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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Smug young homeowners from the Bank of Mum and Dad

337 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 28/02/2018 15:58

AIBU unreasonable to find it very irritating when young couples/young people manage to buy their first home early and spout the whole
"We worked so hard to save
"We deserve it "
"We didn't want to rent anymore"
"I can't believe some people still rent"
"We've got loads saved up for a house deposit "

Which is all fine...until you realise the house deposit it was 'gifted' by parents. Again that's fine

I just think it's irritating that entitled trust fund 20-somethings looking down on renters for not yet being on the property ladder yet fail to mention most of their deposit was from the Bank of Mum and Dad.

Not everyone can have that privilege and it's unfair to look down on those without

OP posts:
KittiesInsane · 28/02/2018 16:22

On the fence here, as DS1 is one of those living cheaply at home in order to save like mad for a deposit (approximately the next 50 years of saving at this rate, but the thought is there).

Is it OK as long as he doesn't then lord it over people his age?

We had £2000 loaned from each set of parents as part of our own deposit, so this feels like paying it forward.

AyeAyeFishyPie · 28/02/2018 16:24

AJPTaylor that’s terrible behaviour. That’s shocking.

BarbaraofSevillle · 28/02/2018 16:26

Equally a life changing bereavement leading to buying a house outright is not "lucky" or "good for you." Both these things have been said to DH and about him, to me, by friends who have known him since he lost his parents in his teens

True, but remember that there are people out there who suffer similar devastating loss and don't inherit anything at all.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 28/02/2018 16:26

Dh and I own the house we do because dh was given £100k by his parents. Do I feel incredibly lucky? Yes! Am I ashamed? No. Do I go on about how hard dh and I work? Well, sometimes but not in the context of our home ownership.

mrsm43s · 28/02/2018 16:26

There's always a tendency for the fortunate to believe their good fortune was a result of their hard work.

Whilst I do agree with this, I also think that there's a tendency for irresponsible people who make bad decisions to believe that their poor life outcomes are a result of bad luck.

DalekDalekDalek · 28/02/2018 16:27

I'm really lucky in that I live in a house that my parents bought for me to rent from them. This means I get reduced rent (I pay the mortgage which is A LOT less than the house rents for) and am able to save money for a deposit to buy it off them eventually. I appreciate that most people don't get that opportunity.

I've got to admit though, I've never heard anyone being smug or looking down anyone for renting in real life. The only time I've really heard anyone behaving like that is on here and the 200K deposit with no where to store the vintage car.

expatinscotland · 28/02/2018 16:27

YANBU

longestlurkerever · 28/02/2018 16:28

Slightly on the fence. Of course yanbu to find smug people annoying but I have heard people describe me as "very lucky" that I inherited enough for a deposit and a flat from DF and FIL when dh and I were 24 and 21 respectively. Yeah. I'd rather the DC got to meet their granddads, tbh, but obviously there are people much worse off.

beepthemeep · 28/02/2018 16:30

I worked with a girl whose parents had bought her a flat in Chelsea when she was in her mid 20's. She not only thought everyone should be abe to buy a house, but had a horrible name for mortgages (along the lines of "pleb loans"). It never occurred to her that she was privileged; it just occurred to her that other people were lesser beings.

She didn't last long at that job - and it was at a peak wanker place in the City!!

dadshere · 28/02/2018 16:31

They had an article in one of the newspapers recently that ran along the lines of, "I got out of debt and bought my own house in just 5 years". By moving into her mum's house,whilst her mum gifted her a flat which she rented out! Yet she was held up as some hard working prodigy.

JoJoSM2 · 28/02/2018 16:31

Even if parents give you money towards the deposit, you still need to save the rest and have a decent-enough job to get a mortgage. And then pay the bills. So why wouldn't you call that hard-working?

OhPuddleducks · 28/02/2018 16:31

I think it’s silly for them to claim that they have worked hard to get their house but I don’t think it’s unreasonable for a parent to help their child get on the property ladder. I would love to be in a position to help out my kids with a deposit when the time is right (although it is unlikely we’ll be able to unless we do some hrs saving). We got on the property ladder late in life and it’s definitely had a negative impact on our finances compared to friends who bought houses sooner. I’d love to be able to give my kids that leg up if I could.

OhPuddleducks · 28/02/2018 16:32

Hrs? *Serious savingwhich would obviously take more than a few hours. Bloody autocorrect.

mummaCL · 28/02/2018 16:32

Makes a change from bashing the baby boomers Smile

VladmirsPoutine · 28/02/2018 16:32

I don't think yabu, but I also agree with this:

I also think that there's a tendency for irresponsible people who make bad decisions to believe that their poor life outcomes are a result of bad luck.

There are of course many interacting factors - we didn't all start life from the same platform and my dad used to tell me that sometimes those that work the hardest are the worse off. But in short yanbu.

tinkywinky2018 · 28/02/2018 16:32

Equally a life changing bereavement leading to buying a house outright is not "lucky" or "good for you." Both these things have been said to DH and about him, to me, by friends who have known him since he lost his parents in his teens

There is still luck mixed in with the bad. I lost both my parents and all I got was funeral costs. I would have considered myself very lucky to have inherited a house or a pot of money, the lucky part being quite distinct from the grieving part, which you get either way.

rollingonariver · 28/02/2018 16:33

Yep. My friend's partner bitches about how entitled people in council houses are and shits on poor people all the time. His mum brought his (£300,000) house for him, paid off £11,000 in debt and he earns £16k a year.
It makes no sense, but he's a prat in more ways than one.

FairyLightBlanket45 · 28/02/2018 16:33

LittleMissUnreasonable - I'm really glad you made that last comment....
I am (sort of) one of these people you describe, in that I inherited the money for my deposit and it was enough to give me a decent mortgage payment each month.
I am not however "entitled" and know people in all situations you describe.
I ultimately got my inheritance due to loosing a parent, all grandparents and my Aunty. I figured investing in a home is the most sensible thing. Didnt do a big travelling adventure or anything. I have lived here for 4 years and still saving to finish doing it up. Room by room.
Where I have the biggest issue is - being accused of being handed everything on a plate. I have had it said to me. Yeah, I did get handed inheritance. But I have also worked since I was 15. Worked through uni to keep the debt as low as possible. Once worked 3 jobs at once. Lived at home (yes I know not everyone has the option) BEFORE I knew what was about to happen (i.e before any inheritance was coming my way) in order to save for a 1st time buyer deposit. That was my original plan. I still payed my way at home and worked no less than fill time.
I do honestly often feel like I cheated. But then what would anyone else do?
I have worked hard and still do. I didnt "deserve" my house, but I do work hard- if that makes sense? I have friends renting, part rent-part buying and couples with mortgages. On the other end of the spectrum, I have had couple friends saying I could have got a BETTER house- and then I remind them that they have 2 incomes, I have 1. I like my little house just fine.
I would give it all back to have my family back. I am grateful for the helping start every day. Now its up to me not to loose it.

CavoliRiscaldati · 28/02/2018 16:34

Do people really say things like I can't believe some people still rent and look down at renters? I have never seen it, never been looked down for renting when I was.

Being helped by parents doesn't mean they don't work hard or have saved hard. You don't get a mortgage for being a beach bum these days.

mirime · 28/02/2018 16:35

@SweetheartNeckline

Equally a life changing bereavement leading to buying a house outright is not "lucky" or "good for you."

My grandmother said that about a friend of mine who bought a house after her DM died. I was just Shock

Even if it's not life changing it doesn't exactly feel good. My DH inherited money from his Great Aunt and we used that for a deposit. We'd both have preferred for her to still be with us as she was lovely and a really great, funny, kind person.

Kewcumber · 28/02/2018 16:35

My parents lent me the money for a deposit on a house 30 or more years ago when £10,000 could be the deposit on a house in a london suburb.

Bought small 2 bed terrace with a friend (who's parents also gave her the money) and bought her out a year later and was barely surviving when mortgage rates were 15%.

But I stuck it out and 10 years later sold and was able to give my parents their share (proportionately) of the proceeds.

I was always aware of how incredibly lucky I was to have parents who (whilst not well off - hence the real need to repay the loan) were in a position to help and when £90k would buy you a 2-bed house in an unfashionable London suburb.

My friends daughter is just buying a 1 bed flat in a trendy part of east Londonfor £500K!!!! In her case hellped by the estate of her father who tragically died young.

But how on earth are the next generation going to live in London?

upsideup · 28/02/2018 16:35

Do you actually know they have been gifted from the 'bank of mum and dad'? or are you just assuming?
My DSD is 22 and is looking to buy a house with her boyfriend soon, they have both have actually worked really hard and they wont be getting any money from the 'bank of mum and dad' although I know people are already assuming they are.

CrispyAubergine · 28/02/2018 16:36

YANBU it is so annoying

I can understand why parents help their dc get on the property ladder but its not helpful, just perpetuates and props up the ridiculous price of houses

corythatwas · 28/02/2018 16:36

My FIL (otherwise a lovely man) used to do this: "Oh, in our day we worked hard and saved up and that's why we can afford to be comfortable in old age". And I'd be looking at him and thinking "no, you inherited three houses in London from your FIL and that's why you can afford to be comfortable in old age".

JoJoSM2 · 28/02/2018 16:40

Kewcumber, I know a couple who both earn under 30k a year, never got a penny from anyone and last year bought a 2-bed garden flat with garden and parking. It's not in Shoreditch or Chelsea but a lovely area in zone 6. It isn't a complete disaster in London.