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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Smug young homeowners from the Bank of Mum and Dad

337 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 28/02/2018 15:58

AIBU unreasonable to find it very irritating when young couples/young people manage to buy their first home early and spout the whole
"We worked so hard to save
"We deserve it "
"We didn't want to rent anymore"
"I can't believe some people still rent"
"We've got loads saved up for a house deposit "

Which is all fine...until you realise the house deposit it was 'gifted' by parents. Again that's fine

I just think it's irritating that entitled trust fund 20-somethings looking down on renters for not yet being on the property ladder yet fail to mention most of their deposit was from the Bank of Mum and Dad.

Not everyone can have that privilege and it's unfair to look down on those without

OP posts:
AutumnalTed · 28/02/2018 16:00

I saw something about a girl that bought a house and it had the steps she took so I too could achieve this, it began with inheriting 15000£ Hmm

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/02/2018 16:00

YANBU. I wont start ranting though because I won't stop.

PlanNumber · 28/02/2018 16:00

Do people really say those things? The only person I've ever heard say anything similar is MIL but most of what she says is vile (and she's not 20 something and afaik didn't get any help buying her house).

Calic0 · 28/02/2018 16:01

I don’t find it unreasonable to find the exact circumstance you describe a bit annoying. Although I have to be honest, I’m only a homeowner because my parents gave me a chunk of money towards the deposit, and I would never think to mention it to anyone else as it is not their business. Mind you, wouldn’t look down my nose or comment on the choices of people who rent either.

MereDintofPandiculation · 28/02/2018 16:01

There's always a tendency for the fortunate to believe their good fortune was a result of their hard work.

PhelanThePain · 28/02/2018 16:02

Yeah I’ve seen a few stupid stories like that in the media applauding Connor and Gemma for getting a mortgage aged 21. Connor and Gemma say it just takes hard work and being strict with yourself and they did it all in their own. Except they each lived with their respective parents and saved a fortune in rent to save a deposit. So essentially their parents gave them a deposit. Nice if you can get it. What do you suggest for those who don’t have parents or parents who can house them?

teaiseverything · 28/02/2018 16:02

There's someone I used to follow on IG (used to for this reason) who took it upon herself to be a self-proclaimed queen of budgeting, with the aim of showing others how to save for a deposit for a house.

Turns out, she lives at home rent free and doesn't even so much as chip in for groceries.

HamishBamish · 28/02/2018 16:03

I do think that sometimes people don't realise how lucky they are and that not everyone has the same leg up from parents/family.

It's so hard to get onto the property ladder now and I have every sympathy for those having to do it with no help.

TheQueenOfWands · 28/02/2018 16:05

I was lucky enough to be gifted £100K which bought 50% of my house, mortgage for the rest.

I realise how lucky I am, though. I don't walk about saying dickwad things about renters.

And I was 32, not 21.

I rented shitty, damp, overpriced places for years. I paid my dues.

GetSomeGumption · 28/02/2018 16:05

I had to walk away from a colleague the other day as I felt nauseous. She was telling me about how her flat (bought by her parents) has gone up in value by 100k over the last couple of years just by virtue of being in the city that we live in.

She was also getting quotes for a kitchen (for a flat she doesn't intend to stay in long term) for £26K and felt that was entirely reasonable...

We do the same job. Fresh out of uni. She was unashamed.

Original poster
LittleMissUnreasonable · 28/02/2018 16:06

To spare me from looking completely heartless I don't get irritated by those who have been inherited from a life-changing bereavement... a young guy I know inherited money when his dad died and brought a house with the money and time spent doing the house up kept his mind occupied. I thought that was very lovely Smile

OP posts:
Hardwickwhite · 28/02/2018 16:07

SIL said something similar to me once about how important it was to pay off your mortgage as quickly as possible. Which is true. But she said she couldn’t understand why we didn’t when they did. The difference was the 10k per year they got from her parents for it, which straight to their mortgage company.

ArchchancellorsHat · 28/02/2018 16:07

Yeah it's annoying. I knew someone who lived at home rent free till he was 30 and couldn't understand why anyone would throw money away on rent. Well because I like to live indoors and had to leave home when I was 16! I don't think they realise how very privileged they are.

OtterInDisgrace · 28/02/2018 16:08

YABU to say ‘gifted’ otherwise YNBU. Honestly, what’s wrong with ‘given’ these days?

Becauseitsbedtime · 28/02/2018 16:09

My sister and BIL were given a house - an entire house, outright, and they didn't inherit it it was just a gift when the parents sold land at the same time sister had a baby - by bill's parents and still pulled the "we've worked our arses off" card, which my mother parroted, because it was somewhat run down and they did a cosmetic restoration themselves.

finnmcool · 28/02/2018 16:10

I totally agree.
My daughter is 25 and just bought a house with her husband.
She is a beauty therapist, he is a relatively, newly qualified plumber. They have made so many sacrifices, saved hard and have had no financial help whatsoever, as none of us are in a position to give it.
Attitudes like that from the trust funders are not on.

Original poster
LittleMissUnreasonable · 28/02/2018 16:10

@otter dont worry i was taking the p* ...I despise the word 'gifted' Grin

OP posts:
OtterInDisgrace · 28/02/2018 16:11

Phew! Grin

ChickensGoBoak · 28/02/2018 16:13

YANBU - but equally it really irritates me when people assume I must have been funded by parents or received an inheritance to be able to buy at 24y/o!

Jobbieshitkakaboudin · 28/02/2018 16:16

I teach in a school in an afluent area. I cant afford to live im this area. I live 40 mims drive away and its fine by me. Its not in an affluent area but I paid for it myself. A colleague of mine was asking about the commute as she was thinking about doing the same - one other colleague who lives just accross the road from school pipes up "you'll waste your life on the commute, theres nothing out there, you will be so tired from driving you will be a terrible teacher"

I know who he bought his house from and I know daddy gave him half the money. I kept my mouth shut that day as I didn't know how to shut him up without being unprofessional.

Would it hurt these people to think about it a bit?

Evelynismycatsformerspyname · 28/02/2018 16:18

What's more BIL lost the house to a get rich quick scheme... Easy come, easy go I guess, and they are still in constant receipt of financial help from both sets of parents (their child is the only one in the family at private school paid by bill's parents, sister gets an allowance dressed up as a wage for skiing parents' dog despite the fact she doesn't see a need to pay parents when they board her nightmare dog or take and fetch her child toand from school) which for some reason nobody is allowed to mention.

RafikiIsTheBest · 28/02/2018 16:18

Yeah it is bloody annoying when you know for a fact that the money was given to them yet they are always saying how hard they work or how hard life is. I don't think this just applies to home buyers though, I know people who live in council houses or rent that seem to have the same attitude of being entitled and think the sun shines out of their own arse.
Drives me potty.

SweetheartNeckline · 28/02/2018 16:19

Equally a life changing bereavement leading to buying a house outright is not "lucky" or "good for you." Both these things have been said to DH and about him, to me, by friends who have known him since he lost his parents in his teens.

However I would never look down on anyone for renting or take it upon myself to advise on mortgages - if I have made comments in the past it was due to naivety or ignorance - the silver lining in DH's shitty situation and ensuing MH issues is that we have always been mortgage free.

AJPTaylor · 28/02/2018 16:21

I had a colleague who had parents agree to match what she and dp saved. After a year they told her parents they had saved 12k. They hadnt. His parents gave them 10k of it. They concealed that part from her parents. Who told them how well they had done and how proud they were and here is 12 k to match.
She used to tell this story with great pride.

Babyroobs · 28/02/2018 16:22

I don't know many couples who have been gifted a deposit. I know a lot who have lived with parents for 18 months - 2 years and saved every penny.