even more. So I had an epidural, absolute rubbish that it is just ‘pressure’ and doesn’t hurt. It hurt. An hour later they call the anaesthetist back because the epidural didn’t take, so we do it all over again. They increase the drip and within minutes I’m in transition and terrified, the actual pushing was only 10 minutes but I was an absolute screaming wreck by then, we had other midwives come in and I was panicking hugely, begging for forceps or anything at all, screaming that I couldn’t do it. I just feel so embarrassed at the state I was in. I refused one examination (at this point I was convinced I still wouldn’t be more than 1cm as I’d been that for 3 days, it just felt pointless) and then when I realised I needed to push I felt sort of told off for it, because maybe if they’d examined me then they would have seen I was finally dilating.

I had the expected hormonal crash after the birth, exacerbated by passing huge clots and having to inject myself (nobody had told me that). But I got through it. However on her due date I totally crashed again. I just kept thinking, how different could it have been if they hadn’t panicked. I can’t blame them though, I know I could have refused induction and all that, but I never would have. All the staff were amazing actually, but the policy of being strapped to the monitor was awful. I felt like such a failure at the time because nothing was working but they were very reassuring that actually my body was trying to keep baby in and safe. But it was honestly the worst four days of my life, and whenever I remember it I just feel like scrunching my eyes up so I can’t see it anymore, and pretending it didn’t happen. I was a paranoid wreck, I am autistic and being on the ward for so long and having all the internals and hearing other women screaming and vomiting (I’m emetophobic) just had my stress levels so unbearably high. I was anxious throughout the pregnancy, worse than the other two, I was absolutely convinced she would die in labour, and was in shock when she actually arrived, I just kept repeating I can’t believe she’s here. I was mentally exhausted by the end, as much as physically, and when I was given a bed on the postnatal ward I nearly dropped her I was so worn out.

I never felt like that with the other two, both inductions and actually the first was quite bad really, only just avoided an EMCS, plus awful treatment in that hospital. I had to go through so much alone because I was in hospital for 3 days after. Luckily this time I was out in under 24h. And everyone is always amazed how I gave birth to my second who was nearly 12lb (undiagnosed GD and overdue), but honestly I’d do that ten times over rather than go through my third again.

I am lucky that this was our surprise third and last, I am now terrified of being pregnant ever again, DH is getting the snip.

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BillywigSting · 03/03/2018 09:17

Yep.

Birth wasn't actually that horrendous despite being induced and getting a couple of tears. I was saved from forceps and episiotomy by my amazing midwife. Bloody angel that woman.

But pregnancy was awful.

It was pretty standard to begin with (apart from sickness that didn't go until after ds was born) but had high blood pressure towards the end.

But even the 'normal' pregnancy symptoms were horrible.

It hurts. Like straight up is painful for nine months.

Don't get me wrong, I love ds more than anything but I would honestly rather adopt than be pregnant again.

I never really properly recovered from it either. Back pain, pelvic floor issues, achey scar where I tore etc.

So no.


Never. Again.

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KalaLaka · 03/03/2018 09:19

OP if you can't manage to get counselling (nhs is broke), I think even talking it through with someone who is willing to listen, and being able to talk through all the details, and how you feel about it, may help. As many times as you need to. Even here might be helpful.

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LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 03/03/2018 09:19

My first childbirth experience was so awful that I started to have panic attacks as I approached my due date with second. I clearly should have had some counselling but it didn’t occur to me and it wasn’t offered. After speaking things through with a wonderful person I was able to mentally prepare myself. Thus the second was a quick and problem free experience.
I would do it again but I fear I’m a bit old and skint

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Tinkerbec · 03/03/2018 09:22

I am with you. Mine is ten. It took me a couple of years to look at a pregnant woman without fearing for her. Feeling sick in my throat and heart racing.

Never again.

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Bluntness100 · 03/03/2018 09:24

I disliked being pregnant and had a horrific birth, I spent a month in hospital afterwards and had regular hospitals visits back to hospital for a year afterwards.

I had eclampsia a couple of days after delivering, amongst other complications, and had to be put into icu as I was fitting. My kidneys had started to fail and I was in a very, very bad way.

Even after the consultants a year later signed me off as healthy, when I visited my gp for anything my notes came up with a line in capital letters saying "significant pregnancy complications" and for an extended period they kept trying to convince me to get sterilised.

I was 28, the opinion was I couldn't survive another pregnancy and there was too high a risk so they wished to remove the risk. I can't even count how many doctors and consultants took a serious discussion with me on why I needed to be sterilised and that a second pregnancy simply wasn't an option for me.

Fortunately I only ever wanted one, but weirdly refused Sterilisation. Falling pregnant again though became an abject fear of mine, the thought of it really scared me deep down. So I should have agreed to it in hindsight.

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LillianGish · 03/03/2018 09:24

The type of birth you get is basically down to how the baby lies on the day plus the interaction with your own anatomy. From the get go, some births are going to be easier and some harder. Some will never be ok without intervention I gave birth in France and this was the message of the ante natal classes I attended in a nutshell. The midwife told us a lot of it was down to luck - the length of labour you could expect, the size of the baby in relation to to the size of your pelvis and the baby’s position. That’s why you are offered excellent pain relief options in France and most women have an epidural (which contrary to everything I’d heard from an NCT friend in the UK didn’t slow things down and make it more difficult to push - it just made everything more tolerable). The aim there is to make everything as quick and painless as possible so you can get back to normal ASAP - they even throw in a course of pelvic physio for all new mums. This thread makes horrendous reading FlowersFlowersFlowers to all of you.

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DenPerry · 03/03/2018 09:29

I would reccommend having a section for your second, to avoid more possible birth trauma. I have fear of birth and know I would have been badly affected by it all so I asked for sections for my two. It was great and I have nothing traumatic to look back on. I'm just sharing this incase you really do want another one day but can't go through birth again Thanks

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fusushumi · 03/03/2018 09:34

My first birth was a difficult forceps delivery and I was firmly signed up to the "never again" club like you OP. But I went on to have 2 more and the 3rd birth in particular I think I can say I almost enjoyed!! It wasn't particularly quick (8 hours) but I felt in control of the whole thing, had an excellent midwife who let me get on with it in my own way and I felt in some way enpowered. The contrast was huge: I never dreamed it could possibly be that way after my first experience 6 years before, the difference was so great.... so let some time pass, see how you feel

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CatherineUC · 03/03/2018 09:34

Oh great. It's my due date today... Shock

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thewhitechapelfatberg · 03/03/2018 09:35

After my first baby, it took me three years to be able to contemplate the idea of going through it again - and I couldn’t watch OBEM for a long time. But my second labour is actually up there with the greatest moments of my life. Home birth, calm and in control made all the difference and it was a wonderful, empowering experience. Time is a great healer, as will be the overwhelming love you feel for your new baby.

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fusushumi · 03/03/2018 09:48

CatherineUC stop reading NOW!!!! Smile

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bluescreen · 03/03/2018 10:17

cheshiremama and all brave mums Flowers Flowers

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NotTheMrMenAgain · 03/03/2018 10:49

Mine is 9, I knew straight away I would never, ever do it again. HG was rough, the birth was torturous and brutal and left me with PTSD from birth trauma. The PTSD had a big impact on me and pretty much ruined enjoyment of the baby days. I had specialised counselling 3 years later which helped me to come to terms with things, but I'd never do it again, ever.

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BothersomeCrow · 03/03/2018 10:55

For me, the giving birth bit was OK thanks to g&a and epidurals. But I had terrible SPD both times, slept for about 7 months straight when pregnant with dc2, and will never be pregnant again.
The consultants confirming that stopping with 2 as I might never walk again if I had a third, were superfluous.

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TheBlindspot · 03/03/2018 12:12

Yep I was in the 'never again' camp after a horrible 3 day induction after PROM at term ending epidural in forceps, episiotomy, shoulder dystocia, baby eventually being born by being yanked out by hand, PPH, more tears and stitches than I can count and a retained placenta. And I still consider myself lucky. Both me and DD were physically ok, in the end.

Nearly two years later, a horrible bout of post-natal anxiety, nine months of counselling and I'm 12 weeks pregnant with number 2, who was planned.

I wouldn't be doing it if I wasn't guaranteed an ELCS this time though. I will never have another natural birth (not that there was much natural about it in the end anyway!). I know CS recovery isn't a walk in the park by any means, but it can't be any worse than last time.

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ToadsforJustice · 03/03/2018 12:43

I decided that after DS1 was born, the only way I would do it again would be by squatting on my kitchen floor. As I didn't want MW and doctors telling me what to do and holding me down to examine me without my consent again, I had three home births without any help from anyone until it was "too late". My favourite memory after DD2 was born was DD1 coming into my bedroom, seeing her new sister and asking me if I was alright. Bless her.

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