Childbirth - Anyone NEVER doing it again? *Title Edited by MNHQ*

[cheshiremama89]

Childbirth that is...

Had DS a month ago tomorrow and the labour was the most horrendous experience I've ever been through.

Even my mum who has had 5 children described it as traumatic.

After a horrible birth, 4 days in hospital and a tough first month of self injecting, iron tabs, antibiotics, compression stockings and constipation I can quite safely say that I won't be doing it again.

Fave program used to be One Born Every Minute, now I can't bear the thought of it.

Thinking about the experience makes me very emotional and I'm looking forward to it being a distant memory.

Has anyone else felt the same? Gotten over it? Done it again?!?'

I felt the same for the first 2 months and then one day I woke up and was suddenly broody as hell. a year later the second one was born lol

I sympathise op! I had an horrendous pregnancy. 9 months of hell which probably contributed to the bad PND after my DS was born, 3 years later and I'm still as traumatised by the whole thing and can't imagine doing it again! It makes me sad that DS will be an only one but I couldn't physically or mentally put myself through that again

I said 'never again' to begin with. I kept dwelling on the bad aspects of the birth but as I healed I started to put it behind me.

DD is 10 weeks now and I know I will do it again (assuming we're able to) - although I may go for ELCS next time.

panda I completely agree.

I still can't talk about DD2's birth without crying, and it was nearly 15 years ago.

I went on to have another baby, and the labour was quick and fine and actually very healing, and he was worth every minute of worry.

But yes, still haven't got over the awful time I had. I think sometimes you just don't.

I was injured so badly the first time I was told I’m not allowed to have a vaginal birth ever again. I had more babies because I knew it would be a c-section (and my breach twins made sure of that anyway).

I haven’t forgotten all the pain and stress, and no, if I were allowed to I would never have a vaginal birth again. I don’t randomly burst into tears about it now, so I can say it does get easier.

Sorry, youcan’t, my “does get easier” comment wasn’t directed at you. That sounds so horrible.

My second labour feels like a blur because it was so hard. I remember losing energy so they needed to attach me to a drip to get my energy levels back up. It was long and I was exhausted. I had a massive 3rd degree tear too.
He was a big baby at over 9lbs and was born a week early. I went on to have another baby two years later and his birth was an absolute dream. It was so chilled and he popped out in no time. When I gave birth to my first baby, it was very much the same. Both babies were smaller than my middle one.

Dear God, I don't know how anyone could bear to undergo that again. I don't know how the human species survives, I really don't.

I had a traumatic first birth including 3rd degree tear. I had an elective csection for my second child 4 years later and it was fantastic. It was a really positive experience all round (recovery took longer but wasn't overly painful). I had moved abroad by then but the nhs consultant had written a letter before I left recommending csection for future births. There was no way I could have willingly faced another "natural" birth.

@bluescreen when you're told you and your child are likely to have sepsis after a 20 hour labour, emergency forceps and a massive tear you may feel differently.

Cue baby being taken away every 3 hours for tests and medication intravenously for 4 days

I hated being pregnant, hyperemisis throughout and then had a really traumatic birth followed by infection. Swore I would never do it again, I cried everytime I thought about the birth. When I was really low I told my husband he could leave me and not feel bad because I knew he wanted two children and I was never going to do it again. DS is 11 months now and I just booked a debrief with the hospital because I only just feel ready. I packed away all my mat wear and baby clothes and have started to think about doing it again. Not for a while but I haven't ruled it out now. Congratulations on your baby and give yourself time and a break.

Totally felt like that and still can't 'put myself' in the memories of DS1's birth, it was horrific. Elective C section for DS2 was a wonderful, calm experience, no more traumatic than a dental check up. If you do come around to wanting a second, I highly recommend looking into a ELCS. And yes, do get some counselling as others have suggested.

I have to say, having a good second birth experience has healed me somewhat.

I am flabbergasted and so impressed when I hear of women who had a traumatic pregnancy/birth/newborn phase going back in the ring for another round.

I feel exactly the way you do now...7.5 years on. Nup, no way. Baby-making factory closed. Never tempted again for a solitary second. Not when drunk, not when sniffing a newborn, not when my DH & DD beg me. No wobbles.

Took me years of therapy (physical & mental) to drag myself out of the hole my dd’s birth left me in. Bits of me will never recover, and I’m dealing with that. I can now watch maybe half an episode of ‘one born every minute’ on a GOOD day. I have to diplomatically extricate myself from ‘birth story’ share conversations. I thought I was a pretty tough chick, but that birth broke me big-time.

Your urge to procreate might win over your memories in the future, or it may not. I firmly suggest getting some birth trauma counseling either way. And don’t write in that damn baby book, what a stupid first question it asks! Write it all down for yourself, by all means, but no kid needs to hear that their first day was your worst day!

Don’t know if this helps, but you’ll likely hear a lot of ‘oh but you got such a lovely baby out of it, that cancels out the trauma’ type comments. I learnt to smile and respond ‘if you had a horrible car smash on Tuesday, and won the lottery on Wednesday, would you be less broken?’. Rehab is rehab, regardless of how grateful you are for the bundle in your arms. You are allowed to feel both, don’t let anyone tell you different!

And congrats, you’re a champ!

I feel the same OP
DD is 7 months. Could cry every time I think of her birth day. DH is the same. He thought I was going to die. Had a bad 6 months after.
I’m sad. I wanted 2 children. But we just can’t put ourselves through it. I had a lovely pregnancy but if I were to be pregnant again I feel it would be ruined by knowing what was to come.

I'm so glad it's not just me!

You begin to feel so lonely and the worst person, because you're right Every says "well look what you got after everything" like it's meant to take everything away.

Thanks everyone I will definitely speak to the gp about discussing this with someone

*everyone

I would have done it again but we adopted our second instead. I liked the idea of a home birth for our second.

Just for anyone reading about to give birth.... my 3 were fine!!

My first was a horror show. Induced at ten days over, hours of agony with the midwives telling me I wasn’t even in labour yet and to basically get a grip (pain was from the pessary) followed by epidural that didn’t fully work so still pain on one side...labour lasted 36 hours then baby was tugged out by a bloke with bulging muscles and one foot on the bed for leverage. Baby born with cuts and bruises from forceps and I was stitched from here to kingdom come while a cleaner had to get a mop and bucket to clear up the blood. This was followed by an infection in the stitches, mastitis, the usual cracked and bleeding nipples and post natal depression. But yes, three years later I braved it and did it again! That birth was a straight up waters break, six hour labour with gas and air, so very different.

My first was pretty traumatic, but after decades of listening to horror stories about childbirth that was my expectation so I was mentally prepared for it. My second my much easier.

My friend had attended a hypnobirthing course and wasn't mentaly prepared for the fact birth can be anything but 'breathing the baby out'. She was traumatised. I think the course leader did her a great disservice as her teaching didn't cover the realities of what the women might experience. (I am sure not all hypnobirthing courses are like this)

Hi op I had a similar experience... twice! 2 emergency sections, stockings, iron tablets, injections, and the second time a stay in the high dependency unit, a blood transfusion and baby having to be resuscitated. I think it is a real shock to the system, I never thought birth was going to be so traumatic. Second time room I was more prepared for what could go wrong and seemed to take it in my stride better. I am glad you are seeing your GP. I tried to manage on my own with the trauma for a long time. Dc2 is now 2.5 but I have recently completed a course of counselling because of issues around my difficult births. Go easy on yourself, your body has gone through a lot, and congratulations on your baby.

I felt absolutely violated after the birth of DC1. I didn't want anything or anyone going anywhere near me, (me and DH weren't intimate for a year after).
DC2 is nearly 18 months old and I love the bones of him. I won't have anymore, but in time, my desire to give DC1 a sibling outweighed my fears of having sex / giving birth again. My second birth experience was a lot more pleasant all round.

Be kind to yourself, give yourself time. It's ok to stop at one child! But you might feel differently in a year or so.

I had a traumatic first labour too, about 18 months ago. For a long time I thought I could never go through it again but we would like to have another.

For a long time I had intrusive thoughts about the labour and would feel panic if I even heard the name of the hospital. I was diagnosed with ptsd. I'm having counselling at the moment and hoping that will help me prepare for the prospect of another birth.

I know people mean well when they say "but it was all worth it to get your baby" but I hate that. What happened to you during childbirth does matter.

Congratulations on your new baby.

First birth horrendous e fed up in EMCS second birth elective section ....very non eventful and great!